Is it normal to be scared to have sex?

I'm female and I'm 18. I'm still currently a virgin and I know it's not wrong to be one but I've often been pressured into the idea of sex. I want to have sex just to know what it feels like (and to get rid of my V card) but whenever I come close I end up just getting scared off. I just end up feeling gross. I'm also scared it'll hurt and or I'll get emotionally attached on accident and end up just hurting myself (I personally hate the idea of just a hookup). This may not be important but even trying to give a blowjob makes me sick to my stomach. It reminds me of just sucking on an uncooked hotdog but worse. At this point I'm even scared to be in a relationship because I can't go a month without feeling pressured to do something more. I don't want to waste anyones time so I don't bother anymore. So I guess I'm not only scared of sex but being in a relationship, but I also still want those things? I want them, I'm just scared of what will happen once I have them if that makes sense. I want to know if the way I feel is normal, and if you can I would love some advice. I'm sorry if this is just confusing.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 26 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • No need to rush

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  • 18 is too young anyways, wait til ya 21

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  • Sit back, relax and and wait for it to happen. Don't submit to pressure. Don't push yourself into behavior you are leery of and relationships you are not ready for. Your curiosity is normal. Your apprehensions are valid. You do well to listen to them. Time and nature are on your side.

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  • You should definitely have sex but I'm more focused on the fact that you seem to have sucked on enough uncooked hot dogs to decide it's not fun. Don't hotdogs technically come fully cooked?

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    • Ya haha I guess I meant more like a hot dog straight out of the package, and no I haven't sucked on any hot dogs, that's just the first thing unappealing that comes to mind.

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  • It's normal. Just be sure to hook up with a guy that is understanding.

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  • I don't believe in virginity. But it's okay to be scared of sex. I, myself, am scared of sex.

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  • Your virginity isn't a thing or a prize for someone else, all it means is that you haven't had sex yet and that's the case for all of us before it happens for the first time.

    Wait until you're with someone you trust and who will be respectful of and sensitive to your apprehensions and remember it's not just women who are nervous about sex with someone new the first time, or for the first time ever. A bloke who's also a virgin would be good because you could explore it all together, or alternatively a sensitive experienced male.

    Don't use porn as an example of ordinary sex: don't forget those people are acting and ignore any pressure you feel from any source to have sex before you really want to.

    Your first experience may not be 100% fantastic, just like trying anything new for the first time and don't bother about whether or not you want to give blowjobs because not all women want to do that and a respectful bloke won't pressure you into anything you don't want to do.

    I suggest that when you find someone you trust, you do tell them that you haven't had sex before. You'll be able to tell a lot about the person's attitude from his response to this.

    Good luck!

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  • All of these problems can be solved by just waiting until you're in a committed relationship with someone you love. If it's the right person they will wait and won't pressure you

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    • You're right. I didn't really go into as in-depth as I could about how I feel about relationships but if I could summarize it I would have to say I dislike the commitment/responsibilities that come with a relationship. I really do want to be in a relationship, but every time I get involved in one I eventually become unhappy and want to be single again. So I don't even know if I could ever be in a committed relationship, I've never been in love with anyone before. In your opinion, do you think it's because I don't choose the right guy?

      I might just make another poll about just this topic.

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      • It sounds obvious but every relationship is the wrong one until it's the right one, if you get what I mean.

        I used to feel this way a lot and it disappointed me because I always thought each new guy could be the one, and then eventually something would go wrong or I'd just lose interest. Then one day I met my husband and suddenly it all made sense. The happy loving feeling from the start never went away and I am genuinely happy to think that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

        I had to kiss A LOT of frogs before I found him though. Don't lose hope OP, and don't push yourself to do stuff that you don't want to. If a relationship doesn't feel right and you just wanna be single for a while then go and do it. Don't pressure yourself. I think being single a lot while you're young is great for your mental health, and as a nice bonus you get more time to focus on yourself and establish your career.

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  • u don't know that, you heard from others and media that you "need" to rush, do it when u are ready, and first really know the guy, like manny moths if it works. comdoms are good, pills have to much side effects. guys are biologicaly driven to make "first step" and "pressure" in to intercorse, so you need to speficifaly tell him how you feel, no, what do you think, guys think girls feel, it's someting like that, and so can communication not connect.

    some girls think having anal is not loosing verginety lol, you can have lot's of sexual experiences and still be a virgin,dunno food, tit, ass, hand blow job and more lol

    maybe u don't know what would u wona do when sex would occur, don't know how to proccede, u should not mimic pornography.u maybe have low libibo, like if you manstrubate less than once a week, that maybe too. dunno..gl

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  • There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I think you ought to save yourself for someone you love who loves you! Your "v-card" as you call it is not just something to throw away. Whatever you do don't ever have sex without a condom, because you don't want to contract a disease, or end up in a crisis pregnancy! It's your body, and you have a right to honor yourself, and your body by waiting. Losing your virginity to some random douchebag is not a respectful way to treat yourself, and you certainly deserve better than that!

    I lost my virginity to my first love who was also a virgin like me, and I have no regrets about that!

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  • Or you should have lesbian sex first then try real cOcks

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  • If you are afraid that you will get emotionally attached to someone because of sex just buy a dildo lose your virginity by your self and then find a nice guy to have real sex

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    • Would you believe me if I said I tried that? Threw it out out of frustration.

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      • Not really related, but that reminds me of B Gata H Kei, where the super-perv MC tries to break her hymen with either a zucchini or a cucumber.

        Anyway, your concerns are normal, but there's no need to feel rushed. You have more to lose than to gain by having sex anyway.

        The weight of the "V-card" is imaginary, and so is the concept that you're not a proper adult until you've had sex.

        Maybe to kids, a peer who's had sex seems a step above, because they've experienced something associated with adulthood. In reality, it's just pseudo-adult behavior.

        Being a real adult is about responsibility, not something as base as mashing genitals, which most irresponsible people can manage to do.

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  • yeah blowjobs disgust me lol

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  • You will learn to like giving blowjobs. What you need is a really hot guy to treat you like a whore (only in the bedroom of course 😋).

    Dont rush it. Pick a guy thats going somewhere. Dont get with the weed dealer. Get with some guy that has a good job and career. Maybe a guy from a rich family.

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