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My stepdaughter of 16 years old just moved back in after 3 years of disowning us,she has said bad things about my daughter and i,and is a pathological liar.
My husband seems like he has disowned my daughter,only talking with his daughter and not mine.
Is it normal to feel that my step daughter is up to all of this?? How do i get my husbands attention back? miss him terribly : (
I know what you feel... I have a step daughter who was eleven when I came along... My husband was alone and she never came to visit for at least a year before I came along but then decided to come over every weekend when she knew her dad was falling in love again... My husband loves her and always will but me and her did not get along, I tried but she just had SO much hate for me, obviously put in her head from her mother... We had a baby together and she said 'don't have any more kids or I'll lose my inheritance' REALLY!!! By then she was 13, she never cared for our new daughter, always trying to make her sick, coughing on her when she could, very jealous... At 15 she decided she was going to drink alcohol with her cousins while in our care, we had a huge argument were she said really mean things to me, then went home to her mum and called the police saying I bashed her, the argument is/was on camera, there was no 'bashing' involved... The police arrested me and threatened to take my then 2 yr old baby from me. We went to court and it got thrown out, from there her dad disowned her... She tried to tear us apart and sabotage our relationship, my husband said that she never wanted anything to do with him til I came along and she only visits when she feels like it, I'm his wife and will always be there, while she is consumed with other things I am there with my husband, he has to move on... That was 6 yrs ago, he still hasn't spoke to her, he misses the little girl she used to be but not the conniving trouble maker she became. We now have 2 daughters together and are very happy... I understand how you feel, i don't think you can break apart a fathers love but you have to show him you aren't leaving, you will be there for him when your girls grow up and leave home, just try and be there for him and his daughter and your own, but remind him your his wife and you'll always love him, kids grow up and leave... That is what I think??? Good Luck, step daughters are so complicated:)
No I don’t think it’s normal on this basis:- Its his biological daughter and no matter how much of a bond he has with you and your child, you have to understand she is his child and this will always remain a fact.
It is unfair for you to resent her for having a closer bond with her father than your child but more importantly, lets talk about the bond you have with his daughter. Have you made any great effort to make her feel part of your family? You obviously feel pain for your daughter, imagine how she feels about her relationship with you.
Is it possible that your husband has picked up on your feelings towards his child and as a result, is being protective of blood of his blood?
My advice would be to allow this relationship with his daughter to continue. I would also suggest that you take the time out to spend with her alone or with your daughter. This will assure her father that she is being included and accepted by you.
You point out alot of negative things about her, is your daughter perfect? How would you feel if your husband said this about your daughter.
Also is it possible for a 13 year old to abandon her family?
Your situation sounds like a nightmare. I would have no idea where to begin, as there is more than one issue here. I'm not sure anyone on this site is going to be able to give you a snap answer which will solve the problems overnight.
However, working with someone in a neutral environment may allow your family to work through its problems. I'm not the biggest fan of counselling but I think it may be a good option for problems like yours.
I could say that it sounds like you and your step-daughter are competing for her father's attention but that's guesswork. A counseller will know for sure and may be able to come up with strategies for co-existing more harmoniously.
it must be hard on the daughters. they are young. you should be mature and put their needs first. try not to take sides, be above all pettiness and be kind and a good role model. lead your husband by example (he sounds like he needs it too) time moves along and soon enough you will have him all to yourself and hopefully have a good relationship with both girls. also this would be good for your marriage