Asking if they would like to stop, or asking what they are thinking or feeling can help identify what is triggering that behavior. Allowing them to determine which boundaries are comfortable and which feelings and expressions are acceptable is essential. Always remember the body and person you are loving belongs to someone else and they have the right to determine how it is treated, if at all.
If at any time you feel that they're not responding in a manner that seems realistic or you suspect they are in emotional or physical distress, by all means, please be kind enough to ask how they are feeling. If at any point you are asked to stop, believe it is necessary for their well-being that you do so. It absolutely is. Any time you allow them to be in control, it increases the chances that they will recover more quickly and fully.
An inconsiderate partner can re-route all the previously-done healing back to square one. Encourage them to be guiding and vocal about what they feel comfortable with. You should probably not attempt to experiment unless you are very familiar with their triggers.
You can find out what they wish you to do when he or she is having a panic attack or in the grip of some memory by being prepared for that to happen. Beforehand, asking them questions like "What would you like me to do when ______ happens?" may be helpful. Expect them not to know what will help. Offer to hold them in a non-threatening posture, or provide a comforting object for them to hold. Allow them to move freely to a position that feels more emotionally and physically comfortable for them. Try not to feel rejected if they choose to move away from you. Being suddenly and powerfully overwhelmed with emotions in a frightening way can force some victims to take a step backward in their healing. This is not necessarily a reflection on you; many times it is simply a way for the victim to re-integrate that emotion into their lives on a less threatening basis.
Expect them to cry or have other emotional outbursts at the drop of a hat, and not to understand why or how they came to feel that way. It is rare for someone newly on the healing path to be able to distinguish how or why they feel something in a particular way at any given moment. Often there is some remaining sense of not feeling in control or sense of shame that can linger, even after they are feeling well for a long time.
Is it normal to be afraid of sex after being raped?
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Asking if they would like to stop, or asking what they are thinking or feeling can help identify what is triggering that behavior. Allowing them to determine which boundaries are comfortable and which feelings and expressions are acceptable is essential. Always remember the body and person you are loving belongs to someone else and they have the right to determine how it is treated, if at all.
If at any time you feel that they're not responding in a manner that seems realistic or you suspect they are in emotional or physical distress, by all means, please be kind enough to ask how they are feeling. If at any point you are asked to stop, believe it is necessary for their well-being that you do so. It absolutely is. Any time you allow them to be in control, it increases the chances that they will recover more quickly and fully.
An inconsiderate partner can re-route all the previously-done healing back to square one. Encourage them to be guiding and vocal about what they feel comfortable with. You should probably not attempt to experiment unless you are very familiar with their triggers.
You can find out what they wish you to do when he or she is having a panic attack or in the grip of some memory by being prepared for that to happen. Beforehand, asking them questions like "What would you like me to do when ______ happens?" may be helpful. Expect them not to know what will help. Offer to hold them in a non-threatening posture, or provide a comforting object for them to hold. Allow them to move freely to a position that feels more emotionally and physically comfortable for them. Try not to feel rejected if they choose to move away from you. Being suddenly and powerfully overwhelmed with emotions in a frightening way can force some victims to take a step backward in their healing. This is not necessarily a reflection on you; many times it is simply a way for the victim to re-integrate that emotion into their lives on a less threatening basis.
Expect them to cry or have other emotional outbursts at the drop of a hat, and not to understand why or how they came to feel that way. It is rare for someone newly on the healing path to be able to distinguish how or why they feel something in a particular way at any given moment. Often there is some remaining sense of not feeling in control or sense of shame that can linger, even after they are feeling well for a long time.