My wife is in the same boat. Understanding and working through it helps. Therapy helps.
Changing the setting to avoid "triggers" also helps. Avoid having a similar setting to the place you were raped.
For my wife and I, the shower is our favorite place, because it's "our" place, someplace she feels clean and sexy and is completely different.
Also out in public is good for her: the "alone together" thing is a big scary turnoff for her.
In bed... not good. Not good at all. Sometimes, she won't sleep a wink if we have sex there, if she doesn't get a flashback. But she does it sometimes because she wants to come to terms with it, and face it.
In that case, it works lots better with her on top. Then she has control and dominance and a very different pose than the passive victimisation she had before.
Discuss with your guy. Work out what works. Try things, and be prepared to say "no, this... this isn't working."
Sometimes you won't be able to say it, but if he's alert and sensitive, he'll notice the change, and will stop whatever's going on. Let him know in advance what you reckon will help best, then. Some like to be held and comforted; some like to be helped to their feet (having your feet on the ground can really help with flashbacks); my wife wants space and time to curl into a ball, so I just leave the room, reminding her I love her.
Sex is good, and fun, but it HAS to be on your terms.
Is it normal to be scared of sex cuz u were raped?
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My wife is in the same boat. Understanding and working through it helps. Therapy helps.
Changing the setting to avoid "triggers" also helps. Avoid having a similar setting to the place you were raped.
For my wife and I, the shower is our favorite place, because it's "our" place, someplace she feels clean and sexy and is completely different.
Also out in public is good for her: the "alone together" thing is a big scary turnoff for her.
In bed... not good. Not good at all. Sometimes, she won't sleep a wink if we have sex there, if she doesn't get a flashback. But she does it sometimes because she wants to come to terms with it, and face it.
In that case, it works lots better with her on top. Then she has control and dominance and a very different pose than the passive victimisation she had before.
Discuss with your guy. Work out what works. Try things, and be prepared to say "no, this... this isn't working."
Sometimes you won't be able to say it, but if he's alert and sensitive, he'll notice the change, and will stop whatever's going on. Let him know in advance what you reckon will help best, then. Some like to be held and comforted; some like to be helped to their feet (having your feet on the ground can really help with flashbacks); my wife wants space and time to curl into a ball, so I just leave the room, reminding her I love her.
Sex is good, and fun, but it HAS to be on your terms.