I must be doing something wrong..my comments aren't showing up. I was more hoping for an idea on a way to get him to raise it again as his own idea. I'm not sure how he would respond to the idea of me talking dirty to him. He does it to me plenty, but I usually just respond to his questions; I don't ever initiate. He usually prefers to initiate things on his own terms, it's just always been that way. For example, the other day he came home from work looking great and I tried to give him a warm kiss. Nothing graphic, just a little deeper than the usual kiss I give him. He got mad, scolded me saying that it isn't appropriate for me to try to kiss him like that with our son playing in the next room. I didn't think it was a big deal, it was like a PG kiss - not like I licked his neck or anything. Then he goes upstairs, comes back and pulls me into the laundry room - also the next room over - for sex in there. Sure the door was closed, but still - it's usually about things being his idea on his terms. He isn't a jerk or anything,he's a great guy he just usually likes to have things on his own terms so I wouldn't really feel comfortable talking dirty to him. I think it'd be too weird and he might wonder where/what/whom I picked it up from.
So OK, this guy is a piece of work. Just wondering. While you are both in the sack, what would he do if you said, "I feel so embarrassed. I have very unladylike thoughts going around in my mind."
I'm not sure how he would respond, but he probably would think it's odd or out of character in a bad way. He's actually rather kinky, in my opinion, but he just doesn't like certain things and he prefers to be in control. He doesn't like me being on top, unless he's basically holding my hips and moving me himself. He literally won't let me do my own thing on top of him, so I don't think he'll oblige or really care for me just outright asking him for it. He isn't a "piece of work"; I'm just being very honest about his personality, and his personality doesn't bother me. He's acknowledged it before and said that I get to control everything else about our relationship so he wants to control the sex; that is fine with me I usually just find more subtle ways to get what I want. He always give me the most amazing pleasure so I am not complaining about him preferring to be more in charge of things in the bedroom. But perhaps this is something that I can't get subtly, so perhaps I should just come out and ask and deal with whatever his reaction is.
If that's the way it is, make it about control for him. Maybe get on all fours and let him get started, then ask if he would still like to try it in the back like he's talked about before. Then it's not really you asking, just bringing up the time HE mentioned it.
Also I have to say I can't imagine being in a relationship where I have to worry about the way I go about interacting with my spouse intimately like you've described. If I can't be sexually explorative with them for fear of being looked at differently then what fun is that? sounds very one-sided and not very intimate, but if you're both happy then I guess that's all that matters.
@green_boogers and @gspyder
Obviously my marriage isn't perfect. I'm aware of that, but yes I am happy. Would I like things to be more mutual and open? Yes, but that isn't our reality right now. I get that this forum doesn't lend itself to complete understanding of another person's position, and I also understand how our relationship may sound odd. It isn't entirely normal I guess, but it is loving, nurturing and more than I envisioned marriage would be. What relationship is perfect? A bit b of background: I don't have much relationship experience outside of being with my husband. We married when I was 20 and he was 24. I know that's too young for most people, but he worked overseas for most of the year and it put a lot of strain on our relationship at the time. We were apart for most of the year for the first 2 years until I finished college, then I moved to be with him but we were still apart quite a lot due to the nature of his job and the fact that I didn't want to follow him around - I wanted my own friends, career, etc. I probably took the wrong approach in letting him control everything sexually whenever he was home, but at the time I really valued the time we had together and didn't want to spoil it with arguments over little things. Fast forward 10 years we returned to the states and his schedule had changed a bit, but not tremendously. His job is changed, but he still travels a lot and I still don't always want to go with him. We have been back almost 3 years - 2 years in one city, now almost a year in a new city, so it's not that I don't want to spend time with him, but I do want to have a life of my own. Plus we have a child now and I'd like to meet other moms in our area, make friends, arrange playdates, etc. So I have continued with running the household and allowing him to run things sexually because it is still easier. I know that he gets upset that I don't like to travel with him so I do my best to show him that I love him and want him to be happy in other ways, sexual things are very important to him, more than they are to me. So yes, we make compromises. My point is that my husband is not a jerk and I am not a fool. I'm just trying to find balance in things and also own up to my own mistakes while making gradual changes that appear beneficial for us both. Obviously, I'm looking for advice and trying to change some things and obviously I am a bit embarrassed about the way things are. I don't have very many close friends, but yes I would talk to them instead of strangers on the Internet if I felt completely comfortable with this part of my life.
IIN to be embarrassed to ask your husband to try anal sex
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I must be doing something wrong..my comments aren't showing up. I was more hoping for an idea on a way to get him to raise it again as his own idea. I'm not sure how he would respond to the idea of me talking dirty to him. He does it to me plenty, but I usually just respond to his questions; I don't ever initiate. He usually prefers to initiate things on his own terms, it's just always been that way. For example, the other day he came home from work looking great and I tried to give him a warm kiss. Nothing graphic, just a little deeper than the usual kiss I give him. He got mad, scolded me saying that it isn't appropriate for me to try to kiss him like that with our son playing in the next room. I didn't think it was a big deal, it was like a PG kiss - not like I licked his neck or anything. Then he goes upstairs, comes back and pulls me into the laundry room - also the next room over - for sex in there. Sure the door was closed, but still - it's usually about things being his idea on his terms. He isn't a jerk or anything,he's a great guy he just usually likes to have things on his own terms so I wouldn't really feel comfortable talking dirty to him. I think it'd be too weird and he might wonder where/what/whom I picked it up from.
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green_boogers
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So OK, this guy is a piece of work. Just wondering. While you are both in the sack, what would he do if you said, "I feel so embarrassed. I have very unladylike thoughts going around in my mind."
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I'm not sure how he would respond, but he probably would think it's odd or out of character in a bad way. He's actually rather kinky, in my opinion, but he just doesn't like certain things and he prefers to be in control. He doesn't like me being on top, unless he's basically holding my hips and moving me himself. He literally won't let me do my own thing on top of him, so I don't think he'll oblige or really care for me just outright asking him for it. He isn't a "piece of work"; I'm just being very honest about his personality, and his personality doesn't bother me. He's acknowledged it before and said that I get to control everything else about our relationship so he wants to control the sex; that is fine with me I usually just find more subtle ways to get what I want. He always give me the most amazing pleasure so I am not complaining about him preferring to be more in charge of things in the bedroom. But perhaps this is something that I can't get subtly, so perhaps I should just come out and ask and deal with whatever his reaction is.
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8 years ago
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green_boogers
8 years ago
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If that's the way it is, make it about control for him. Maybe get on all fours and let him get started, then ask if he would still like to try it in the back like he's talked about before. Then it's not really you asking, just bringing up the time HE mentioned it.
Also I have to say I can't imagine being in a relationship where I have to worry about the way I go about interacting with my spouse intimately like you've described. If I can't be sexually explorative with them for fear of being looked at differently then what fun is that? sounds very one-sided and not very intimate, but if you're both happy then I guess that's all that matters.
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@green_boogers and @gspyder
Obviously my marriage isn't perfect. I'm aware of that, but yes I am happy. Would I like things to be more mutual and open? Yes, but that isn't our reality right now. I get that this forum doesn't lend itself to complete understanding of another person's position, and I also understand how our relationship may sound odd. It isn't entirely normal I guess, but it is loving, nurturing and more than I envisioned marriage would be. What relationship is perfect? A bit b of background: I don't have much relationship experience outside of being with my husband. We married when I was 20 and he was 24. I know that's too young for most people, but he worked overseas for most of the year and it put a lot of strain on our relationship at the time. We were apart for most of the year for the first 2 years until I finished college, then I moved to be with him but we were still apart quite a lot due to the nature of his job and the fact that I didn't want to follow him around - I wanted my own friends, career, etc. I probably took the wrong approach in letting him control everything sexually whenever he was home, but at the time I really valued the time we had together and didn't want to spoil it with arguments over little things. Fast forward 10 years we returned to the states and his schedule had changed a bit, but not tremendously. His job is changed, but he still travels a lot and I still don't always want to go with him. We have been back almost 3 years - 2 years in one city, now almost a year in a new city, so it's not that I don't want to spend time with him, but I do want to have a life of my own. Plus we have a child now and I'd like to meet other moms in our area, make friends, arrange playdates, etc. So I have continued with running the household and allowing him to run things sexually because it is still easier. I know that he gets upset that I don't like to travel with him so I do my best to show him that I love him and want him to be happy in other ways, sexual things are very important to him, more than they are to me. So yes, we make compromises. My point is that my husband is not a jerk and I am not a fool. I'm just trying to find balance in things and also own up to my own mistakes while making gradual changes that appear beneficial for us both. Obviously, I'm looking for advice and trying to change some things and obviously I am a bit embarrassed about the way things are. I don't have very many close friends, but yes I would talk to them instead of strangers on the Internet if I felt completely comfortable with this part of my life.
That's all fine. But if you can't moan, whimper, and beg "don't stop don't stop", what's the point?