Don't worry about this for another second. It's your right to disclose or not to disclose personal information. The fact that you feel ashamed about your sexuality is something that will slowly fade, but you should feel no external pressure from society. You don't owe anyone a thing. Because you're only bisexual and not biromantic, the only people who ever need to know you're into guys sexually are potential male sex partners. Your mom doesn't need to know, your boss doesn't need to know, and your girlfriend doesn't need to know (unless you cheat on her).
All you are is somebody who is sexually open-minded and true to himself, that's it. As somebody hinted at above, you might end up breaking a few hearts or disappointing guys at the very least, as undoubtedly a few of your sexual partners will develop stronger feelings for you than you ever will be able to have toward them. Maintaining friendships with people in these situations is usually impossible. So if you find out one of your close male friends is 'in to you' I'd not let it become sexual as you might end up losing that friendship because you won't feel anything romantic toward him. Because you're bi and you have a choice when it comes to sexual partners, you should probably stick with only women unless you're certain the guy understands the no-strings policy. You need to treat these potential relationships with men as delicately as you would an attractive, but perhaps airheaded or shallow, woman you want to sleep with but have no intention of getting involved with romantically.
A lot of people think of romance as having more to do with the person's soul than their body, but this isn't the case, and it's easy to explain why. Let's say you meet someone online and they're literally perfect for you in every way. They're kind, smart, funny, and they really get you, but you've never even seen their face or heard their voice, so you haven't developed any sexual feelings for them, but you might have developed romantic love for them and care about them deeply. Then it all goes to hell when you find out this person isn't a girl. They never lied, but you'd never asked and just assumed his gender. You think you're still gonna have those romantic feelings? No way. Romance IS conditional upon the physical body of the person, not just their mind.
Though anyone needs attraction for sex, in your case what is needed for romance is a female body. It's not logical, but it's nature. For you, life is 3-tiered; sex, romantic love, and platonic love have separate conditions. Sexually, you're attracted to certain types and just so happen to ignore the gender border. You don't think every woman is hot, and you don't think every man is hot. Romantically, you can only have "mushy", romantic feelings for women. You'd only want to kiss and cuddle with a woman you love and find attractive. In other words, for romance, you need all three: gender, beauty, and personality. Then there's platonic love. This is the category that every decent human being will share. When you're not otherwise conditioned or biased against gender, orientation, race, religion, nationality, etc, all it takes to love a person platonically is for them to be a good person or a good friend. This is the love you have for your friends of any gender and your parents and other family members. If anyone ever asks you why love and sex are seemingly so "complicated" for you, you can explain it like this, dividing it up between what you need sexually, romantically, and platonically. I hope this helped you understand yourself a bit better. Maybe the more you understand, the less you'll resent your "complicated" sexuality. I think it's terrific that you're not like every other straight dude out there. :)
This helped more than you can possibly know. I have been searching for answers and this has helped so much and it makes perfect sense.
I really appreciate you explaining the 3 different types of love. That is exactly right on how I feel. It really helps make me feel a lot more normal and natural, as opposed to feeling ashamed and guilty.
I will for sure take your advice and be certain to let any potential male partners know that I cannot be romantically involved with them, only sexually.
Thank you for your writing all this out for me. I really appreciate it.
IIN to be to ashamed to let anyone know I'm bisexual?
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Don't worry about this for another second. It's your right to disclose or not to disclose personal information. The fact that you feel ashamed about your sexuality is something that will slowly fade, but you should feel no external pressure from society. You don't owe anyone a thing. Because you're only bisexual and not biromantic, the only people who ever need to know you're into guys sexually are potential male sex partners. Your mom doesn't need to know, your boss doesn't need to know, and your girlfriend doesn't need to know (unless you cheat on her).
All you are is somebody who is sexually open-minded and true to himself, that's it. As somebody hinted at above, you might end up breaking a few hearts or disappointing guys at the very least, as undoubtedly a few of your sexual partners will develop stronger feelings for you than you ever will be able to have toward them. Maintaining friendships with people in these situations is usually impossible. So if you find out one of your close male friends is 'in to you' I'd not let it become sexual as you might end up losing that friendship because you won't feel anything romantic toward him. Because you're bi and you have a choice when it comes to sexual partners, you should probably stick with only women unless you're certain the guy understands the no-strings policy. You need to treat these potential relationships with men as delicately as you would an attractive, but perhaps airheaded or shallow, woman you want to sleep with but have no intention of getting involved with romantically.
A lot of people think of romance as having more to do with the person's soul than their body, but this isn't the case, and it's easy to explain why. Let's say you meet someone online and they're literally perfect for you in every way. They're kind, smart, funny, and they really get you, but you've never even seen their face or heard their voice, so you haven't developed any sexual feelings for them, but you might have developed romantic love for them and care about them deeply. Then it all goes to hell when you find out this person isn't a girl. They never lied, but you'd never asked and just assumed his gender. You think you're still gonna have those romantic feelings? No way. Romance IS conditional upon the physical body of the person, not just their mind.
Though anyone needs attraction for sex, in your case what is needed for romance is a female body. It's not logical, but it's nature. For you, life is 3-tiered; sex, romantic love, and platonic love have separate conditions. Sexually, you're attracted to certain types and just so happen to ignore the gender border. You don't think every woman is hot, and you don't think every man is hot. Romantically, you can only have "mushy", romantic feelings for women. You'd only want to kiss and cuddle with a woman you love and find attractive. In other words, for romance, you need all three: gender, beauty, and personality. Then there's platonic love. This is the category that every decent human being will share. When you're not otherwise conditioned or biased against gender, orientation, race, religion, nationality, etc, all it takes to love a person platonically is for them to be a good person or a good friend. This is the love you have for your friends of any gender and your parents and other family members. If anyone ever asks you why love and sex are seemingly so "complicated" for you, you can explain it like this, dividing it up between what you need sexually, romantically, and platonically. I hope this helped you understand yourself a bit better. Maybe the more you understand, the less you'll resent your "complicated" sexuality. I think it's terrific that you're not like every other straight dude out there. :)
Sorry for making this so long :/
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Anonymous Post Author
8 years ago
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This helped more than you can possibly know. I have been searching for answers and this has helped so much and it makes perfect sense.
I really appreciate you explaining the 3 different types of love. That is exactly right on how I feel. It really helps make me feel a lot more normal and natural, as opposed to feeling ashamed and guilty.
I will for sure take your advice and be certain to let any potential male partners know that I cannot be romantically involved with them, only sexually.
Thank you for your writing all this out for me. I really appreciate it.
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Koda
8 years ago
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You're so welcome (: I'm SO happy this helped a bit. I enjoy giving these types of things a lot of thought, so it was no trouble at all (: Good luck!