Your sexuality is just a label. You don't have to obey it or act a certain way because of it. Largely, it doesn't even matter what it is. Just go with what makes you happy at the time and forget what tag society (or yourself) puts on you.
I understand this sentiment, but for all this talk dramatic talk about how labels are destructive and reductive and should be renounced, everyone seems to forget that we exist in a largely label-driven society (and what's more, that's *not* an inherently bad thing).
In this particular case, it doesn't seem as though this girl is looking to be consumed by some sort of identity - she's just trying to find the right word for what she's feeling. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
For once in my time on IIN, I'm going to disagree with you. Yes, yes, I know.
It was when the OP said that she didn't want to fall in love with a girl because it felt weird and wrong. I'm not suggesting it's the label itself (as opposed to our feelings about the label) but if the label becomes a focal point for unwarranted negativity in a wider sense (i.e. it's not okay to be gay) then is it really something we should choose for ourselves?
As an example, the word "spastic" came to be an insult in this country because of The Spastic Society. It had such massively negative connotations (imagine an LGBT group being called "Pervert and Weirdo Club") that they had to change the name to SCOPE. Of course, a certain demographic then tried to popularise the word "scoper" as a pejorative but it never gained the same foothold (perhaps because spastic can be abbreviated to "spaz" as a neat little pocket-sized insult).
I agree we live in a label-driven society. We absolutely have to; our language would be very strange without nouns. But I don't think it's unacceptable to back away from some labels.
I don't think we're necessarily in disagreement here. Yes, one should not be preoccupied with rejecting or filling whatever mold a label provides, but I think the label she's searching for is one of function and comfort. Yes, we should realize that our perceptions of labels are largely a result of societal bias, but that doesn't negate or invalidate that it feels wrong to her. Which is the more legitimate emotion - infatuation with a person, or the confused recoil from that infatuation?
I think we're rarely in disagreement but we can easily make it look like we are. Whenever I debate with you, I'm always aware that I'm choosing ever-smaller points to pick at. I guess that, in itself, means that we agree.
I certainly agree that there is a world of difference between a person knowing that being gay is not right for them, and a society saying that being gay is wrong for everyone.
I hope the OP doesn't read what we wrote and finds herself more confused than ever!
Does the label matter? Should the label dictate who you can be attracted to.
Say if someone decides they're "bi" for example. Does it really mean they're obliged to have sex with either gender? Or are they allowed to just be with one person that they want and ignore the other gender?
Maybe it's me but it seems that a lot of people of late - especially here - seem to think that it's obliged.
Is it normal to be unsure about my sexuality?
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Your sexuality is just a label. You don't have to obey it or act a certain way because of it. Largely, it doesn't even matter what it is. Just go with what makes you happy at the time and forget what tag society (or yourself) puts on you.
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flutterhigh
11 years ago
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Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
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I understand this sentiment, but for all this talk dramatic talk about how labels are destructive and reductive and should be renounced, everyone seems to forget that we exist in a largely label-driven society (and what's more, that's *not* an inherently bad thing).
In this particular case, it doesn't seem as though this girl is looking to be consumed by some sort of identity - she's just trying to find the right word for what she's feeling. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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dappled
11 years ago
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For once in my time on IIN, I'm going to disagree with you. Yes, yes, I know.
It was when the OP said that she didn't want to fall in love with a girl because it felt weird and wrong. I'm not suggesting it's the label itself (as opposed to our feelings about the label) but if the label becomes a focal point for unwarranted negativity in a wider sense (i.e. it's not okay to be gay) then is it really something we should choose for ourselves?
As an example, the word "spastic" came to be an insult in this country because of The Spastic Society. It had such massively negative connotations (imagine an LGBT group being called "Pervert and Weirdo Club") that they had to change the name to SCOPE. Of course, a certain demographic then tried to popularise the word "scoper" as a pejorative but it never gained the same foothold (perhaps because spastic can be abbreviated to "spaz" as a neat little pocket-sized insult).
I agree we live in a label-driven society. We absolutely have to; our language would be very strange without nouns. But I don't think it's unacceptable to back away from some labels.
--
Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
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flutterhigh
11 years ago
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the OP also specified that she was still into guys.
which to me suggests perhaps a confusion on what labels dictate.
that somehow maybe she thinks it's wrong or strange to still like men if she finds women attractive.
I don't think we're necessarily in disagreement here. Yes, one should not be preoccupied with rejecting or filling whatever mold a label provides, but I think the label she's searching for is one of function and comfort. Yes, we should realize that our perceptions of labels are largely a result of societal bias, but that doesn't negate or invalidate that it feels wrong to her. Which is the more legitimate emotion - infatuation with a person, or the confused recoil from that infatuation?
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dappled
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I think we're rarely in disagreement but we can easily make it look like we are. Whenever I debate with you, I'm always aware that I'm choosing ever-smaller points to pick at. I guess that, in itself, means that we agree.
I certainly agree that there is a world of difference between a person knowing that being gay is not right for them, and a society saying that being gay is wrong for everyone.
I hope the OP doesn't read what we wrote and finds herself more confused than ever!
Exactly.
Does the label matter? Should the label dictate who you can be attracted to.
Say if someone decides they're "bi" for example. Does it really mean they're obliged to have sex with either gender? Or are they allowed to just be with one person that they want and ignore the other gender?
Maybe it's me but it seems that a lot of people of late - especially here - seem to think that it's obliged.