Alright so I've felt something similar but WAY less strong that what you did. Try understanding yourself for a while, talk to a therapist or something. You kind of fucked up your Social Situation REALLY BAD, like holy fuck I thought I was bad but nope, so basically just forget about social shit for a while, focus entirely on yourself. Try writing stuff down, and seriously talk to a counselor or therapist, just talking about this stuff makes you feel better (based on my experience). If you manage to fix yourself just stay out of the school social situation, try making actual friends in other places where people don't know about your past, you can make actual friends that way but focus on yourself first.
Something that helped me during my worst moments: The world has given you a terrible hand, it wants to force you to cease to exist, whether that be by your own hand, in a blaze, or perhaps in containment. It gives you no hope, there is nothing left but spite. Using that spite to REFUSE to cease to exist, despite everything that happened somehow manage to build a life for yourself. The world wants you gone, beat the odds, never surrender, even if you fail at least you will not go quietly into that cold night.
is it normal to feel like this in school?
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Alright so I've felt something similar but WAY less strong that what you did. Try understanding yourself for a while, talk to a therapist or something. You kind of fucked up your Social Situation REALLY BAD, like holy fuck I thought I was bad but nope, so basically just forget about social shit for a while, focus entirely on yourself. Try writing stuff down, and seriously talk to a counselor or therapist, just talking about this stuff makes you feel better (based on my experience). If you manage to fix yourself just stay out of the school social situation, try making actual friends in other places where people don't know about your past, you can make actual friends that way but focus on yourself first.
Something that helped me during my worst moments: The world has given you a terrible hand, it wants to force you to cease to exist, whether that be by your own hand, in a blaze, or perhaps in containment. It gives you no hope, there is nothing left but spite. Using that spite to REFUSE to cease to exist, despite everything that happened somehow manage to build a life for yourself. The world wants you gone, beat the odds, never surrender, even if you fail at least you will not go quietly into that cold night.