Is it normal to be obsessed with chickens

Hi,

Please dont judge...

I have recently found myself attracted towards birds, especialy chickens. My grandma has been a fan of these animals forever and has recently bought 3 chickens.

I am ashamed to say what i have done to the chickens over the last year now. I know its not convention but i have developed particularly strong feelings towards Lance(one of the chickens).

i stroke lance for hours and find myself gettin turned on by the feel of his feathers & beak...i have plesured myself on a number of occasions while in lances company...and have used all the birds in my mastabation process ...

the thought of my granma findin out and separating me from my birds especialy lance..makes me not want to live...iam sucidal what is wrong with me??????