I don't think it's normal. You might be depressed. I find this very similar to myself, and personally I think I have some kind of depression myself. You probably should talk to someone about it. I probably should too. Haha!
I work in a cafe-like environment as well, and I do find myself, "putting on a happy face" not all the time, but a lot of time's. With me, I know I can't satisfy everyone, and as soon as I get wind of people being unresponsive, and not accepting of me, I feel like I want to shut them/people out. BOTTOM LINE: In reality, I just want to be able to make everyone happy. It sadden's me that I don't make people happy. I feel like, if they're not satisfied with me, then I can't be satisfied with myself. How could I be happy if they aren't happy? And let's face it, people don't like people who are sad. They wanna see that you're happy, bubbly, personable, so even when I'm feeling like I'm having a bad day, I try to put on a smile. I try to be good to people. I'd like to think that I haven't totally faded away from people/society. But when my insecurities set in, just like all that blah I just said, not satisfying people, inablity to make them happy, etc. That's when I find my own company to be the best I've ever known. I feel like, sometime's I get so used to sitting alone, that I have become strangely content with it. But then, I have day's I just want someone by my side. I'm very family oriented, I love my family, and seriously I like people, and sure, I have day's when I wouldn't mind being home alone, away from it all. REMINDER: Sometime's those we love the most, and are closest to, are the one's we tend to butt head's with.
Maybe you feel the same way, I don't know. Are you sure you really don't like people, or have you just given up on people? Do you feel like people aren't satisfied with you? Maybe you're unhappy. Maybe you feel like crap, b/c you feel like you can't give people what they want, so you shut them out of your life. You should ask yourself these question's, because honestly, I think there is some kind of underlying sadness that make's you feel this way. And I doubt you, "don't love" your family. If something happened to them(death), God forbid it, I'm sure you'd be sad. Wouldn't you?
I don't know. With me I think it might be that I'm run down to the very bottom of my energy. I go to school during the week and stress out about that, homework and classes and collage plans, and then I work on both days on the weekend- for no pay because my parents own it. I get tips, but on average that's like twenty bucks a day. I havn't had a day off in months. And that's not even being dramatic- seriously- MONTHS. I mean, most sixteen year olds sleep in untill four o'clock on the weekends, right? And on top of that, I do EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY. we have five horses, four dogs and five cats, and I take care of all of them every morning and every night. I cook dinner almost every night, when we don't have take-out. I clean the house, because my sister is convinced that since she's eighteen she doesn't have to do anything for anyone.
And my mother thinks I'm the laziest child that ever was, as does my grandma. And she asumes I'm stupid. She takes to me in baby talk and acts like SHE'S four half the time, and she thinks she knows more than me. And I know she does, on certain subjects. Like when I go out to feed the horses, and she for once goes out to help, she acts like she knows them better than me, and like it's my first time around them. I grew up around those horses, and she goes out to the barn every once in a blue moon, so I DO know more about those horses than she does. A lot more. It's kind of insulting.
M7y father is a class-A Jackass. He comes home, expexts dinner on the table the house spotless and the remote on his desk. If you don't respond to him in less than tenn seconds, he seriously huffs like a thirteen year old girl and halfway does it himself, making as much angry noise as possible. He believs in all that "Speak when spoken to" crap. And I love to sing. That's my dream, to be able to song on stage. And when America's got talent came close to our town I asked if I could audition. He said no. Why? because he didin't want to wait in line for a day with me and because there are plenty of "good" singers out there. I don't know if you sing or do anything like that, but that hurts.
When we are teenagers, we often feel completely disenfranchised and powerless to control how things go in our lives. You are not the only one who has felt like this so take comfort that you are not alone.
And, you are not dumb, even though you think your grandma treats you like an imbecile with the horses. Usually, people are not restricting their behavior to just one person. If she is treating you like this, she is probably treating others like this too (including your mother). Again, you are not alone in this.
Why not try opening a YOU TUBE account and singing on your channel? If you are as good as you say you are, you may be able to advance your career this way.
Is it normal to always want to be alone?
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I don't think it's normal. You might be depressed. I find this very similar to myself, and personally I think I have some kind of depression myself. You probably should talk to someone about it. I probably should too. Haha!
I work in a cafe-like environment as well, and I do find myself, "putting on a happy face" not all the time, but a lot of time's. With me, I know I can't satisfy everyone, and as soon as I get wind of people being unresponsive, and not accepting of me, I feel like I want to shut them/people out. BOTTOM LINE: In reality, I just want to be able to make everyone happy. It sadden's me that I don't make people happy. I feel like, if they're not satisfied with me, then I can't be satisfied with myself. How could I be happy if they aren't happy? And let's face it, people don't like people who are sad. They wanna see that you're happy, bubbly, personable, so even when I'm feeling like I'm having a bad day, I try to put on a smile. I try to be good to people. I'd like to think that I haven't totally faded away from people/society. But when my insecurities set in, just like all that blah I just said, not satisfying people, inablity to make them happy, etc. That's when I find my own company to be the best I've ever known. I feel like, sometime's I get so used to sitting alone, that I have become strangely content with it. But then, I have day's I just want someone by my side. I'm very family oriented, I love my family, and seriously I like people, and sure, I have day's when I wouldn't mind being home alone, away from it all. REMINDER: Sometime's those we love the most, and are closest to, are the one's we tend to butt head's with.
Maybe you feel the same way, I don't know. Are you sure you really don't like people, or have you just given up on people? Do you feel like people aren't satisfied with you? Maybe you're unhappy. Maybe you feel like crap, b/c you feel like you can't give people what they want, so you shut them out of your life. You should ask yourself these question's, because honestly, I think there is some kind of underlying sadness that make's you feel this way. And I doubt you, "don't love" your family. If something happened to them(death), God forbid it, I'm sure you'd be sad. Wouldn't you?
By the way, I'm sorry for the essay.
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musicluver1024
12 years ago
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I don't know. With me I think it might be that I'm run down to the very bottom of my energy. I go to school during the week and stress out about that, homework and classes and collage plans, and then I work on both days on the weekend- for no pay because my parents own it. I get tips, but on average that's like twenty bucks a day. I havn't had a day off in months. And that's not even being dramatic- seriously- MONTHS. I mean, most sixteen year olds sleep in untill four o'clock on the weekends, right? And on top of that, I do EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY. we have five horses, four dogs and five cats, and I take care of all of them every morning and every night. I cook dinner almost every night, when we don't have take-out. I clean the house, because my sister is convinced that since she's eighteen she doesn't have to do anything for anyone.
And my mother thinks I'm the laziest child that ever was, as does my grandma. And she asumes I'm stupid. She takes to me in baby talk and acts like SHE'S four half the time, and she thinks she knows more than me. And I know she does, on certain subjects. Like when I go out to feed the horses, and she for once goes out to help, she acts like she knows them better than me, and like it's my first time around them. I grew up around those horses, and she goes out to the barn every once in a blue moon, so I DO know more about those horses than she does. A lot more. It's kind of insulting.
M7y father is a class-A Jackass. He comes home, expexts dinner on the table the house spotless and the remote on his desk. If you don't respond to him in less than tenn seconds, he seriously huffs like a thirteen year old girl and halfway does it himself, making as much angry noise as possible. He believs in all that "Speak when spoken to" crap. And I love to sing. That's my dream, to be able to song on stage. And when America's got talent came close to our town I asked if I could audition. He said no. Why? because he didin't want to wait in line for a day with me and because there are plenty of "good" singers out there. I don't know if you sing or do anything like that, but that hurts.
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[Old Memory]
12 years ago
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This, too, shall pass.
When we are teenagers, we often feel completely disenfranchised and powerless to control how things go in our lives. You are not the only one who has felt like this so take comfort that you are not alone.
And, you are not dumb, even though you think your grandma treats you like an imbecile with the horses. Usually, people are not restricting their behavior to just one person. If she is treating you like this, she is probably treating others like this too (including your mother). Again, you are not alone in this.
Why not try opening a YOU TUBE account and singing on your channel? If you are as good as you say you are, you may be able to advance your career this way.
Hang in there and stay strong.