Being honest and direct can be done with tact, and in such a way that politeness won't be mistaken for flirtation. Saying "fuck off" is direct but it's overkill, and your sense of morality has kept you from using it like a weapon. You are not an awful person.
Tell them you are not interested----don't beat around the bush. Although, try to do it with some sensitivity since rejection isn't a fun experience for anyone.
Be more direct then. Of course they are going to try to rationalize why you should give them a chance. Let them. But maintain your expectations and be clear about it.
Some of the tactics you mentioned, ignoring or changing the subject, are not cool nor effective. It's passive aggressive and only leaves the person on the receiving end with more questions and doubts. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it magically go away, it only postpones it.
Like a lot of people, I have been in the position of wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way. I've also had the unfortunate experience of feeling that way towards someone who handled it quite poorly (blow-ups, waffling, ignoring, etc.). I can assure you, it sucks. It was also confusing. A simple "I'm sorry, I'll never feel the same" would have been sufficient enough to deter me.
Oh, and I've even been in a situation where someone assumed that, because I had feelings for them in the past, my cordial attempts at friendship were romantic advances. They mistook my compassionate nature for interest. It was a bit insulting. It also made them seem rather full of themselves. Still, I stayed true to myself and continued being more kind to them than what they deserved.
Be firm with them but also be kind. Reject them clearly, without flattery or insult. :)
Read my other comment. I already said that. I straight up said "I don't like you I am sorry" and listed all the reasons we shouldn't date. It doesn't work.
In your post, you made it seem as though it's a recurring problem... In that case, the common denominator is you. Because most people really do get the 'hint' when a person says to them, "I don't like you."
But, if this is just one person or if you've had a past relationship with them, then it's different. If it's some obsessed stalker, with whom you've never had a relationship with beyond friendship, be aggressively direct when they make unwanted advances on you. You don't have to subject yourself to their crazy shit.
If it's someone you've been in a relationship with, then they deserve more care. Still, do everything you can to make sure there's never any confusion about how you feel. For example, if you tell them the reasons why you think they're a wonderful person and how your past relationship with them was amazing, then follow that with the bad news that you'll never like them; it can be a mixed message. If you haven't sent any mixed messages and you feel the need to have some space/time away from them (which is perfectly okay), tell them that's what you need; don't just simply ignore them and hope they get the message---that's so high school.
Then you need to detach from your friendship a little. Hang out less, blow her off, etc until she gets bored and moves on. Honestly I wouldn't worry about ruining your friendship, she's already doing that.
Is it normal to dislike being chased?
← View full post
Your 'hints' might be the source of your issue.
Being honest and direct can be done with tact, and in such a way that politeness won't be mistaken for flirtation. Saying "fuck off" is direct but it's overkill, and your sense of morality has kept you from using it like a weapon. You are not an awful person.
Tell them you are not interested----don't beat around the bush. Although, try to do it with some sensitivity since rejection isn't a fun experience for anyone.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
-
Anonymous Post Author
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
And, yeah, it's normal to dislike being pursued by those you're not interested in.
The direct approach doesn't work when they try to rationalize and think of reasons why you should accept being with them.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
2
2
Be more direct then. Of course they are going to try to rationalize why you should give them a chance. Let them. But maintain your expectations and be clear about it.
Some of the tactics you mentioned, ignoring or changing the subject, are not cool nor effective. It's passive aggressive and only leaves the person on the receiving end with more questions and doubts. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it magically go away, it only postpones it.
Like a lot of people, I have been in the position of wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way. I've also had the unfortunate experience of feeling that way towards someone who handled it quite poorly (blow-ups, waffling, ignoring, etc.). I can assure you, it sucks. It was also confusing. A simple "I'm sorry, I'll never feel the same" would have been sufficient enough to deter me.
Oh, and I've even been in a situation where someone assumed that, because I had feelings for them in the past, my cordial attempts at friendship were romantic advances. They mistook my compassionate nature for interest. It was a bit insulting. It also made them seem rather full of themselves. Still, I stayed true to myself and continued being more kind to them than what they deserved.
Be firm with them but also be kind. Reject them clearly, without flattery or insult. :)
--
Anonymous Post Author
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Read my other comment. I already said that. I straight up said "I don't like you I am sorry" and listed all the reasons we shouldn't date. It doesn't work.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
-
iEatZombies_
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
In your post, you made it seem as though it's a recurring problem... In that case, the common denominator is you. Because most people really do get the 'hint' when a person says to them, "I don't like you."
But, if this is just one person or if you've had a past relationship with them, then it's different. If it's some obsessed stalker, with whom you've never had a relationship with beyond friendship, be aggressively direct when they make unwanted advances on you. You don't have to subject yourself to their crazy shit.
If it's someone you've been in a relationship with, then they deserve more care. Still, do everything you can to make sure there's never any confusion about how you feel. For example, if you tell them the reasons why you think they're a wonderful person and how your past relationship with them was amazing, then follow that with the bad news that you'll never like them; it can be a mixed message. If you haven't sent any mixed messages and you feel the need to have some space/time away from them (which is perfectly okay), tell them that's what you need; don't just simply ignore them and hope they get the message---that's so high school.
Then you need to detach from your friendship a little. Hang out less, blow her off, etc until she gets bored and moves on. Honestly I wouldn't worry about ruining your friendship, she's already doing that.