Is it normal to be afraid of women and sex?

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16 Comments

I'm a 24 year old man and I am afraid of women and sex. I'm heterosexual and attracted to girls but i cannot talk to them due to a fear of being humiliated, laughed at and rejected in public. Even if it's just myself and a woman alone at a bus stop say, I cannot speak to her because i will be ignored.

This happened a lot in school where every girl ignored me. I always go out and speak to girls to improve my fears around them but i am still scared to death around women in public because i will get attacked for doing so. This happened to me twice. This kid in school would always laugh at me for because I had a crush on a girl that he liked and stole from me.

I've asked out a few girls but they never show up. The last one kept me waiting for 2.5 hours and I have never spoken to her again. Yesterday i went out and spoke finely with a few girl from work. I had to leave becasue im meeting up with a friend today and I didn't wanna be hangover too much. Those girls got upset as they wanted me to stay but it was bad timing.

Anyway i don't know what to do about this. Whenever i am in public and see a gorgeous girl I am attracted to, i am flooded with fear and I cannot do anything. I cannot react or make a move even if the girl is smiling and inviting me to go over and talk to her.

I think beautiful women are superior to men and they only give their time and love to the chosen few lucky elite guys. What can i do about this because i feel like i don't deserve sex or love from any woman and i will die alone?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 16 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago | pl

    It is almost ALL in your mind. You've just got to stand up straight and approach a girl like you have every right to do so.
    Stop with the big deflated thing if you get turned down. WE ALL GET TURNED DOWN, and most of us, more often than not. That's just life.
    "Women generally do not look like they want to be spoken to and bothered." What a bunch of crap. Most women are EXACTLY like YOU. Shy, uncertain of themselves, and wishing they had a lover. Why do you think that women surround themselves with a gaggle of girls? Because they are afraid some guy might hit on them and then they'd have to confront THEIR fears.
    Dude, just relax. Don't go into a situation with any ulterior motives beyond making an acquaintance. See where things go from there. Be kind, funny and strong. Women love funny, as long as you aren't being the class clown.
    Think about it, coffee in a public place isn't a very threatening offer, to most normal gals. It just isn't.
    Stop putting yourself down; there are plenty of people you will meet over your lifetime that will gladly do that for you. Assume that you are interesting and attractive to some girls. What have you got to lose. Ask a hundred gals to join you for a cup of coffee/tea and maybe one will say yes. Ask none and none will say yes, that is for sure.
    If you are a wimp in your own mind, then how do you expect to come off when talking to a gal? It's all about perception in the first few seconds. Can't you present yourself as a confident, nice, funny guy for just a few seconds? Practice in front of a mirror. Practice until it IS you.

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago | pl

    That is just NOT normal. If it was, humans would have died out eons ago.
    What are you so afraid of? Girls are people just like you. They have feelings and they want companionship every bit as much as you do.
    If you were to walk up to a girl (who is not surrounded by a bunch of her friends) and started talking to her, what do you imagine would happen?
    She would run away, yelling "rape, rape, he's trying to rape me."? No, that's just plain stupid, right?
    She'd pull a 357 out of her hand bag and shoot you dead on the spot? Not really very likely, either.
    She'd call the cops on her cell phone and have you arrested? Nope, again, not really something you's expect a girl to do in this situation.
    Perhaps she'd brush you off with some lame excuse or another. Oh well, what have you lost, but a few seconds of your time?
    Or she could continue the conversation with you and you'd be on your way to your first date. That's much more likely than the first few reactions above, in reality.
    Embarrassment? So fucking what? One can't die of embarrassment, but one can feel like they are dying from loneliness and isolation, right?
    Get that first date, then come back and we'll get you moving on getting over your fear of sex.
    Now grow a pair and go talk to a few girls. Go on, right now. Do it!.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      I don't know what i'm afraid of. Being shouted at and screamed at for daring to go up to a woman and bothering her. My sister used to do this a lot to me, that I didn't speak to her for a year. I also deep down do not believe that a woman will ever like or be interested in me.

      They never did all throughout school and never have done. I always got humiliated in front of everybody by my friends whenever I liked a girl. I do make the effort to be friendly and approach women but the thought of being sexual and wanting love from them makes me feel extremely ashamed of myself for feeling that way. Undoing all that negative programming is hard.

      What would happen if I went up and started talking to a girl who isn't with her friends? She wont talk back and will make up an excuse and leave me feeling abandoned and rejected. It happens in work where i'll ask for help and i'll be ignored or spoken over. People around would laugh and pity me for thinking that i deserve love and for someone to acknowledge my existence.

      Women generally do not look like they want to be spoken to and bothered.

      I've spent a whole day in town alone taking photos after my lazy ass friend stood me up because he was hungover and sleeping despite agreeing to meet up! This girl near where I was taking my photos locked her car as i was walking past her and the alarm went off.

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    • omghahahawasbanned
      8 years ago | pl

      I think his problem is that he is bisexual and thus straight girls are avoiding him. So are straight guys.

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      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago | pl

        Do you really think others can see his sexuality in passing?
        Unless a guy is obviously swish or a gal apparently gay, my gaydar just doesn't function until I'm actually talking with someone.

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  • omghahahawasbanned
    8 years ago | pl

    Any boy's problem can be attributed to how his mother raised him. Here are your problems:
    1) You are ugly (or stupid)

    2) You have been put down by your mother (and your older sisters, if any) because you are ugly (or stupid, or both).

    3) You don't know shit about yourself. Given you are ugly (or stupid, or both), yet you are always chasing after "gorgeous girls". So, stop whining.

    Here are some solutions:

    1) Stop chasing after girls beyond your reach to spare yourself some disappointment.

    2) Or, find a hooker and settle for sex only.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      2 is what applies to me. I was put down by my younger sister and also my mother. The girls i chase after are the normal, below average looking ones, not the one who are WAY out of my league. Girls in public always look wary of me even when i smile and approach them.

      I arranged a date with a girl a few weeks ago and she was 2 and a half hours late and i've never spoken to her again. Today I was supposed to meet with a guy i used to work with. We agreed everything and then an hour after we were supposed to meet, he phones me saying he's hungover and needs to nap.

      I'm tempted by the hooker prospect but i don't know if it's legal where i live and whether i'll be arrested and become a sex offender.

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      • omghahahawasbanned
        8 years ago | pl

        From what you described, you are bisexual. I don't know how straight girls think about bisexual, but in general they are not into bisexual people. The same goes with straight guys.

        It looks like you may have to find some people who have similar sexual interests as you.

        http://bisexual.org/

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        • JM13087
          8 years ago | pl

          How is he bisexual???

          My advice to the guy is to stop looking down on himself, even though what I'm about to say might not make sense nor be able to work, it does work(for some weird unknown reason):

          You are only as hot as you perceive yourself to be, I f you look at yourself and smile while telling yourself that you are one handsome man and smell nice and take that attitude with you, you'll be surprised by the way your luck changes.

          confidence can be thought of some sort of magical clothing that mesmerizes girls into falling in love with you. It is something about the way we hold our selves and talk when we are confident of ourselves that the female of the species finds attractive.

          so tomorrow morning when you walk out that door, remember that your sister is probably very blind because you're one good looking guy and believe it.

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          • omghahahawasbanned
            8 years ago | pl

            I suppose you missed his writing:

            "I arranged a date with a girl a few weeks ago and she was 2 and a half hours late and i've never spoken to her again. Today I was supposed to meet with a guy i used to work with. We agreed everything and then an hour after we were supposed to meet, he phones me saying he's hungover and needs to nap."

            He's more than a bi. He's a "tri", b/c he's into guys, girls, and (I'm sure) himself.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              8 years ago | pl

              Lolwut? I'm not bi, i'm straight. The dude i was supposed to meet up with was a guy i used to work with and we were going to be taking some photos but the lazy cunt stood me up yet again. Fuck him!

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago | pl

    Look for nice, attractive girls with whom you actually share common interests, and might actually have some some compatibility. If you're solely approaching females who are hot with whom you have nothing in common then you're kinda asking to be rejected, and not really deserving of any sympathy. Pity perhaps, but not sympathy.

    I pity the fool that act like a damn fool!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      I do not just approach hot women, and anyway how am i supposed to know if we have any interests in common if i don't approach? Even if it's the girls we have something in common with, I am still afraid of them, even when they like me and are warm and receptive.

      I'm hardly asking to be rejected, am i?

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  • regisphilbin
    8 years ago | pl

    Beautiful women usually act selfish and entitled because they have been conditioned by society to believe that this kind of behavior is acceptable as long as they maintain their appearance.

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  • MisterPapaya
    8 years ago | pl

    You should try speed dating. This is beneficial for a few reasons:

    - You know the girls are there for the exact same reason you are
    - Conversations only last about 8 minutes so if there is no connection you can both move on
    - It takes the edge off because you're in a room full of people in the exact same situation as yourself, so there's no judgement

    Some people jump to the conclusion that only desperate, ugly people do speed dating, but this simply isn't true. I've gone several times and have met lots of beautiful girls.

    I even met my wife there, and am now a happily married man :)

    Good luck!

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