It sounds to me like you're describing a "crush". At least, the way I would look at it. If it's about someone being "sexy" or merely easy to relate to, that fades quickly... that's just infatuation. It is still a very FUN feeling! But it ultimately pales in comparison. I like those relatively fleeting surges of intense connection, but they wouldn't cause me to proverbially "move mountains" in their sake.
Love, or "true love" as I've experienced it... is not just the intensity of the blossoming crush, but that entire need, that same fire burning - but it's no longer fueled by something that burns hot and fast and quickly peters out. While the intensity fades from the surface, it is pervasive beneath the practical realms of routine, familiarity, repetition, and contentment. It is as if when the dry, brittle paper that ignited with such a powerful burst of flame quickly consumed itself, it revealed a dense burning coal underneath. A particular kiss or touch, a shared experience, being open with one another, particularly fantastic sex, or even just the right look - that is like the bellows blowing on this coal, and you can feel it flare up with new heat.
As to how long it lasts? That's all up in the air. But if it stops burning, who is anyone to say it wasn't "real"? Nothing you do, even if you tried with all of your might, can ever erase what you felt in the past. Even if it was just a "crush" that intensity that you felt... it happened. Nothing is ever going to take it away, and it is henceforth carved into the history of your life. I suppose if you look at that, and think it wasn't "real" because it didn't last... well, that's just a matter of perspective. Yesterday is no longer happening today - will you deny yesterday's existence or validity?
Everything will fade, in the end. If I met someone on vacation and we had one day together... and it felt like what we've described above, who's to say it wasn't love? If I date someone for 15 years, get married, the whole 9 yards, and one day we grow apart and they leave? Who's to say that wasn't love. Nothing is eternal, and the only thing I've found that lasts a whole lifetime is our memories. What you take from an experience is up to you.
I suppose I compare sexual love with parental love, which is indestructible. It does not, ever, compare. And with parental love there is no 'crush' as we know it.
Parental and familial love is very different from romantic love. The Greeks broke love down into four categories, each with their own word, whereas we're limited to the one. Agape is "true love" or "unconditional love", Eros is passionate love (the 'crush'), Philia is friendship, affectionate love, and Storge is used to describe parental love. Perhaps look these up for more detailed descriptions, I find they're very apt for describing the feelings we have for those we care about.
Thanks, but it isn't due to lack of experience that I feel this way. Nor is lack of knowledge of the Greeks' philosophies. I still disagree. From experience I think sexual love is mostly biological and not to be trusted. Thanks for your input.
Is it normal to believe that sexual love is fake?
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It sounds to me like you're describing a "crush". At least, the way I would look at it. If it's about someone being "sexy" or merely easy to relate to, that fades quickly... that's just infatuation. It is still a very FUN feeling! But it ultimately pales in comparison. I like those relatively fleeting surges of intense connection, but they wouldn't cause me to proverbially "move mountains" in their sake.
Love, or "true love" as I've experienced it... is not just the intensity of the blossoming crush, but that entire need, that same fire burning - but it's no longer fueled by something that burns hot and fast and quickly peters out. While the intensity fades from the surface, it is pervasive beneath the practical realms of routine, familiarity, repetition, and contentment. It is as if when the dry, brittle paper that ignited with such a powerful burst of flame quickly consumed itself, it revealed a dense burning coal underneath. A particular kiss or touch, a shared experience, being open with one another, particularly fantastic sex, or even just the right look - that is like the bellows blowing on this coal, and you can feel it flare up with new heat.
As to how long it lasts? That's all up in the air. But if it stops burning, who is anyone to say it wasn't "real"? Nothing you do, even if you tried with all of your might, can ever erase what you felt in the past. Even if it was just a "crush" that intensity that you felt... it happened. Nothing is ever going to take it away, and it is henceforth carved into the history of your life. I suppose if you look at that, and think it wasn't "real" because it didn't last... well, that's just a matter of perspective. Yesterday is no longer happening today - will you deny yesterday's existence or validity?
Everything will fade, in the end. If I met someone on vacation and we had one day together... and it felt like what we've described above, who's to say it wasn't love? If I date someone for 15 years, get married, the whole 9 yards, and one day we grow apart and they leave? Who's to say that wasn't love. Nothing is eternal, and the only thing I've found that lasts a whole lifetime is our memories. What you take from an experience is up to you.
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Bubbles12
11 years ago
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You write beautifully.
I suppose I compare sexual love with parental love, which is indestructible. It does not, ever, compare. And with parental love there is no 'crush' as we know it.
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PumpkinKate
11 years ago
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Thank you for the compliment :)
Parental and familial love is very different from romantic love. The Greeks broke love down into four categories, each with their own word, whereas we're limited to the one. Agape is "true love" or "unconditional love", Eros is passionate love (the 'crush'), Philia is friendship, affectionate love, and Storge is used to describe parental love. Perhaps look these up for more detailed descriptions, I find they're very apt for describing the feelings we have for those we care about.
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Bubbles12
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Thanks, but it isn't due to lack of experience that I feel this way. Nor is lack of knowledge of the Greeks' philosophies. I still disagree. From experience I think sexual love is mostly biological and not to be trusted. Thanks for your input.