I think you are being unfair to straight parents now but I'll give you a hint on why I stand against gay marriage. I do not believe, that a set of gay parents unconditionally loving a child, is worse than a set of straight parents who do not give love to their child, the idea is though, that no parents should be doing things like driving drunk with their kids onboard, or at all, forgiving someone who molested you is one thing, but I don't think bring them in again should have happened unless you were ready for that. Any parent can make these mistakes, however ignorant they are, straight or gay. No one should be doing that period.
My problem with gay parents, is that I do not believe that love is the only thing required to raise a child, I firmly believe in gender roles, to a degree, and how a mother and a father affects a childs growth differently. I believe naturally, men are more stern than woman, are therefore more likely to help a child understand responsibility and consequences, whereas a mother is more often one who will extend love and grace to a child even if they have misbehaved, both sexes can do either, but I believe one does them better, maybe from how they are raised, maybe from genetics as well, I feel as though it is part of our nature, and rewriting that would take a long time. So the way I see it is, a man and a woman who unconditionally love their child is ideal, to me. And I am willing to change my opinion if studies on gender role and indentification truly prove null. But I haven't yet.
I hope we can respect each other's opinion and can come to an understanding sooner or later.
Your view on gay marriage is very interesting.
Do you believe gay couples should be banned from raising children?
If so, then you must also be against single adults raising children as well, because that raises the same problem.
You feel it's part of our nature. Ok, sure. But how other people raise their kids, and particularly how other people are allowed to live and raise their kids, shouldn't be based on your personal feelings.
You haven't presented evidence that children need the environment you're describing, you've just stated that it seems that way to you. That's good enough for you to form an opinion about how you'd like to live your life. You can live your life however you like. But when it comes to what other people are allowed to do, we really need more than your personal reckoning and experience. My experience, incidentally, is different. My mom was more stern than my dad when I was growing up. The same is true in many families. It just varies from family to family and from parent to parent.
Even if it were more difficult to raise a child in a same sex marriage, so what? There are a lot of things that can present challenges in raising children, but that doesn't mean that people who they apply to shouldn't be allowed to get married or have kids. I'm physically disabled, and that will affect how I'm able to raise my kids, when I have them. Some things will be different and, at times, harder. Should I not be allowed to have kids, or even marry? It can be challenging for older people to raise children, as well as people who already have many children. Should they not be allowed to marry or have children?
In the end, it's really none of your business. It's not your marriage, it's not your children, and it's not your job to judge based on what conditions you consider ideal. Let people decide what's best for them.
You're right, I don't think I was being fair. I used the word against, which I am not, I am just not for, maybe therefore that means I am against, but right now I am just not ready to support something that I don't know about. I talk about gender identity a lot and I'm glad you've pointed me out because now I really want to do the research and see if one truly affects the other.
I just want to make myself clear though. I don't want to deny others happiness but my personal confusion might surely be doing that. I don't want to lead people down the wrong path and I'm sorry. I'll take some time to think about it.
Of course no one should mistreat a child but what my mom was saying was essentially that no matter how bad a straight couple is they're still better than even the BEST (capable, loving, caring, stable) gay couple. For someone like myself who was mistreated badly by my straight parents, it's hard to hear someone be so concerned about the impact of merely being gay as being worse than all of the horrible things they did to us. She is willing to fight hard against gays being married and raising children but never fought for her own children and made no effort to be a good parent herself.
I think it's just extremely triggering for you to hear an anti gay marriage argument from your mom because she's such an awful parent and a raging hypocrite. Your mother is probably the last person who needs to be talking to anyone about family values, especially you and your brother. You might need to limit the time you spend with your mother especially if she's not sober yet.
This is true. She cannot condemn gay marriage and at the same time excuse her own actions, she may have similar beliefs as I, which don't make them 100% right, but I think her difficulty with admitting her failings as a parent have less to do with being straight and more to do with her being unable to come to terms with it.
Is it normal to be so infuriated and sad over this?
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I think you are being unfair to straight parents now but I'll give you a hint on why I stand against gay marriage. I do not believe, that a set of gay parents unconditionally loving a child, is worse than a set of straight parents who do not give love to their child, the idea is though, that no parents should be doing things like driving drunk with their kids onboard, or at all, forgiving someone who molested you is one thing, but I don't think bring them in again should have happened unless you were ready for that. Any parent can make these mistakes, however ignorant they are, straight or gay. No one should be doing that period.
My problem with gay parents, is that I do not believe that love is the only thing required to raise a child, I firmly believe in gender roles, to a degree, and how a mother and a father affects a childs growth differently. I believe naturally, men are more stern than woman, are therefore more likely to help a child understand responsibility and consequences, whereas a mother is more often one who will extend love and grace to a child even if they have misbehaved, both sexes can do either, but I believe one does them better, maybe from how they are raised, maybe from genetics as well, I feel as though it is part of our nature, and rewriting that would take a long time. So the way I see it is, a man and a woman who unconditionally love their child is ideal, to me. And I am willing to change my opinion if studies on gender role and indentification truly prove null. But I haven't yet.
I hope we can respect each other's opinion and can come to an understanding sooner or later.
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thisismegdi
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Anonymous Post Author
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Your view on gay marriage is very interesting.
Do you believe gay couples should be banned from raising children?
If so, then you must also be against single adults raising children as well, because that raises the same problem.
--
Short4Words
10 years ago
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This is a great question, you've given me something to think about.
You feel it's part of our nature. Ok, sure. But how other people raise their kids, and particularly how other people are allowed to live and raise their kids, shouldn't be based on your personal feelings.
You haven't presented evidence that children need the environment you're describing, you've just stated that it seems that way to you. That's good enough for you to form an opinion about how you'd like to live your life. You can live your life however you like. But when it comes to what other people are allowed to do, we really need more than your personal reckoning and experience. My experience, incidentally, is different. My mom was more stern than my dad when I was growing up. The same is true in many families. It just varies from family to family and from parent to parent.
Even if it were more difficult to raise a child in a same sex marriage, so what? There are a lot of things that can present challenges in raising children, but that doesn't mean that people who they apply to shouldn't be allowed to get married or have kids. I'm physically disabled, and that will affect how I'm able to raise my kids, when I have them. Some things will be different and, at times, harder. Should I not be allowed to have kids, or even marry? It can be challenging for older people to raise children, as well as people who already have many children. Should they not be allowed to marry or have children?
In the end, it's really none of your business. It's not your marriage, it's not your children, and it's not your job to judge based on what conditions you consider ideal. Let people decide what's best for them.
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Short4Words
10 years ago
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You're right, I don't think I was being fair. I used the word against, which I am not, I am just not for, maybe therefore that means I am against, but right now I am just not ready to support something that I don't know about. I talk about gender identity a lot and I'm glad you've pointed me out because now I really want to do the research and see if one truly affects the other.
I just want to make myself clear though. I don't want to deny others happiness but my personal confusion might surely be doing that. I don't want to lead people down the wrong path and I'm sorry. I'll take some time to think about it.
Of course no one should mistreat a child but what my mom was saying was essentially that no matter how bad a straight couple is they're still better than even the BEST (capable, loving, caring, stable) gay couple. For someone like myself who was mistreated badly by my straight parents, it's hard to hear someone be so concerned about the impact of merely being gay as being worse than all of the horrible things they did to us. She is willing to fight hard against gays being married and raising children but never fought for her own children and made no effort to be a good parent herself.
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RoseIsabella
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Short4Words
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I think it's just extremely triggering for you to hear an anti gay marriage argument from your mom because she's such an awful parent and a raging hypocrite. Your mother is probably the last person who needs to be talking to anyone about family values, especially you and your brother. You might need to limit the time you spend with your mother especially if she's not sober yet.
This is true. She cannot condemn gay marriage and at the same time excuse her own actions, she may have similar beliefs as I, which don't make them 100% right, but I think her difficulty with admitting her failings as a parent have less to do with being straight and more to do with her being unable to come to terms with it.