Is it normal to begin to hate and dislike your father?

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I'm a African American kid, my dad is currently a Major in the united states marine corps. He used to be the one I look up to. Now I'm 18 and I just look at him... :( Our father to son relationship kinda died after I graduated high school right after I graduated, life was getting exciting, until the week we had to move out of north Carolina. My dad and his marine (sergeant major, white guy who's married to a black woman.) partied 3 nights in a row before he went to Afghanistan... The 3rd night my dad's friend needed a ride home... (me being the freaking designated driver again)... Before we left the house my little bro wanted to drive them, and my brother took the keys from me. My father got upset and said, NO, xyz's DRIVING. My dad had just got done drinking Patron (very hard liquor) and he put his hands on my biceps and brushed through my little sister and my mother and put me up against a wall with the back of my head touching the key rack. He said be a man and drive. And I'm like this guy is on crack and has gone crazy... :( so now my arms hurt, and I'm entering my dark moments... I start driving my dad's truck extremely fast, a dodge ram 2500 and my cousin says slow down kyri, I was doing 5 over 35 speed limit and I'm like. It's fine I'm doing 5 over the speed limit. I'm on a mini highway. I almost teared up inside and had a vision about driving a truck over into a ditch from 100ft that would kill me since I would open the door and unstrap my seat belt. But I'm in Louisiana now and nobody's dead.... Yet... But my dad yelled at me for staying inside the house ever since we moved in for 2 weeks and wants me to socialize more. I get upset and go running... And I posted on Facebook "another one of those moments, so I said screw it and I went running". Now I'm sitting here typing this story at the dinner table and my dad obviously read my message. He said after I'm done eating, we need to talk. I'm about to talk to someone who's no longer my hero/ idol... After all the abuse that I had... Typical alcohol, black father who abuses their kids... Me and my brother rate my dad a D-... So guys and gals, before I go suicidal, is it normal to hate your own father who created you?

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Comments ( 7 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Incorrect245
    6 years ago | pl

    I fucking hate my dad, he thinks he can control me & my life. He just hit me and bashed me idk what to do with my life I can't deal with this life anymore I've thought about running away but I'm goning to be leaving my younger brother behind.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    Those black fathers...tsk tsk tsk.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    He could be under an extreme amount of stress because of his job - the kind of stress that messes with a person's mind.

    Still that's not an excuse to be a bad parent, but it's good to understand what they are going through, instead of thinking only about what you are going through.

    Not all parents are "heroes". If you have one that's not an ideal parent, don't despair. Know that, one day: you will not live with them, they won't have a direct influence on you & your life, they will miss you so much it hurts, they will always love you - even if it's in a warped way, and then they'll die, regretting the tattered relationship they had with you.

    Be patient.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago | pl

    I'm glad you have a release in your running. It's just a combination of your hormones and his ego. You want to thank God that's the worst he's ever done to you, and forgive him for being a dick. Your own life will start soon and sometimes you will look back and wish you hadn't done certain things. It will all be OK, just let it go.

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  • Darkonan
    12 years ago | pl

    My situation doesn't sound too different than yours. My father was always a D-bag, I idolized him as a kid and it's just as I got older I realized how he really is.
    It's not something to harm yourself over, just work on getting out of there and if he really is that bad have no more to do with him.

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  • lovergrl
    12 years ago | pl

    I forgot to mention that when he gets old he's going to want his boys to be near him. He's only pushing you away..

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  • lovergrl
    12 years ago | pl

    No parent is perfect. Your old enough do your own thing and live your own life. I know he's your father and you might dislike him now but don't focus on that. It's something he might regret later on and ofcourse being suicidal isn't going to really solve anything.

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