Not exactly. I've been at a psychologists a couple o years ago but all that came out was that I'm likely to be maladjusted and anti-social (in a non psychopath way, just saying) and I showed signs of severe depression. No specific autism tests were done. They said that they would not worry about it for the time being, that they did not rule it out but did not think it likely either, and that the depression would have to be treated first. The psychologist was a very well-known person in this country, is now retired, so I can't meet him again.
Since then, the above and more has developed only if it was not there before in some form. Like sitting in class with neon-camouflage and saluting the teachers, resisting the silence calls since they were the enemies. I have a friend who has Asperger's. I'm not sure if that's important, but we're still very different. From the few I have, we're all cracked. Depressed, bipolar, autistic, hyperactive, paranoid, - and me somewhere in between. Maybe it'll rub off. I have a roommate who wants me out. I mean, he once said that he was a sociopath. I don't know why I should believe him, but it makes sense with his behavior. You always have to make sure this guy doesn't put anything in your food. It's so gross. If you let him, he'd throw hand soap in your scrambled eggs and hope it gives you food poisoning.
Anyway, I'm not sure I'm autistic. All I know is that there is something wrong with the world around me and that my head is not working as it should. The insects, the doorbell pranks, suspicion of being sociophobic on the part of a former therapist. My supposed fantasy, which in my opinion is not one, because it is the way it is. Fear that nobody understands. Inner emptiness. Persistent nervousness. I don't know.
Btw sorry for my grammar. I've been using a program for some time now to make my writing more understandable, but I don't know if it works. I mean, I think it does work, but when I read what I wrote, it somehow doesn't make sense to me anymore.
IIN to be a weirdo?
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
Not exactly. I've been at a psychologists a couple o years ago but all that came out was that I'm likely to be maladjusted and anti-social (in a non psychopath way, just saying) and I showed signs of severe depression. No specific autism tests were done. They said that they would not worry about it for the time being, that they did not rule it out but did not think it likely either, and that the depression would have to be treated first. The psychologist was a very well-known person in this country, is now retired, so I can't meet him again.
Since then, the above and more has developed only if it was not there before in some form. Like sitting in class with neon-camouflage and saluting the teachers, resisting the silence calls since they were the enemies. I have a friend who has Asperger's. I'm not sure if that's important, but we're still very different. From the few I have, we're all cracked. Depressed, bipolar, autistic, hyperactive, paranoid, - and me somewhere in between. Maybe it'll rub off. I have a roommate who wants me out. I mean, he once said that he was a sociopath. I don't know why I should believe him, but it makes sense with his behavior. You always have to make sure this guy doesn't put anything in your food. It's so gross. If you let him, he'd throw hand soap in your scrambled eggs and hope it gives you food poisoning.
Anyway, I'm not sure I'm autistic. All I know is that there is something wrong with the world around me and that my head is not working as it should. The insects, the doorbell pranks, suspicion of being sociophobic on the part of a former therapist. My supposed fantasy, which in my opinion is not one, because it is the way it is. Fear that nobody understands. Inner emptiness. Persistent nervousness. I don't know.
Btw sorry for my grammar. I've been using a program for some time now to make my writing more understandable, but I don't know if it works. I mean, I think it does work, but when I read what I wrote, it somehow doesn't make sense to me anymore.