People have all different ways of viewing sex and stuff so hes probly just feeling like thats not how he wants to experience it. I had guys that wanted me to say certain things and it made me feel like they were just using me as a prop in there fantasy and the intimacy wasn't even about me or really even intimate as I end up just shutting down and letting them do what they want until they finish and then I just bury my face in a pillow so they won't know I'm crying. Thats probly no help and I'm sorry for that but maybe you can see another side of this. I think its ok you ask and I think its ok hes not into it what you do about it is really the question I hope you figure it out so you canboth be happy.
Thanks so much for sharing your views. (As a female I am really saddened to hear your experience was so emotionally hurtful and disconnecting). You are right though - we do need to figure out what works for us. If only he would communicate on the subject instead of making me feel weird for asking.
I think anything 2 people want together is ok I don't judge anyone on that tho sometimes I wonder what makes them want it usually like the flogging or real rough stuff. I am so bad at relationships you should never ever listen if it sounds like I'm giving advice becos for sure it will kill whatever you have I'm toxic like that. But maybe if you can talk about it outside the bedroom and tell him why you want it and how it would make you feel hopefully theres something really positive about it and you can make that the point. I don't think a trade system would work where you do this for me I do that for you cos then you have to keep score and I think keeping score is a bad road to go down.
If I can ask what do you want him to say or express? Maybe I can think of a way to put it that will put him at ease. I'm thinking he probably puts you in a special place in his heart and that what you want isn't compatible with that.
IIN to ask him to talk dirty?
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People have all different ways of viewing sex and stuff so hes probly just feeling like thats not how he wants to experience it. I had guys that wanted me to say certain things and it made me feel like they were just using me as a prop in there fantasy and the intimacy wasn't even about me or really even intimate as I end up just shutting down and letting them do what they want until they finish and then I just bury my face in a pillow so they won't know I'm crying. Thats probly no help and I'm sorry for that but maybe you can see another side of this. I think its ok you ask and I think its ok hes not into it what you do about it is really the question I hope you figure it out so you canboth be happy.
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Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
7 years ago
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Thanks so much for sharing your views. (As a female I am really saddened to hear your experience was so emotionally hurtful and disconnecting). You are right though - we do need to figure out what works for us. If only he would communicate on the subject instead of making me feel weird for asking.
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mysistersshadow
7 years ago
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I think anything 2 people want together is ok I don't judge anyone on that tho sometimes I wonder what makes them want it usually like the flogging or real rough stuff. I am so bad at relationships you should never ever listen if it sounds like I'm giving advice becos for sure it will kill whatever you have I'm toxic like that. But maybe if you can talk about it outside the bedroom and tell him why you want it and how it would make you feel hopefully theres something really positive about it and you can make that the point. I don't think a trade system would work where you do this for me I do that for you cos then you have to keep score and I think keeping score is a bad road to go down.
If I can ask what do you want him to say or express? Maybe I can think of a way to put it that will put him at ease. I'm thinking he probably puts you in a special place in his heart and that what you want isn't compatible with that.