Is it normal to be scared of trusting any guy after being molested?

I'm 18 now but when I was 10 my mother's boyfriend sexually molested me and told me that if I said anything to anyone he would hurt my mother or one of my three little siblings, so scared of their safety I stayed quiet and then at the age of 12 I had had enough and worked up the courage to tell my mother while he was asleep on the sofa, she then took me to the police, I told them the same thing I told my mother, they then told us to stay away from the house while they went to arrest him. After that I have had tried counseling but to my dismay my mother wasn't thinking and got me a male counselor, since then I have found it difficult to talk to/trust any male unless I knew them really well before the experience (like family and family friends that are males), what I would like to know is it all in my head and should I try to do counseling again but with a female counselor to help me work through the emotions that have bottled up since then and to help me be released from an endless cycle of avoiding any males in my classes and this in fact makes me upset since its my grad year of high school.

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92% Normal
Based on 12 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • TerryVie

    not a big fan of counselors, but a therapy group may also work. that is, talking with people who went through something similar.

    Either way, your fear is very understandable, but you should try and work on it, in whatever way you feel more comfortable with.

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  • lufa

    yes definitely get a female therapist, you'll feel safer and more at ease to share your feelings. Plus being a woman she could relate more to you.

    It's a bit like racism. One time I got into conflict with some greek guy. After that I hated greek people. Then I had a manager at a job who was greek, she was awesome and then I realized I was wrong to generalize.

    It's the same with men-for every rotten scumbag that hurts women, there's another like me who loves women and could never hurt them.

    I'm sorry for what happened to you-but as the saying goes, that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. You will become better.

    Just try to date good men and your faith in them will be restored. I'm proud of you for having the courage to tell on that pedophile. Who knows who else he could be abusing.

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  • shade_ilmaendu

    I would definitely reccomend finding a female counselor. I've been in and out of conseling for a few years dealing with similar circumstances myself, and it helps a lot.

    I've had the same problem as you but not to the same extent, when a new guy used to touch me for the first time I would freeze. Sometimes just lay there for several minutes, because the touch just made me feel so panicky... it does get better, it really does. I still get that way sometimes but not very often now.

    My biggest issues still lay in the being scared to go out at night or go to the city and things like that.

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  • Short4Words

    If you're not in counselling now, try doing it with a female counselor. I'm sure she's met girls with similar experiences to you.

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  • Kilara@1994

    Thanks to all of you that wrote positive responses and I have begun looking for a female counselor to work it out and I am slowly working on my fear of talking a guys as I have been for a while but has taken a big leap forward thi year and I'm happy about that. Again thanks to you all with positive responses.

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    • TerryVie

      best of luck to you.

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