OP, I'm sorry you've had such a negative female influence on your life from such a young age. What you're describing is conditioned, psychological abuse and the fact that is was perpetrated by women is why you have this residual fear of hurting them. It is a coping mechanism that you have developed as a response to your environment. Have you spoken to a psychologist about this? Society downplays the manipulation men often face from women and the damaging effects it can have on all your interactions with them.
It's hard when you crave sexual and emotional relationships with people you're terrified of hurting or offending. I think deep down you're afraid of them hurting you, because of what you've endured through out your life. I really think it would be beneficial for you to talk to a specialist. I have had nearly identical feelings towards men (I'm a woman) due to my father's treatment of my own mother when I was growing up, and those wounds run deeper than even we know.
Wow. I was just starting to put my mom into all this. I hadn't thought that deeply about it before posting this. What's crazy though is that in a lot of ways my mom is still one of the best women or people I know. Super generous and giving, takes care of everyone it's just that everyone leaned on her too muh and every so often... like once a year she would blow up, usually because someone finally pushed her too far and kept pushing because they thought they could, but then she'd explode, always at home and only towards me like 3 times ever. Point is it never took me being nearly as angry as her to set it off. I was always way more calm comparitively and a lot of times didn't know when it was coming. It happens less now because I can tell when she's at the edge and I know how to make sure nothing I do will offend her. That leaks out to other women though.
It sucks because I guess I keep thinking even really good women can just explode with crazy anger out of the blue. I guess I just see women. As... volititile and capable of starting huge Chan reactions of cociquences.
It's that "having to walk on eggshells" feeling you have, because of your fear of getting an explosive reaction. I think that's carried over. Some women are volatile and abusive like this, and I can understand your hesitation because of this. But a lot of women are like your mother; they take so much flack from other people and just smile and bear it and it just builds and builds until something so minuscule causes an explosion. It's not a healthy way to deal with anger, and I struggle with this sometimes myself. Women are people who are only human, and that means that they, like you, were all raised in different environments under different circumstances. This can affect how they treat men and women around them, much like you're being effected due to your upbringing.
What's important is communication. You need to be open and honest with the women you're dating, tell them your feelings and why you feel like this. We aren't mind readers and often we end up confirming your fears because we didn't know they existed and weren't able to consider them. Sex with strangers/no strings attached is what I consider optimal, but even that comes with dangers of confused feelings and women and men using each other and seeing the other as a purely sexual object.
Navigating these waters is definitely a difficult task.
IIN to be utterly terrified of hurting women in any way?
← View full post
OP, I'm sorry you've had such a negative female influence on your life from such a young age. What you're describing is conditioned, psychological abuse and the fact that is was perpetrated by women is why you have this residual fear of hurting them. It is a coping mechanism that you have developed as a response to your environment. Have you spoken to a psychologist about this? Society downplays the manipulation men often face from women and the damaging effects it can have on all your interactions with them.
It's hard when you crave sexual and emotional relationships with people you're terrified of hurting or offending. I think deep down you're afraid of them hurting you, because of what you've endured through out your life. I really think it would be beneficial for you to talk to a specialist. I have had nearly identical feelings towards men (I'm a woman) due to my father's treatment of my own mother when I was growing up, and those wounds run deeper than even we know.
Best of luck
--
Anonymous Post Author
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
Wow. I was just starting to put my mom into all this. I hadn't thought that deeply about it before posting this. What's crazy though is that in a lot of ways my mom is still one of the best women or people I know. Super generous and giving, takes care of everyone it's just that everyone leaned on her too muh and every so often... like once a year she would blow up, usually because someone finally pushed her too far and kept pushing because they thought they could, but then she'd explode, always at home and only towards me like 3 times ever. Point is it never took me being nearly as angry as her to set it off. I was always way more calm comparitively and a lot of times didn't know when it was coming. It happens less now because I can tell when she's at the edge and I know how to make sure nothing I do will offend her. That leaks out to other women though.
It sucks because I guess I keep thinking even really good women can just explode with crazy anger out of the blue. I guess I just see women. As... volititile and capable of starting huge Chan reactions of cociquences.
--
westoptic
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
It's that "having to walk on eggshells" feeling you have, because of your fear of getting an explosive reaction. I think that's carried over. Some women are volatile and abusive like this, and I can understand your hesitation because of this. But a lot of women are like your mother; they take so much flack from other people and just smile and bear it and it just builds and builds until something so minuscule causes an explosion. It's not a healthy way to deal with anger, and I struggle with this sometimes myself. Women are people who are only human, and that means that they, like you, were all raised in different environments under different circumstances. This can affect how they treat men and women around them, much like you're being effected due to your upbringing.
What's important is communication. You need to be open and honest with the women you're dating, tell them your feelings and why you feel like this. We aren't mind readers and often we end up confirming your fears because we didn't know they existed and weren't able to consider them. Sex with strangers/no strings attached is what I consider optimal, but even that comes with dangers of confused feelings and women and men using each other and seeing the other as a purely sexual object.
Navigating these waters is definitely a difficult task.