Is it normal to be annoyed by a parent who is dying?

I have been taking care of my mother who is dying of pancreatic cancer. We are close but have a dicey relationship at the same time, like a lot of mothers and daughters. She is driving me completely up the wall. I feel really bad because I love her and she is dying and I don't want her to. My sister is unwilling to deal with the insults and nagging and has not been to visit in quite a while.

What do you think? Would you feel annoyed if your dying mother was following you around telling you that you need to lose weight, you have bad taste in movies, your husband is goofy, etc. ad nauseum? I drive 3 hours each way to visit and this is what I get. Then again, I don't have cancer.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 12 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • She's probably just frustrated and scared with what's happening to her. They say people take it out on the ones closest to them. If she's dying I'd say just let the insults go over your head. I know it must be hard to hear them but she needs you around and you won't get another chance to be there for her. My dad had this and died last November. I was up hospital 2 or 3 times a day and tho it was difficult as single parent with 3 kids I'm glad I made the effort. Good luck.

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  • SHE HAS CANCER.

    Just tune out the verbal abuse.

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  • TOTALLY NORMAL. That sounds truly obnoxious. Just remember that she'll be gone soon, and she's not coming back and when she's gone, you WILL ask yourself, "How did I treat her?"
    The better you treat her now, the easier the grieving process will be. (And obviously the more comfortable she'll be- she might be acting this way because of meds or other symptoms. She's probably in intense pain and not thinking straight.)

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  • You might be angry because she's dying, rather than because she's annoying you in the meantime.

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  • Its all pretty scary stuff. thats the only way she can get threw it she doesnt want to be left with her own thoughts, dont give up on your mom you'll never forgive yourself

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  • @ focoUS - Yeah she has cancer. So what? Just because you are dying does not mean you get a "be an a-hole for free" card. Thanks though, great advice.

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  • You shouldn't be angry at your Mum. Cancer patient are literally poisoned. Pancreatic cancer usually gives metastasis in the liver , which is not functioning properly. Toxins gradually take over the body. Cancer cells also produce toxins. They affect the mind, temper, mood and everything.So you shouldn't blame your parent.

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  • Be happy you still have her to nag at you. When she's gone you'll be dying to hear her voice again, even if it would be just yelling at you. You should feel blessed and spend as much time with her as you can.

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  • Some people show love in really weird ways. She's your mother, just enjoy her while you can because one day you're going to miss her annoyances.

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  • She's scared of what's happening to her and reacting out of fear trust me she needs your love and your sisters too. This is serious. Love her now, she won't be with you the same.

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  • sad she might be gone soon , sorry to hear your story hope you stay strong, for her and you, good luck

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  • :(

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