Is it normal to be attracted to addicts

So about 2 years ago I noticed a trend in the types of guy I was attracted to. Usually they were about 5 to 10 years older than me or more not sure if that part matters. But the real “Trend” was that they all seemed to be substance abusers and growing up my mom wasn’t really for that whole lifestyle but my dad I’m pretty sure is an alcoholic and he was even addicted to oxy when I was really young and I actually didn’t find this out until recently. So I don’t think it’s some sort of childhood thing. Anyways I was just wondering if anyone thought there was a reason for this. Also I should mention that 3 of the guys have been to rehab and 2 are sober. Idk maybe I have some weird complex or some shit. And also I only smoke weed but some of them have done worse like pills and cocaine. Anyways please vote or shoot a message. Also I’m 20 y/o. Oh ya and I want to mention I don’t think it’s the fact that they are addicts that I’m attracted to they all just seem to be and that’s who I am attracted to. Is this normal?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 28 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Firstly well done on having the self-awareness to identify this pattern.

    I think it is significant that your father was an alcoholic, men being addicted to substances has been normalised in your life. We like things that are familiar, even if they are not healthy. When a young woman serially dates older men she is often subconsciously trying to recreate her relationship with her father.

    Not to mention that dating men 5-10+ years older than you in your teens was an unfair and unhealthy dynamic for you.

    You are not attracted to them because they are addicts but I suspect you are attracted to the familiarity of how they behave and the relationship dynamic they require. Did you take on a caregiver role to these addicts? Did looking after them give you a sense of pride or purpose? When a woman dates an incompetent man she takes on a “mother” role which makes her feel in control of the relationship when really she is at the mercy of his tantrums and bad decisions. Have a think about whether any of this sounds like you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Hi thanks for the feedback. I actually want to go into psychology so I think I’m pretty aware of my actions and feelings. My issue is that it happens but I guess I already knew it wasn’t “normal” but my real question was probably that is it okay? And I would really like to know why and what I can do about it. Perhaps I should consider talking to a professional about it and see what they recommend.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • That depends how you’re defining “okay”. I’d recommend having a think about what you want out of your future relationships, what you want the dynamics to be and where your personal boundaries are.

        Overall I think talking to a professional is a good idea here. Good luck with this and your psychology studies.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
    • Why do you think her dating men 5-10 years older than her, at 18, is unhealthy? It's been the natural thing since historical records began in nearly every culture.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • The life experience gap. I’ll give you that 18 and 23 is sometimes ok but a 28 year-old has an enormous advantage over an 18 year-old. I am very skeptical of people who date dramatically younger than them. Futher it’s implied that OP was doing this before she turned 18, so these are men in their 20s dating a minor.

        Also just because something was common in the olden days doesn’t mean it’s applicable to the modern day, or even that it was fair to the women back then who were typically arrange-married to older men for money.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • Men tend to be less mature than women emotionally, and physically, at the same age. What country are you in, btw? Most countries have age of consent set at around 16.

          Also, most times they weren't married for money. You had dynastic marriages between powerful families, but in the heavy majority of cases throughout history the woman wasn't married off in some of hope of gaining money; it's actually, in practical terms of what happened, the opposite, it used to be (and still is in many countries) that the man who received a dowry on marriage.

          Even today, with modern values, the SMV value for men peaks far later in life than that for women. I think it's fair to say, given current statistics and preferences, as well as trends throughout most societies since literary records began, that a woman dating a man 5-10 years older is not bad or unusual for someone who is 18/19; although I would agree that at the upper end of that scale there may be problems with more emotionally mature guys, which would be exaggerated if the gap is proportionally bigger. But then I also think it's rational to assume that OP is probably not attracted to all older men, and would try to chose someone compatible in terms of maturity.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • OP isn’t looking for mature men here, that’s the issue, she’s addressing her problem of serially dating addicts.

            Age matters less as you age but at 18 10 years is too big of a difference. I’m honestly a bit concerned that you can’t see why 28 and 18 is inappropriate and think you would change your tune if it were a young woman in your own family such as a sister or daughter.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
              -
            • Yeah, the addict thing isn't good. I think 28 to 18 will be off in a lot of cases, but I don't think it's a concerning thing. An adult of that age should be capable of choosing an appropriate companion, and I don't think there's any glaring red flag concerning the compatiblity of an 18 year old with someone in their mid to late 20s.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
          • America

            Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I don't know if that answers your question, but from the other side, I would say that there is a tendency to do so.
    I myself have (and partly still do) abused substances and had three who were somehow attracted by it. Maybe it is the smell you unconsciously perceive and which radiates something familiar. I have read that you can recognize a lot of things by the smell of a person. Among them various physical and psychological disorders and also substance abuse. But we humans cannot necessarily identify this, it is more an unconscious interpretation. Maybe these guys indirectly reminded you of your father.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Hmm, Interesting. But weird. I’m not sure if that’s what is going on but I will look into it.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • A friend of mine is into damaged guys and girls. Drug abusers. Those with history of recieving sexual violence etc. He likes broken people. Sometimes you'll meet or be that person that just likes fucked up shit. It's all good. They need love to

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Drug addicts are poisonous beings.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • *searches for fake beard & cigar*

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • As long as it's not a drug addict. Female stoners are the worst, I prefer my Goody2shoes

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • I didn’t ask, HELEKI. I don’t need criticism.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Who cares, pervert and freak! If you don't want criticism then shut your cake-hole.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • Bro what? You literally just said female stoners are the worst that is 2 things. Sexist, because what’s the difference between a male stoner and a female stoner? And it’s just rude because you felt the need to insult someone for no reason. And I guarantee you don’t talk to people like that in the real world. But you think your a fuckin superhero online. Eat a bag of dicks you fucking bigot sexist hillbilly. Now I’m insulting you... it’s not as fun anymore is it?

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • A word of advice for you, prissy cunt: you shouldn't be expecting polite behavior from random strangers on the Internet. That is retarded on so many levels.

            Stay safe in the Corona, son, i.e in your mommy's basement. Looks like you have a weak immune system, soy boy.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Did he seem to like oxy? I don't get what all the fuss is about. It seemed to just mellow me out a bit.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • No. That was just my dad. I’m not sure why people get hooked on it I guess they like the way it makes them feel. I can’t speak for it tho.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment