Seems a hell of a shame for a 10 year friendship to go down the shitter over this.
I think you'll have to hash it out with her. Maybe you can reach an "agree to disagree" situation, where it's understood that some topics are just off limits for discussion. Maybe she's can be entitled to her views, but she's not entitled to offend everyone in the room. So she more or less has to keep them to herself unless invited to share them?
Not sure if she'd agree to that though.
It's a shame, because obviously she's just fallen in with a bad crowd. But I want to think that you won't give up on her, yaknow? Even though you've lost respect for her - that's just the crazy she is now, don't forget the underlying person she's always been.
But if she keeps going with the craziness, there's a limit to how far that can go without hurting the friendship.
Edit: oops Didn't see your responses. How did it go?
She acted shocked that I took offence to her comments repeatedly insisting that she's "not homophobic" but still said it was a sin to be gay and tried to justify it with weak arguments that "its one of many sins" and "sin doesn't mean a bad thing". I asked her what sin meant and she said "separation from God", I asked her to define separation from God and she looked awkward and said she couldn't.
She said its a sin in the bible and she can't be a Christian if she doesn't follow the whole bible, I pointed out that she doesn't follow the whole bible anyway and has cherry picked out the homophobic part, to which she again looked awkward and had no response.
She told me that the whole weekend at the coast had been on the morality of homosexuality concluding that it was a sin, to which I told her bluntly that it sounded like indoctrination. No prizes for guessing what she did- looked awkward and had no counter-argument.
She sounded like she was just regurgitating the homophobic arguments they had spoon-fed her without understanding or thinking about them, so I calmly got up, told her to go away, do some research on LGBT christians, educate herself on all the parts of the bible that she doesn't follow and get back to me.
Oh man...*sigh* the whole weekend was spent her being spoon-fed and absorbing this rubbish...jesus christ. I mean, um ....shit (hate to *blaspheme!!)
I think you handled it pretty much the best anyone could have. It's kind of up to her at this point, I guess.
Cos it's like, she's just had her head filled with all this rubbish, so of course the first thing she does is go out into the world and...spread it. Not excusing her, but I almost feel sorry for her - again, it doesn't make it ok. But I'm thinking that underneath it all she's confused. She probably walks away from the indoctrination camp 100% sure of her anti-gay convictions, then talks to you and (as you say) gets stumped, awkwardly fumbles and doesn't have clear answers.
Hopefully that's enough to make her realise she doesn't know everything, so at the very least maybe she should pipe down a bit and be a bit less....zealous.
Cos most of us go through stages of trying things out, right? Figuring out who we are, so hopefully she's just doing that. It's just that when we're young and open minded we're also easy to be taken advantage of, manipulated and have our brain's warped...
Anyway....You done good, as far as I can tell. Nothing more you can do, I don't think.
You handled that really well and gave her a lot to think about: with any luck she'll turn her brain back on and forget about the indoctrination she's been exposed to
I think she will, I've watched Sarah have fallouts in the past and she's never just walked away from a friendship without it either getting fixed or being dragged out into round after round of drama. This time I'm obviously hoping for the former scenario, but I have to accept that it will probably take some time.
Thanks for your responses by the way I have, for better or for worse, read every comment on this post and you've been a nice level-headed voice.
IIN to break a 10 year friendship after one horrible conversation?
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Seems a hell of a shame for a 10 year friendship to go down the shitter over this.
I think you'll have to hash it out with her. Maybe you can reach an "agree to disagree" situation, where it's understood that some topics are just off limits for discussion. Maybe she's can be entitled to her views, but she's not entitled to offend everyone in the room. So she more or less has to keep them to herself unless invited to share them?
Not sure if she'd agree to that though.
It's a shame, because obviously she's just fallen in with a bad crowd. But I want to think that you won't give up on her, yaknow? Even though you've lost respect for her - that's just the crazy she is now, don't forget the underlying person she's always been.
But if she keeps going with the craziness, there's a limit to how far that can go without hurting the friendship.
Edit: oops Didn't see your responses. How did it go?
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She acted shocked that I took offence to her comments repeatedly insisting that she's "not homophobic" but still said it was a sin to be gay and tried to justify it with weak arguments that "its one of many sins" and "sin doesn't mean a bad thing". I asked her what sin meant and she said "separation from God", I asked her to define separation from God and she looked awkward and said she couldn't.
She said its a sin in the bible and she can't be a Christian if she doesn't follow the whole bible, I pointed out that she doesn't follow the whole bible anyway and has cherry picked out the homophobic part, to which she again looked awkward and had no response.
She told me that the whole weekend at the coast had been on the morality of homosexuality concluding that it was a sin, to which I told her bluntly that it sounded like indoctrination. No prizes for guessing what she did- looked awkward and had no counter-argument.
She sounded like she was just regurgitating the homophobic arguments they had spoon-fed her without understanding or thinking about them, so I calmly got up, told her to go away, do some research on LGBT christians, educate herself on all the parts of the bible that she doesn't follow and get back to me.
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e51pegasi
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Oh man...*sigh* the whole weekend was spent her being spoon-fed and absorbing this rubbish...jesus christ. I mean, um ....shit (hate to *blaspheme!!)
I think you handled it pretty much the best anyone could have. It's kind of up to her at this point, I guess.
Cos it's like, she's just had her head filled with all this rubbish, so of course the first thing she does is go out into the world and...spread it. Not excusing her, but I almost feel sorry for her - again, it doesn't make it ok. But I'm thinking that underneath it all she's confused. She probably walks away from the indoctrination camp 100% sure of her anti-gay convictions, then talks to you and (as you say) gets stumped, awkwardly fumbles and doesn't have clear answers.
Hopefully that's enough to make her realise she doesn't know everything, so at the very least maybe she should pipe down a bit and be a bit less....zealous.
Cos most of us go through stages of trying things out, right? Figuring out who we are, so hopefully she's just doing that. It's just that when we're young and open minded we're also easy to be taken advantage of, manipulated and have our brain's warped...
Anyway....You done good, as far as I can tell. Nothing more you can do, I don't think.
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Cheers for your response, I'm hoping this is just a phase and in time she'll realise that homophobia is not a pre-requisite for Christianity.
You handled that really well and gave her a lot to think about: with any luck she'll turn her brain back on and forget about the indoctrination she's been exposed to
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Thanks Ellenna I hope so too.
Good for you. Are you expecting her to get back to you?
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I think she will, I've watched Sarah have fallouts in the past and she's never just walked away from a friendship without it either getting fixed or being dragged out into round after round of drama. This time I'm obviously hoping for the former scenario, but I have to accept that it will probably take some time.
Thanks for your responses by the way I have, for better or for worse, read every comment on this post and you've been a nice level-headed voice.
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e51pegasi
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Thank you & good luck.