I am in therapy already I just cant tell the truth because I don’t trust any of those fucks. I lie half the time and whenever they say something to me and tell me how obvious my problems are to not just me but everyone around I feel worse.
Society at large it seems like. And also the people in your relationships who all broke up with you. Was that always their fault or could you have been better?
Well, not to shove off blame, but my relationships only ended because they changed, not me. And I don’t blame society for rejecting me or anybody else, as this is just the natural order of things. I’m just upset, and have a bleak outlook on the future in general.
Yeah I know, societ is some mean shit. We should destroy it from the inside out.
But the thing is, u have many different groups in society, one who u might fit into. With any different hobby, be it just different kinds of sports, the groups r very different. I don’t know if u have those a lot where u live, but I have been to a psychiatric hospital once and u kind of got better cuz u just connected to the other patients.
Some people have it easier to find friends, some people don’t, I just always run into someone and ask myself why would they even and I think the important part is to put, or well, drag yourself out there. Which u stated is very difficult for u. Even though I don’t know how to function like the others, every time I talk to someone I just wanna slam my head against the wall, somehow it is working. The thing is finding somewhere, where u know are people that u could connect with on an interest basis. I don’t really like small talk, especially when u meet someone, so if that persons got the same interest, you’ve hit the jackpot. If u get to know the person through that, over time it will slowly start shifting into talking about ur life.
I guess another bad part about life is, that through most of it you can only drag yourself through, because the only person that stays til the end is yourself. U will meet people and u will lose them , but I feel like u have a really big issue with finding out who you are. If one is clear with oneself, one accepts change on the body our around or whatever. If u can deal with yourself, u can handle all the others well too. I also can’t do that, trust me, have those issues and thoughts since I’m 11 but for some reason u just have to keep on living til it’s over. The one thing that pain gives you is the pleasure of becoming a nice old wise man, it’s not much in comparison, but the more u try to get into none pleasurable things, the more your teeth grind. I’m talking about something like oh I’m getting wrinkles and what do people think about me and is my leg weird, do I look good, will I ever find someone and so on...
I have thought about how to get out of it a lot, but there is no fast way. I can’t tell u how exactly, because people are just all built very differently.
What I can tell u is that u are definitely not alone with that. I have just accepted my task of having to stay alive somehow because maybe we‘re the one part of society it should lose because it states what is wrong with the mass, maybe we‘re like an unexpected wind in a sandstorm, be it good or bad. I like collecting gemstones, because it’s like the universe on earth, so big and so much to think about and is has nothing to do with us, it’s just out there, very refreshing. And being in water is like, shutting all this noise down to a minimum. Music can define your thought and is like you’re actually talking to people.
Alright this all sounds way too nice. Mind u I haven’t really eaten much in the past few days because I don’t have enough energy to go to the fridge and get fricking food. I wouldn’t be like, oh it’s all gonna go well but rather, fuck everything and leave me alone. On the other hand u crave other people and communication, so I guess one has to create a balance and put the rest of the energy into building something up, very slowly, that u wanna put work into.
It’s cool that apparently there is something like „the people walker“, look into it it’s a good idea, and u could get an animal to at least go outside. U then have someone to care for and give him/ her food u gat up for because that’s more important than yourself. But with patience, through those small things,u do things that make u happy, even if just for a bit and maybe start doing even more things.
Also, if it helps you, I’m drifting away from people at the moment too, mostly the living situation and shit and that I’m not reaching out to people as often anymore, which could be my fault. Contacting more people, dear, even if u make a fool of yourself will help I think:/ yeah people lie a lot, people aren’t the best in things, but now I just sight about it and ignore it, even though there was a time in my life I didn’t wanna kill myself cuz I was afraid about that the people who were gonna examine my body later would laugh about me, everybody would laugh, it’s like this paranoia is constantly stabbing u in the back and the shadows are always whispering about you and mocking. Dunno how to deal with that, I moved a lot and learned to stay up to some people.
Anyways this text is getting way too long and will maybe not make any sense in the end cuz we’ll, it’s me, but yeah. Also I can’t be bothered to search for any grammar mistakes
IIN to feel life is over before it began
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You have depression, get help for that. You aren't enjoying life as much as you should. Leanr to enjoy the small things and don't think so negatively.
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Anonymous Post Author
4 years ago
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I am in therapy already I just cant tell the truth because I don’t trust any of those fucks. I lie half the time and whenever they say something to me and tell me how obvious my problems are to not just me but everyone around I feel worse.
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Doesnormalmatter
4 years ago
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Well theres your problem. Fix that before you try to blame everyone else please.
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Anonymous Post Author
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Who am I blaming but me?
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Doesnormalmatter
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Society at large it seems like. And also the people in your relationships who all broke up with you. Was that always their fault or could you have been better?
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Well, not to shove off blame, but my relationships only ended because they changed, not me. And I don’t blame society for rejecting me or anybody else, as this is just the natural order of things. I’m just upset, and have a bleak outlook on the future in general.
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Wellyoudliketoknoweh
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Yeah I know, societ is some mean shit. We should destroy it from the inside out.
But the thing is, u have many different groups in society, one who u might fit into. With any different hobby, be it just different kinds of sports, the groups r very different. I don’t know if u have those a lot where u live, but I have been to a psychiatric hospital once and u kind of got better cuz u just connected to the other patients.
Some people have it easier to find friends, some people don’t, I just always run into someone and ask myself why would they even and I think the important part is to put, or well, drag yourself out there. Which u stated is very difficult for u. Even though I don’t know how to function like the others, every time I talk to someone I just wanna slam my head against the wall, somehow it is working. The thing is finding somewhere, where u know are people that u could connect with on an interest basis. I don’t really like small talk, especially when u meet someone, so if that persons got the same interest, you’ve hit the jackpot. If u get to know the person through that, over time it will slowly start shifting into talking about ur life.
I guess another bad part about life is, that through most of it you can only drag yourself through, because the only person that stays til the end is yourself. U will meet people and u will lose them , but I feel like u have a really big issue with finding out who you are. If one is clear with oneself, one accepts change on the body our around or whatever. If u can deal with yourself, u can handle all the others well too. I also can’t do that, trust me, have those issues and thoughts since I’m 11 but for some reason u just have to keep on living til it’s over. The one thing that pain gives you is the pleasure of becoming a nice old wise man, it’s not much in comparison, but the more u try to get into none pleasurable things, the more your teeth grind. I’m talking about something like oh I’m getting wrinkles and what do people think about me and is my leg weird, do I look good, will I ever find someone and so on...
I have thought about how to get out of it a lot, but there is no fast way. I can’t tell u how exactly, because people are just all built very differently.
What I can tell u is that u are definitely not alone with that. I have just accepted my task of having to stay alive somehow because maybe we‘re the one part of society it should lose because it states what is wrong with the mass, maybe we‘re like an unexpected wind in a sandstorm, be it good or bad. I like collecting gemstones, because it’s like the universe on earth, so big and so much to think about and is has nothing to do with us, it’s just out there, very refreshing. And being in water is like, shutting all this noise down to a minimum. Music can define your thought and is like you’re actually talking to people.
Alright this all sounds way too nice. Mind u I haven’t really eaten much in the past few days because I don’t have enough energy to go to the fridge and get fricking food. I wouldn’t be like, oh it’s all gonna go well but rather, fuck everything and leave me alone. On the other hand u crave other people and communication, so I guess one has to create a balance and put the rest of the energy into building something up, very slowly, that u wanna put work into.
It’s cool that apparently there is something like „the people walker“, look into it it’s a good idea, and u could get an animal to at least go outside. U then have someone to care for and give him/ her food u gat up for because that’s more important than yourself. But with patience, through those small things,u do things that make u happy, even if just for a bit and maybe start doing even more things.
Also, if it helps you, I’m drifting away from people at the moment too, mostly the living situation and shit and that I’m not reaching out to people as often anymore, which could be my fault. Contacting more people, dear, even if u make a fool of yourself will help I think:/ yeah people lie a lot, people aren’t the best in things, but now I just sight about it and ignore it, even though there was a time in my life I didn’t wanna kill myself cuz I was afraid about that the people who were gonna examine my body later would laugh about me, everybody would laugh, it’s like this paranoia is constantly stabbing u in the back and the shadows are always whispering about you and mocking. Dunno how to deal with that, I moved a lot and learned to stay up to some people.
Anyways this text is getting way too long and will maybe not make any sense in the end cuz we’ll, it’s me, but yeah. Also I can’t be bothered to search for any grammar mistakes