Is it normal to be so anxious that you never make friends?

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I already know the answer.... it's not.

Anyone who says otherwise is just lying to me for no reason. It doesn't help.

Anyway, so the question at hand is that I am incredibly anxious about everything. I am not talking about being a little nervous, I am talking about being so anxious that you physically can't bring yourself to talk to people in a social manner. When people try to talk to me, I panic and try to talk back only to make a few muffled sounds.

There have been times where I have literally gone for days without saying a word. And I do mean "literally". After one of these periods, I tried to speak (not to anyone in particular, just to check if I still could) and it was an incredibly strange experience. My voice faltered and I had difficulty controlling my pitch, as if I had forgotten how to use my vocal chords.

So yeah, I am at the point where I have exactly 0 friends to talk to and I lose my voice from time to time from lack of use. I can't bring myself to talk to anyone anymore because I am so worried about how I will appear. I don't like social media for the same reason.

Also, when I did supposedly have a friend, I could never bring myself to text/contact them because I was always afraid that I would bother them and they would stop hanging out with me. (This fear was taught to me through past experiences even though I rarely texted people back then too)

Now, I think I am just sick of friends... of everything in life really. All my past friends taught me that friends are only there when you benefit them. The minute you need them to help you or support you, they are gone. No matter how many times you helped them. And after this exact scenario occurs a few times, it makes you wonder if there really are any good people in the world. I always tried to help my friends as much as possible and also tried to not burden them with any of my issues and look where that got me.... alone, anxious, and quite possibly depressed.

When I had friends, people described me as nice, but I guess that wasn't enough to keep friends. I get it though... I wouldn't want to hang out with me either. Anyway, to wrap up, anxiety and depression really sucks and I won't let anyone know I am anxious or depressed. I won't even check this post later to see if people commented... I was just writing about all of my shit just to see if it would help me... and it kinda helped I guess. I don't have anyone in real life that I can tell this to and people saying "I'll be your friend" on the internet are just saying that because they know deep down that they probably won't have to follow through on that statement. And don't worry, I won't pursue your proposed "friendship" so comment away.

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Comments ( 5 )
  • Alexainthere
    6 years ago

    You sound like the deepest part of me whom I refuse to let others know I have

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  • Emona
    6 years ago

    Depression and anxiety work hand in hand, I understand fully what you mean but you have to try and talk to someone or better yet write a letter try to get everything out all the emotions on to the paper give it to someone close to you someone who you know care because as much as we think no one cares there's always someone there wanting to help but afraid they'll say the wrong think.
    Isolating yourself is a bad idea with depression you don't want to be alone with your thoughts your anxiety will only become worse and it can cripple you talking won't be the only thing you won't be able to do.
    I had to get professional help honestly it got to the point where I didn't leave my bed for a week I stopped eating I just always wanted to be alone.
    I really hope you check the comments because I don't know you but I'm begging you to get some help OK it won't make everything better right away but if you are willing to let someone in, if you're willing to be better you will get there just remember it'll take time but you have to at least try

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  • Countess_Kittycat
    6 years ago

    I don't know, but I feel the same.

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  • strangethingshappen
    6 years ago

    I know how hard anxiety is, I truly do. I have hit rock bottom with it and have been the worst of the worst but it can get better. I live with anxiety and some days are hard but I have good friends and family who I can talk to/cry to when I have had a bad day.
    You need to allow yourself to open up to at LEAST 1 person.
    You can get through this and it is certainly possible to change the way you think and minimize anxiety and it's control it has over you.
    Also I have had a lot of shitty friends in my life too and I have always been there for them and am a caring person towards my friends. Don't take it personal, people just don't really care these days to try be a good person or friend as majority of the time they're too consumed either getting by each day or struggling with their own problems (especially mental health).
    I have love and lost but continue to hope that their are good people somewhere out there who actually want me in their life. Don't give up hope since I am one of them/try to be.
    Things that help with anxiety or when feeling anxious-

    Writing
    Cuddling a pet or touching something soft
    Watching a comedy movie
    Playing a computer game
    Listening to music

    Basically anything u enjoy that can distract u from the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings :)

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  • fakeaccount2
    6 years ago

    "I won't even check this post later to see if people commented..."

    ..oh ok

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