Is it normal to feel infatuated when self-deprecating?

When self-deprecating, I regard myself in second-person. I feel warmth in my chest, like the warmth you feel when you're infatuated with someone. I keep smiling while doing it. I don't hate myself for it. I basically laugh at myself.

example: "you are so pathetic. you are a burden to so many people. the anger and fury in their eyes when they see you in bed doing nothing but browsing on your phone. when you sit around and do nothing. when you don't help out. when you don't help yourself. you acknowledge all of this and choose to ignore it. you don't take your own advice. you don't feel guilty. you do not resent this. you faked it. you still are. you're a truly horrible person, but that's what makes you so lovable. at the same time, i love and despise you. you truly are fascinating, an interesting being. maybe i don't dislike you, no. there's another term that i can't come up with. perhaps it's something you don't want to say. why are you smiling?"