Is it normal to be scared my father will kill the family/himself?

My parents constantly have problems and have contemplated divorce. However, my father doesn't want to divorce, due to the fact that the only thing he has is his close family, (Just my mother, and her children, he is no longer close to his own mother and siblings.) My mother is hesitant about divorce because my siblings are too young to properly comprehend the idea and reason behind their divorce, and because both her and I are in complete belief that he will kill himself if he loses full custody of all my siblings. I haven't mustered the courage to discuss this with my mother, but I also believe that if he doesn't kill himself first, he will kill at least one of the members of our family before taking his own life. It's a daily and constant worry in my life, and it's affecting everything, from my social to educational performance. I often stay up at night due to this crippling fear, and worst of all, I know that it's not irrational.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 13 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Please get some help for you, and your mom and siblings.there are a lot of resources for domestic violence victims.

    Does your father own a gun? Is he a drunk? What makes you think he would kill?

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    • He doesn't own a gun, (it's currently rather difficult to obtain a gun in my country), and drinking isn't his problem. It's just that he's never gained emotional maturity and acts like a child and doesn't know the consequences of his actions. He lashes out a lot and will often hurt my family both mentally and physically because he can't control his emotions. None of his current issues are very important, so if he's already injuring my family over such small issues, I am sure it'll escalate if our situation gets worse. Neither my mother nor I want to seek legal action against him at the moment, because she will put up with anything as long as my siblings are able to grow up with a father. He doesn't hurt us very often, only about once a month or two, but it scares me greatly.

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      • Have you ever tried talking to your mom about how you feel? No one should ever hurt you and I'm sorry you are going through this. Do you have the option of seeing a counselor? With the warning that they may be required to report him for child abuse?

        Just out of curiosity, what country are you in? I'm in the U.S.

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        • I do occasionally talk about this with my mother. I have just started seeing a counsellor/therapist. They are understanding of my situation and will only report if I am in immediate danger or if I request them to. I live in Canada.

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  • Well one of those things is sad, the other is evil.

    Pretty big gap. Surely you know your father well enough to know which...

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  • Your situation is all to common.

    You are doing very well in that you have sought out counseling. They are in a better place to assist with the situation than any of us here on this forum.

    You are correct to be concerned about your father, and your family.

    There are things in our lives around us that we cannot control.... You need to learn to accept that.

    I wish you the best... You sound like a caring and intelligent person who has a bright future, regardless of what happens with your family situation. Many many people have come out of such situations and succeeded in life. You can too...

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  • Maybe you should sit down and talk to your father and tell him that you worry he will do this

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    • He's aware that I worry for everyone's safety because of his actions, but he denies having ever done these things, and if I give him solid evidence, he accuses the victim of having initiated the abuse. He doesn't listen to any of his family.

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      • I understand that it is important to have a father, however, he is not a very good example for you and his actions could affect you for life. Are you sure that the father figure is so important that you want to live in constant concern?

        In the end, it's your decision. I, for one, find it intense and hope that you and your close family will eventually have peace from domestic terror.

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        • I no longer care if he is in my life, as he's already affected me for life. However, I really hope that my siblings will grow up fine- despite their father being...not the best person. I hope they will look up to me and our mother more, so that they will turn out to be decent people. Neither of them see an issue in our current situation. I am only hesitant in the situation out of uncertainty for my brothers and kindness for my father. Despite him being a shit man occasionally, he is still my father, and I can't help but care for him.

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