Is it normal to crush almost exclusively on footballers?

I've actually tried that, you'll just end up an old man with half his face blown off to match his testicles, living in this godforsaken Argentina with a bunch of nazi bastards. They were able to give me the face of a very successful Georgian man called Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, who had died a few years after my suicide attempt. The mustache still grows well, but it has a mind of its own. I suppose that is common with transplants. Some people say I now have the good looks of Stalin with the fashion-sense of Hitler. They want me dead, for reasons that cannot be justified.
My little Hit is called das Hitlein. I do like Slapler though. You can be dappler.