Is it normal to be a total idiot?

I hate myself, my personality, the way I look and my mind. I hate it so much, I'm one of the ugliest girls at my school, if not the ugliest. I sometimes like to fool myself into thinking I'm decent, but that's just a lie. What's worse is my personality, I'm rude, I lack a social antennae, and when I'm with others I always act bigheaded and holier than thou. I'm a f*cking hypocrite, I talk down about others when I do the same. I think way too much, I set my goals too high and fail. I always stand in my own way. When I fail, which I normally do, I feel the need to punish myself. I chew my cheek, dig my nails into my skin, hit myself or deny myself things. Often food, because I'm a sucker for it.

I'm a jerk, I'm convinced I'm one of the worst out there. I have no idea why I have friends, even if they only stay so for a short time. I want to just end it sometimes, but I fail at that too. I know I'll never have a relationship (if I ever was to be asked, I would say no. Noone deserves an idiot like me).

When I'm with others, more 'popular' and indeed much more likeable people, I tend to distance myself. I've pulled down my friends, I can't stand doing it to more people.

I have the worst hygiene too, I know I smell, I can feel the sweating, and smell it, and no matter how hard I clean myself I still smell the stench of sweat. It never seems like anyone else notices, but they're probably just feeling bad for me and pitying me. If I was them, I'd do the same.

I feel like I lack any form of common sense, I need things explained before I understand. It's like I'm some sort of alien, stupid.

Is it normal to be like this? So grotesque, so horrible and disgusting? Do I just have something wrong with my mind?

Voting Results
44% Normal
Based on 62 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • peterr

    You sound okay to me, just a bit down. Suck some cock and everything will be okay. You don't know what you are missing!

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  • Moneybagschest

    Somebody needs a hug.

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  • kinklu

    It's obvious from your writing skill that you are not stupid. On the contrary, I believe you are very intelligent. We all have occasional insecure feelings of inferiority. It's normal and you are normal.

    I have a high IQ and I know a lot about many things. But I'm an absolute dunce in many areas, especially those I'm not interested in. Do you know, I thought my wife was talking about Ryan the Republican vice presidential candidate and she actually was talking about Jay Ryan, the movie actor she's in love with from Australia. That's how dumb I can be!

    I suspect you are imagining the smell, but your doctor can help you with that. I'm thinking it may just be a female smell as in pheromones and that I would love it as a male. If a daily shower and change of underpants along with deodorant doesn't take care of it, the doctor can help you.

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  • TareBear20

    It actually helps when you can identify you're flaws. Alright, so now youve recognized where you went wrong. Figure out how to fix it. One day at a time. Try to better yourself and learn to bite you're tongue when you have something mean to say. You see the problems. Fix them.

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  • zimba

    You didn't fail on this post, very clear and lucid description of someone who is for some reason blind to positive thoughts about themself.

    I have recently worked through a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy book that was excellent "Overcoming Low Self-esteem". Very practical and scientifically tested methods.

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  • moonstruck

    For the relationship part I think everyone worries about never finding the one or feeling worthy of love but my grandma always said "there is a Jack for every Jill" I know it sounds lame but It's the truth believe me. And I am saying this not sure I've even found my Jack, and I'm a very pessimistic person lol.

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  • You just have low self esteem, I'm sure everything you mentioned isn't as bad as you made it seem :) but be careful, you should see a therapist or something before it gets worse and becomes delusions or depression or something.

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  • zxy

    Well youv done the first step, addmiting your faults, now all you need to do is

    Body
    -shave you body hair to reduce sweat
    -comb your hair
    -eat healthy

    Attitude
    -be kind to other
    -make small goals
    -think before you speak

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  • TieDiedSuperstar

    I feel the same way, except I'm fairly average looking and don't think about my sweat so much. Years of medication and therapy have helped.

    I think you need a psychotherapist before your depression really starts.

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  • hugabug

    I'm the exact same way. I have those same thoughts everday, I don't think it's normal though. It's a really bad thing, I have missed out on a lot of opportunities because I thought I wasn't good enough. I think we both need to get help or some kind. =/

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  • almostunreadable

    Great thing that you see yourself as you really are! It's a blessing! That means that you have a soul far more advanced and cannot withstand your current condition (both mental and physical)

    This is a good thing and happens to all people who can do much more with their life and themselves.

    I hope this isn't just some chemical imbalance that causes you to think like this, I hope you are really on a path to enrich this world with one more person that strives to better oneself - you :)

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  • sherry

    Looks like you have some work to do -----
    starting with your self-esteem.

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  • fancyj

    I'm sure that your your own worst critic. Give yourself a break. There are lovable and great qualitys to everyone. Maybe you should try talking to a counsler to help you realize yours. Keep your chin up.

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  • U need to stop saying these thugs about urself. If thy r true try to fix them. Perhaps sy niccer things even wen u feel like being rude. I've learned that excersice and sports make me happy and increase my confidence. Maybe u couldtry it too. Buy urself something nice everytime u do something sweet or thoughtful. Reward urself. Or u can get help with a professional

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