Is it normal to be with this guy at all?

41% Normal

Well I'm 19 years old and last week I met this guy at my job (he's 28), we immediately started dating and now we're a couple.. Which I know is all too fast but I feel very attracted to him and the couple of days we've been spending time with each other I feel so close to him and we can relate alot.. We also have some of the same things on our to-do lists! The only thing is he was in a relationship when we met, I didn't know this at all until he left his girlfriend, when I found out I couldn't say anything.. I mean I've never been in that situation at all and I'm very inexperienced in relationships so I ignored it and stayed with him... Now the other night we almost got into it but I couldn't go through with it, I feel as if it's too fast and sort of slutty if I were to have sex with him already. Plus I'm still a virgin...So I'm scared about him being the right one.. but it's very confusing for me.. I feel as though we're in love but I'm not sure if these feelings are just raging hormones or if he's really the one. =\
Any advice?

Voting Results

41% Normal

Based on 49 votes (20 yes)

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Comments ( 30 )

Alison89

12 years ago

If he already had a girlfriend when you started dating and he didn't tell you about her, he's already establishing that he's dishonest and deceitful. If he started seeing you when he already had a girlfriend, would you be surprised if he started seeing someone else while he's still dating you?

Are you sure you really have that much in common or do you tell him what you like and he says, "Me, too!"

Based on what you've said, I think you're going to find out that he'll only be interested in you until he finds someone else to be interested in, then he'll dump you like he did his old girlfriend, if he even dumped her.

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- [Old Memory]
  
  12 years ago
  
  Or it could have been just awkward for him.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  He did leave her.. but says that their relationship had went sour anyways and apologizes so much for not telling me in the first place.. Just recently he decided to confess that he had cheated on her before and I have no idea what to think because he tells me he learned from his mistakes and won't hurt me.. and I feel like such a fool but I sort of believe him..
  
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  - Alison89
    
    12 years ago
    
    My gut feeling, based on what you said so far, is that he's a cheater and he's looking for the next thing.
    
    Of course he's going to tell you he's not going to hurt you. He might even believe that himself to some extent.
    
    I've seen lots of people who will say that they were in a bad relationship as an excuse for cheating on the other person.
    
    Do you really want to be in a relationship that started off with so many lies AND with someone you work with? What happens when your relationship goes sour? You're stuck working with this guy.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      Well from what I was told, it was only this girlfriend he has cheated on, the past ones had hurt him.. He's actually very afraid I will leave him or that I might cheat on him because I'm better looking than his ex's and younger.. I do hope he won't cheat though I think I'm more attached to him now.. =\
      
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      - Alison89
        
        12 years ago
        
        And who was telling you this? If it was him, you can't believe him. He's the one who didn't tell you he had a girlfriend when you started dating him, right?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        12 years ago
        
        Well he told me after a couple of days.. and yes it his him who's telling me about his ex's..
        
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      - dan90655
        
        12 years ago
        
        did they tell you they broke up with him or did he tell you that try to get in contact with them befor you persue this relationship
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        12 years ago
        
        Well I'm sort of scared to contact his last girlfriend, I don't know how she would react to me asking about her ex... He told her that I had no idea at first that he had a gf, and i didn't, but idk if she believes it..
        
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  - dan90655
    
    12 years ago
    
    you are a dumb hoe if you beleave him i say this couse you are a dumb hoe if you are thinking of giving your virginity to an ass hole like him im a guy and im telling you now when a guy has to say he wont hurt you like that and he done it twice before hes not gonna stop
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      i'm not going to listen to you at all with you talking to me like that... i'm here for advice and you aren't helping at all!
      
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equanimity

12 years ago

You met him last week.

I think the short amount of time you've known him is a pretty good indicator that most of what you are feeling is hormones.

It's normal to feel that way and to want to have sex, but just because your body is telling you "yes" it doesn't always mean it's such a good idea.

If you are a virgin, any decent man his age, would give you more time than a week, a lot more time, to feel comfortable.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Well we spoke about it.. and he said he understands why I would want to wait and that he's perfectly fine with it.. So I that's a good sign, right? I was with him yesterday and he didn't try to do it so that made me feel much better.
  
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  - Alison89
    
    12 years ago
    
    That is a good indicator, but think about it, you've dated him a few weeks now and you've already caught him in lies and know he was seeing another girl when you started dating. Of course he explained that he's an angel and it was all their fault. While he's there sweet-talking you, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find out that he's chatting up one or more girls right now, and on top of that, he's telling them how you're evil or controlling or crazy.
    
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AnalyticalAm

12 years ago

Him trying to be with you, all while he was with his girlfriend, shows that he's willing to jump from one relationship to another when he feels like he has a better offer or wants someone else. He may be just praying on you.

You don't know how long he was with this other girl, and honestly I don't know if it would make it better or worse. Maybe had been with the other girl long enough to have sex with him. Maybe that was it. He had a conquest. That could mean you are next. Maybe he was with her over a year. You don't know if the relationship was crumbling or just not right for him. Or if things were fine and he just didn't care about breaking her trust or her heart

What do you expect for the future with this guy? You've been with him only a week. He pulled a serious red flag and then tried to get with you.

Also consider the age gap. I'm not saying he's too old for you, necessarily. But you don't think its kind of gross for a man almost 10 years older to meet you and jump into things so fast? You are 19. I understand you are over 18, but just so recently you were 16. The physical difference is very little. That to me is a little creepy of him. I'm not putting you down . Please understand that. I'm putting him down. I don't like how fast he's moving with you in this situation.

I think I could accept it as more normal if he was taking it slow and trying to gain your trust and affections. It just seems like he doesn't care and wants your body.

I agree, feeling turned on and wanting sex is normal. But be careful who it's with or you'll get hurt. He may make you feel dirty afterward if it doesn't feel right. He may even be a selfish lover trying to get off.

I'm sure you wanted to hear that you should give him a shot, but you have to think beyond his words and consider his actions. Words can be very pretty. Dress them up the way you want. But actions are much more clear.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  It doesn't make it better to know that he was with his now ex-girlfriend for 12 years. I'm just confused because my friends didn't give me the best advice and I don't think they're being honest with me..sometimes I feel like I should contact his ex but I know it's a stupid idea that'll turn horribly wrong..
  The good thing is that when I was with him the other night he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with and I even told him I wasn't going to have sex with him anytime soon which he says he understands and is okay with.. So I guess I should just see what he's like meanwhile.?
  Before I forget, thank you so much for your response! It was the most helpful =)
  
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  - AnalyticalAm
    
    12 years ago
    
    I'm glad it helped you! It seems like you are taking the careful steps. :)
    
    I was in a relationship with a lot of red flags that I ignored. I started making up excuses for him and believed them. I started saying things will change after this or that. It doesn't. I wanted to like this guy so much. I loved him truly, but as the excitement of first love began to wear off, I wondered what I had been thinking. I'm not in that relationship anymore. Once I began seeing the truth, I couldn't un-see it, and I feel out of love. I was in love with the facade.
    
    Sounds like you took a good stand. :)Just keep looking for red flags. Good luck to you. Post on here again as things progress. We'd like to hear you are doing well, with him or without :)
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      I've still been seeing him and I'm so happy to say that he hasn't tried to pressure me at all into doing anything! I don't know... but I do believe he cares for me now, at first I was very afraid he was trying to use me but he's actually been doing a lot for me and we've been going out so many places. He introduced me to his folks and showed me around his part of town... This is a good sign right? ^-^
      
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      - AnalyticalAm
        
        12 years ago
        
        I'm glad things are working out for you. I hope everything stays comfortable for you and you find happiness. :) Best of luck. :)
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        12 years ago
        
        Thank you so much♥ I'll keep you updated ^-^
        
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  - Alison89
    
    12 years ago
    
    Wait, he's 28 and he was with this girl for 12 years. That means he was seeing her when he was 16. Earlier, you mentioned there were other girls. When did he have time for them if he was with her for the last 12 years?
    
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  - dan90655
    
    12 years ago
    
    personally as a guy when i was younger i would do anything to pop a girls cerry i know this makes me sound like an ass hole but its true
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      but.. you'd waste so much time... what kinds of things would you do..??
      
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Who_Fan4Life

12 years ago

It looks like you took an --Knee-->

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SofieFatale

12 years ago

Please don't ever have sex with him. He wants a virgin. Trust me. The same EXACT thing happened to me. I made my mistake and I am trying to save you. Please wait. Watch, of you have sex with him, he will have sex with you about fifty to sixty times. Then you're old news. He will be gone shortly after. He will have an inflated ego afterwards for scoring a young hot virgin and you will be in pieces tryin to turn back time. Please please please.

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SofieFatale

12 years ago

Do not have sex with him! I am begging you. He is not the one. You will regret it and hate yourself afterwards. Save yourself for the man who will wait till marriage with you, that is how you will know he is the right now. If he shows you that you are worth waiting for. Please do not do it :(

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signallives

12 years ago

I would definitely wait and give it a while. I am always hesitant of a guy that says he would break up with his girlfriend for me. If he were to do that to his current, would he do that to me when something better came along? Maybe. That is why I would definitely wait and see what happens. Give it a few months and see if you two are still happy together.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Yea, I want to see if I can at least stay with him for more than 3 months.. Usually I get bored of people after a couple of weeks and I want to see if he changes at all..
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to be with this guy at all?