If this started when OP was a kid, I would agree with you, but this starting when they're an adult with someone who may have a history but wasn't a primary parental figure for most of their life. Trauma isn't a black and white issue, it's very much about context. Yes, OP is in a position to potentially experience some hurt feelings and personal upheaval, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily a harmful situation.
is it normal to do these things and have these thoughts
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If this started when OP was a kid, I would agree with you, but this starting when they're an adult with someone who may have a history but wasn't a primary parental figure for most of their life. Trauma isn't a black and white issue, it's very much about context. Yes, OP is in a position to potentially experience some hurt feelings and personal upheaval, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily a harmful situation.