Is it normal to feel bad about not trusting your friends?

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15 Comments

I have a friend who I've known since childhood, and now we're both adults. She has always been good to me and not once has she done anything dishonest to me.

A few days ago when we we're having lunch at her house she just randomly asked me if I trusted her. I told her, " I don't trust anyone at all, even friends. It's nothing personal, but I just fear that people might take advantage of me like they did in the past ".

She started crying and raised her voice at me saying, " You think I'm gonna take advantage of you?!?! When have I ever done that?!?! After everything we've been though you can't even put your faith in me?!?! ".

I tried calming her down and told her that I didn't mean it like that but she kept going on and on and wouldn't stop. Later on she calmed down and I left. Right now we're not on good terms because of this and it's the first time in our friendship that this kind of thing happened.

What do you guys think? (Don't troll please because I will report you like crazy).

Voting Results
61% Normal
Based on 31 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Ono
    12 years ago

    I'm sorry you have serious trust issues, but I can understand why your friend is probably insulted by what you said to her. It's a pretty rough thing for a 'friend' to say to someone.

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  • ice52
    11 years ago

    i agree with you 100% but some people can't handle others opinions involving them, and your opinion here, she felt included in. If she asked you this question there must have been a reason, maybe she was trying to gain some confidence or just wanting to get some positive feedback from you so that she can feel confident within herself.

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  • nondanta
    12 years ago

    She did nothing to deserve that. I think you're in the wrong here.

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  • AngelMedusa
    12 years ago

    you got trust issues man, its good to trust some people.
    once someone has broken your trust never give it to them again but shes right, she hasnt done anything yet so just put your faith in her and stop being a selfish cunt

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  • malkiot
    12 years ago

    Well, this is perfectly normal. After all, people only care about other people because they get something from them. May it be money, love, companionship, entertainment, knowledge etc. but there is always some advantage to being together with someone you consider a friend.
    Once these advantages dwindle, either by putting physical distance between yourselves or for other reasons, so will the friendship.

    Therefore I would never trust a person, beyond the reasons for the relationship with them.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    why did you tell her?

    i understand not trusting people - i keep my list of whom i trust very very small. but that doesn't mean i have to go around telling friends this especially if they're not on my list

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Because I can't lie to people. A friend as close as that deserves an answer, even if it's not nice. If I we're to remain quiet she'll see that as an indication that I'm hesistant and I didn't want her to feel unsure about me.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        12 years ago

        there's a difference in "not lying" and "not saying anything"

        just because it's the truth doesn't mean you always have to vocalize it. especially when you know it's going to devastate someone for no good reason

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  • Alison89
    12 years ago

    There are different kinds of trust and they aren't all equal. I'd trust some people with money, trust some people with my car, and trust some people with a secret, but very few would be trustworthy with all three.

    Why did she ask you if you trust her? In my experience, when someone starts a conversation about trust, it somehow evolves into a request for money.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I'm not sure why she asked me. It was the first time she ever did and I guess she just wanted to know. I doubt she had intentions to ask for money. She's financially stable.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    12 years ago

    But the honest truth is that I don't trust anyone at all. Zip, Zero, Zilch. It doesn't matter who it is, I just don't trust anyone at all. I don't think that makes me a bad person honestly.

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    • joybird
      12 years ago

      If she's known you for so long then she knows you just tell the truth without softening the blow (just like me).

      I think you were being set up for a rip off!!

      It seems a strange thing for someone to ask but years ago I was in a similar situation. I was asked to be a guarantor ... DO I LOOK RETARDED!!! The friend disappeared off the face of the earth a few weeks later!

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        12 years ago

        Yeah, I can't lie to people. I honestly don't feel good about what I said, but it's honestly how I feel. I doubt she wanted to get something out of me though. Very likely it was just an honest question.

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        • joybird
          12 years ago

          Then I fail to see why she took offence!!

          I don't lie either but if that's your attitude, what's it got to do with her?!

          Don't worry about it. She has some sort of issue you are not aware of - maybe she regards herself as above all your other friends and so should be trusted. Dunno but I wouldn't even trust my own brothers or sisters.

          Stay realistic about people and just be yourself.

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  • TareBear20
    12 years ago

    I think you made the mistake in this situation. Instead of saying "I trust no one" You should have said I don't have a lot of trust in people, but I trust you, etc etc... Try to explain that to her, that you've had run ins with the wrong people, but it has nothing to do with her.

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