sadly no, i think i made a mistake when i did that, now i think im addicted porn. really the release i feel with orgasm. sorry for the tmi just trying to clarify. and tbh for me its not the people that do it for me, but the act, chasing relief. i dont even need porn anymore at this point but focus on the actual feeling of orgasm. :/ i feel like it may have just given me more/new material to use to fantasize about him (my abuser with), the rare times i focus on the person i imagine it being him doing it instead.
is it normal to fantasize about your own abuser/rapist?
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sadly no, i think i made a mistake when i did that, now i think im addicted porn. really the release i feel with orgasm. sorry for the tmi just trying to clarify. and tbh for me its not the people that do it for me, but the act, chasing relief. i dont even need porn anymore at this point but focus on the actual feeling of orgasm. :/ i feel like it may have just given me more/new material to use to fantasize about him (my abuser with), the rare times i focus on the person i imagine it being him doing it instead.