I think I love her, I act like I do, then I realise it isn't love, then I become mean because it wasn't what I thought it was. I think my "idea" of love is more possession/lust than anything, but I'm unaware of the difference during those times, like I forget and get mad when it isn't working. When a relationship breaks down I keep thinking about how much it sucks and how sad I am at losing it, but the second I find someone else that strikes a chord I feel fine. And to forget a feeling so strong so quickly cannot be love, only my brain fighting for possession. I am often really nasty to people, and feel totally normal while being so, then I remember that what I'm doing is wrong afterwards. I seem to forget myself daily, I seem to forget what love is and replace it with something I can claim as love. I've been told I smile while I'm arguing with people, but I don't feel happy at the time. I seriously think that my conscience self and feelings are detached. I've never been able to feel with any consistency that didn't peter out in minutes. It's like a show for people. Look at me "I'm a human too" type of thing. I'm thinking it's all connected.
is it normal to be dumb when it comes to love?
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Well I'm an odd case so not very helpful.
I think I love her, I act like I do, then I realise it isn't love, then I become mean because it wasn't what I thought it was. I think my "idea" of love is more possession/lust than anything, but I'm unaware of the difference during those times, like I forget and get mad when it isn't working. When a relationship breaks down I keep thinking about how much it sucks and how sad I am at losing it, but the second I find someone else that strikes a chord I feel fine. And to forget a feeling so strong so quickly cannot be love, only my brain fighting for possession. I am often really nasty to people, and feel totally normal while being so, then I remember that what I'm doing is wrong afterwards. I seem to forget myself daily, I seem to forget what love is and replace it with something I can claim as love. I've been told I smile while I'm arguing with people, but I don't feel happy at the time. I seriously think that my conscience self and feelings are detached. I've never been able to feel with any consistency that didn't peter out in minutes. It's like a show for people. Look at me "I'm a human too" type of thing. I'm thinking it's all connected.