I hate to drive-by diagnose, but it sounds to me like you might have social anxiety. It's nothing to feel ashamed of - LOTS of people have social anxiety! But it would probably be good idea to talk to a counselor or therapist and see if you can talk about its root and find strategies for working through it. Good luck.
IIN to feel bad about having people in your life?
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I hate to drive-by diagnose, but it sounds to me like you might have social anxiety. It's nothing to feel ashamed of - LOTS of people have social anxiety! But it would probably be good idea to talk to a counselor or therapist and see if you can talk about its root and find strategies for working through it. Good luck.