Is it normal to be jealous of my best friend's boyfriend?

Let me get the two obvious things out of the way: 1) I do not have feelings for my best friend's boyfriend (he is NOT my type) and 2) I do not have feeling for my best friend (I mean, I love her, but it's all very platonic; besides, I'm straight and so is she).

What I mean is, I get jealous of the time they spend together because she used to spend a lot of time with me. He's in town visiting now for the entire summer (the rest of the time they're doing temporary long distance) so they are with each other every single second. I know I'm probably being petty, but the thing is, if it wasn't for me, there's a big chance they wouldn't even be together. She was terrified of ever talking to him and I gave her advice on what to say, she took my advice, and it worked.

I've had this happen all the time with other friends, but the difference this time is that I live in not only a new town but a new COUNTRY and she is basically my only friend (I've tried making others but every time it just crashes and burns).

I don't want to be jealous of this guy. He's really really nice. In fact, I've kinda come to see him as a friend in a way because we've hung out a few times (since she won't hang out without him obviously). But it's like, right now they are with each other every minute of every day. I can't even get one minute with her.

Is it normal for me to feel this way or is this some sort of shit I need to work through in therapy?

EDIT: Yes, I know that obviously he's only here for the summer, but she tends to spend a lot of time on the phone with him and everything even when he's away. It just makes me feel like I'm being a shitty friend when I don't even know what I'm doing wrong.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 7 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • People who get boyfriends and girlfriends do tend to be selfish and think the world revolves around only them.

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    • She hasn't been in a relationship in soooo long. I remember her telling me once that her last relationship was (I think) her first year of college and it technically wasn't even an actually relationship (he was also quite shitty to her from what she told me). We're PhD students now, so that has to be about 7-8 years ago. So I think she's just caught up in it, especially if this guy is treating her right, which it seems like he is. I always try to go by the mantra, "if they/you're happy, then I'm happy" but sometimes it's just really, really hard.

      P.S. I really like your username :)

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  • You're not being a shitty friend for wanting to spend quality time with your best friend. If anything, they're being shitty (but that sounds a little harsh. Maybe selfish?) friends to you by excluding you

    I had almost the exact same thing happen to me except in my case, my best friend found he had more in common with a new kid who moved into the neighborhood, so I lost my best friend to his new best friend

    People grow and change and a lot of the time it can be hurtful, even if that wasn't the person's intention. I don't know if I can provide much comfort for the main point of your post, but your best friend isn't the only best friend you're going to have in your life, and it sounds like you've got something of a fresh start, being a in a new country and all

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  • Its normal. One of my bestfriends growing up was really into crazy girls and if he was ever away from her she'd be calling your house phone demanding to speak to him, asking to talk to him constantly. It was annoying.

    But one thing you could do is ask her to ask him if he has any hot guy friends. If you start dating his guy friend that can solve the problem because when yall hang out he could hangout with his buddy while you hang out with her. Thats the best way to find dates in my opinion through networking.

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    • I actually tried asking this once (I'd just gotten out of a short, but very problematic relationship). And the response was something along the lines of "Hmm...yeah, I'd just want to make sure I find someone right for you, you know?"

      This was me asking her though, because he doesn't live here. Maybe I'll ask him next time if I ever actually see them again lol :(

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  • You need to learn to share... When someone starts a relationship with others - they have to reduce the time spent with their prior friends. That is totally normal.

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