Is it normal to be this cold hearted??

Ha you sound like NPD or sociopath, people that lack empathy cause in their childhood they somehow learnt that they are unlovable, and in order to avoid the absolute pain of facing the fact that they are unworthy, they create this bubble where they become total jerks to others and are incapable to feel love. Love is not a selfish feeling, the opposite, love is complete selflessness, when you would do anything for another person. If it becomes selfish, it's no longer love. Don't get the words 'relationship' and 'love' mixed up. So yeah, sounds horrible, would hate to be you. If you feel happy for other's misfortune it's because you are so sure inside that you yourself are a failure that if they would have succeeded, it would be a constant reminder that you are f......d up. So if they fail, it's like a relief that you are not the only miserable douche. You can go on playing tough, but you will just be fooling yourself for the rest of your life with your protective little bubble. The truth is that it was your parents and circumstances that taught you this way and in reality you are more than worthy of living and feeling the life to the fullest. And there is LOAAAAAAADS of free material out there to help, but since NPD always thinks that he is the onlyone that knows anything and everyone else is full of BS, then he will never learn and will never get help and will live the rest of his life in misery, forever and ever...and ever....