Based on the things you write, your only sexual reference point are the experiences with your abuser. Your brain doesn't know anything else, when it comes to any kind of sexual activity.
Weird idea: have you tried watching erotica or porn? Maybe you will be able to rewire your brain. And it won't jump to the guy who abused you, everytime sexual dreams or desires come up. It might jump to the cute guy or girl you just saw in the video.
sadly no, i think i made a mistake when i did that, now i think im addicted porn. really the release i feel with orgasm. sorry for the tmi just trying to clarify. and tbh for me its not the people that do it for me, but the act, chasing relief. i dont even need porn anymore at this point but focus on the actual feeling of orgasm. :/ i feel like it may have just given me more/new material to use to fantasize about him (my abuser with), the rare times i focus on the person i imagine it being him doing it instead.
is it normal to fantasize about your own abuser/rapist?
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Based on the things you write, your only sexual reference point are the experiences with your abuser. Your brain doesn't know anything else, when it comes to any kind of sexual activity.
Weird idea: have you tried watching erotica or porn? Maybe you will be able to rewire your brain. And it won't jump to the guy who abused you, everytime sexual dreams or desires come up. It might jump to the cute guy or girl you just saw in the video.
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mischieflover
5 years ago
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sadly no, i think i made a mistake when i did that, now i think im addicted porn. really the release i feel with orgasm. sorry for the tmi just trying to clarify. and tbh for me its not the people that do it for me, but the act, chasing relief. i dont even need porn anymore at this point but focus on the actual feeling of orgasm. :/ i feel like it may have just given me more/new material to use to fantasize about him (my abuser with), the rare times i focus on the person i imagine it being him doing it instead.