I perhaps have a weird perspective on it but my thinking is that if they'll love you regardless of anything you are or anything you do, then it's not what you are that they love or what you do (because it's clearly not a factor in why they love you. They'd love you whatever those things are).
I think of myself as what I am and what I do. If someone doesn't love me for those things, what exactly are they loving? I don't think it's me. If someone loves me, I want there to be a reason why it's me. The reason is, by definition, a condition.
Interesting perspective, but I'd disagree. In order for someone to love you unconditionally, first they have to love you. Which obviously, they are going to find things to love about you and love you for you. Where the unconditional part comes to play, is that you could screw up badly, even wrong them, but they will still love you anyways. And will understand that just because you screwed up, doesn't make you a bad person. But with a lot of people, screw up once, and they are never going to talk to you again. But is that kind of conditional love what you really want? For people to define you based on one lapse in judgement?
Oh, yes. I get what we're told unconditional love is. About forgiving mistakes and all the rest of it, and about how great it is to be so single-minded about someone. In a limited Disney-Hallmark universe it sounds great. But if you then apply it to the real world, you notice the limits. Life isn't what we're told it is. Life is what it actually is.
There are plenty of people I couldn't tolerate let alone love. That's not because I'm a bad person who can't love unconditionally, it's because there are people on this planet who can't be loved unconditionally. While there is even one person like that, then to love anyone comes with a condition; the condition being that they are not that one person.
Another way of putting it, is that unconditional love is when you love the good qualities about someone so much that they outweigh the bad.
From my experience, I've been nothing but nice to everyone, and everyone has been nothing but nice to me. And I'll watch as my friends, who don't treat each other as well as they should, get in fights, pick on each other, screw each other over etc, but not give me the least bit of negativity.
I've never met someone in real life that wasn't worth my love.
But isn't the idea of good qualities outweighing the bad a condition? What if the bad qualities outweighed the good? What about a very extreme case of bad qualities outweighing the good?
For the record, I'm glad you've only ever had positive experiences with people. Part of that is no doubt how you are as a person. There are some extreme sides to humanity, though, and not everyone is someone you'd want babysitting your kids.
I was more just trying to put it into terms that show that they do love you for you, since you were under the impression that if someone loves you unconditionally, then they don't exactly love you for you.
If I ever experience a case where bad qualities outweigh the good, then I'll let you know, but I just don't see that happening. Everyone has good in them, you just have to know how to bring it out.
Yes, that was definitely my implication. But not that if someone loves you unconditionally they don't also love you for you, but more how would you know whether they love you for you or not? It's the same result either way.
I know if it's the same, it shouldn't matter. But if I'm loved by someone, I do like there to be a reason they love me. A condition. Something that makes me special or different.
is it normal to feel as if no one can love you unconditionally
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I perhaps have a weird perspective on it but my thinking is that if they'll love you regardless of anything you are or anything you do, then it's not what you are that they love or what you do (because it's clearly not a factor in why they love you. They'd love you whatever those things are).
I think of myself as what I am and what I do. If someone doesn't love me for those things, what exactly are they loving? I don't think it's me. If someone loves me, I want there to be a reason why it's me. The reason is, by definition, a condition.
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davesumba
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Interesting perspective, but I'd disagree. In order for someone to love you unconditionally, first they have to love you. Which obviously, they are going to find things to love about you and love you for you. Where the unconditional part comes to play, is that you could screw up badly, even wrong them, but they will still love you anyways. And will understand that just because you screwed up, doesn't make you a bad person. But with a lot of people, screw up once, and they are never going to talk to you again. But is that kind of conditional love what you really want? For people to define you based on one lapse in judgement?
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hoppy
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Oh, yes. I get what we're told unconditional love is. About forgiving mistakes and all the rest of it, and about how great it is to be so single-minded about someone. In a limited Disney-Hallmark universe it sounds great. But if you then apply it to the real world, you notice the limits. Life isn't what we're told it is. Life is what it actually is.
There are plenty of people I couldn't tolerate let alone love. That's not because I'm a bad person who can't love unconditionally, it's because there are people on this planet who can't be loved unconditionally. While there is even one person like that, then to love anyone comes with a condition; the condition being that they are not that one person.
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davesumba
10 years ago
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Another way of putting it, is that unconditional love is when you love the good qualities about someone so much that they outweigh the bad.
From my experience, I've been nothing but nice to everyone, and everyone has been nothing but nice to me. And I'll watch as my friends, who don't treat each other as well as they should, get in fights, pick on each other, screw each other over etc, but not give me the least bit of negativity.
I've never met someone in real life that wasn't worth my love.
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hoppy
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But isn't the idea of good qualities outweighing the bad a condition? What if the bad qualities outweighed the good? What about a very extreme case of bad qualities outweighing the good?
For the record, I'm glad you've only ever had positive experiences with people. Part of that is no doubt how you are as a person. There are some extreme sides to humanity, though, and not everyone is someone you'd want babysitting your kids.
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davesumba
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I was more just trying to put it into terms that show that they do love you for you, since you were under the impression that if someone loves you unconditionally, then they don't exactly love you for you.
If I ever experience a case where bad qualities outweigh the good, then I'll let you know, but I just don't see that happening. Everyone has good in them, you just have to know how to bring it out.
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hoppy
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Yes, that was definitely my implication. But not that if someone loves you unconditionally they don't also love you for you, but more how would you know whether they love you for you or not? It's the same result either way.
I know if it's the same, it shouldn't matter. But if I'm loved by someone, I do like there to be a reason they love me. A condition. Something that makes me special or different.