Is it normal to always want to be alone?

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I used to love being with people. I used to always want to hang out with my friends and laugh and be goofy and all that crap. But I don't know what happened- I just don't want to anymore. I work at a cafe and when I talk to the people I have to put on this big happy smile and pretend to be interested in what they're saying. And as soon as they're gone the smile dissapears and I feel kind of automatically angry. It's kind of weird; I feel like I actually AM happy while talking to people, like I believe my own lie. But as soon as there's no on in the cafe I forget to beieve it agian. And my family... Aren't people supposed to love their families? I DON'T. and I'm not just talking as a cranky daughter- I DON'T love them. when I'm home alone, I feel alot better than when I'm not. When I hear the front door open I feel myself deflate. I hate talking to them, and I feel phbysicall discomfort doing so- like my diaphragm is tightening and bile is rising in my throat. I like being alone. I don't like PEOPLE. But I thought that people were supposed to want to be with other people. Like pack animals. Is there something wrong with me?

Is It Normal?
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  • Ldizzy1234
    12 years ago | pl

    I don't think it's normal. You might be depressed. I find this very similar to myself, and personally I think I have some kind of depression myself. You probably should talk to someone about it. I probably should too. Haha!

    I work in a cafe-like environment as well, and I do find myself, "putting on a happy face" not all the time, but a lot of time's. With me, I know I can't satisfy everyone, and as soon as I get wind of people being unresponsive, and not accepting of me, I feel like I want to shut them/people out. BOTTOM LINE: In reality, I just want to be able to make everyone happy. It sadden's me that I don't make people happy. I feel like, if they're not satisfied with me, then I can't be satisfied with myself. How could I be happy if they aren't happy? And let's face it, people don't like people who are sad. They wanna see that you're happy, bubbly, personable, so even when I'm feeling like I'm having a bad day, I try to put on a smile. I try to be good to people. I'd like to think that I haven't totally faded away from people/society. But when my insecurities set in, just like all that blah I just said, not satisfying people, inablity to make them happy, etc. That's when I find my own company to be the best I've ever known. I feel like, sometime's I get so used to sitting alone, that I have become strangely content with it. But then, I have day's I just want someone by my side. I'm very family oriented, I love my family, and seriously I like people, and sure, I have day's when I wouldn't mind being home alone, away from it all. REMINDER: Sometime's those we love the most, and are closest to, are the one's we tend to butt head's with.

    Maybe you feel the same way, I don't know. Are you sure you really don't like people, or have you just given up on people? Do you feel like people aren't satisfied with you? Maybe you're unhappy. Maybe you feel like crap, b/c you feel like you can't give people what they want, so you shut them out of your life. You should ask yourself these question's, because honestly, I think there is some kind of underlying sadness that make's you feel this way. And I doubt you, "don't love" your family. If something happened to them(death), God forbid it, I'm sure you'd be sad. Wouldn't you?

    By the way, I'm sorry for the essay.

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    • musicluver1024
      12 years ago | pl

      I don't know. With me I think it might be that I'm run down to the very bottom of my energy. I go to school during the week and stress out about that, homework and classes and collage plans, and then I work on both days on the weekend- for no pay because my parents own it. I get tips, but on average that's like twenty bucks a day. I havn't had a day off in months. And that's not even being dramatic- seriously- MONTHS. I mean, most sixteen year olds sleep in untill four o'clock on the weekends, right? And on top of that, I do EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY. we have five horses, four dogs and five cats, and I take care of all of them every morning and every night. I cook dinner almost every night, when we don't have take-out. I clean the house, because my sister is convinced that since she's eighteen she doesn't have to do anything for anyone.

      And my mother thinks I'm the laziest child that ever was, as does my grandma. And she asumes I'm stupid. She takes to me in baby talk and acts like SHE'S four half the time, and she thinks she knows more than me. And I know she does, on certain subjects. Like when I go out to feed the horses, and she for once goes out to help, she acts like she knows them better than me, and like it's my first time around them. I grew up around those horses, and she goes out to the barn every once in a blue moon, so I DO know more about those horses than she does. A lot more. It's kind of insulting.

      M7y father is a class-A Jackass. He comes home, expexts dinner on the table the house spotless and the remote on his desk. If you don't respond to him in less than tenn seconds, he seriously huffs like a thirteen year old girl and halfway does it himself, making as much angry noise as possible. He believs in all that "Speak when spoken to" crap. And I love to sing. That's my dream, to be able to song on stage. And when America's got talent came close to our town I asked if I could audition. He said no. Why? because he didin't want to wait in line for a day with me and because there are plenty of "good" singers out there. I don't know if you sing or do anything like that, but that hurts.

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago | pl

        This, too, shall pass.

        When we are teenagers, we often feel completely disenfranchised and powerless to control how things go in our lives. You are not the only one who has felt like this so take comfort that you are not alone.

        And, you are not dumb, even though you think your grandma treats you like an imbecile with the horses. Usually, people are not restricting their behavior to just one person. If she is treating you like this, she is probably treating others like this too (including your mother). Again, you are not alone in this.

        Why not try opening a YOU TUBE account and singing on your channel? If you are as good as you say you are, you may be able to advance your career this way.

        Hang in there and stay strong.

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  • artistchic
    12 years ago | pl

    You sound like a really nice person who works very hard - like Cinderella! That's very commendable. I do believe, however, you're sacrificing a lot for your family(the most constant people in your life), that you've begun to resent them and other people.
    Something similar happened to a good friend of mine - she used to go out, be super-social, and did everything for anyone, and then she got so overwhelmed she just stopped going out with friends.
    Plus, she was in an academic program her parents basically picked for her, but she had so much work and she hated it. I think there was some resentment there too.

    I knew she was a social girl naturally, so this was odd behaviour for her-I just stayed in contact, being very careful not to put pressure on her for anything. She would often feel guilty for not calling me or canceling plans, but I was very careful to say it was okay, and I needed to be very patient.

    I can't tell you how to live your life, but, I think it's great you have this dream of being a singer and you need to keep in touch with what you need to do to make YOU happy, even if it means others don't always get what they want. Best of luck :)

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  • musicluver1024
    12 years ago | pl

    Thank you all for the advice. I hope I'm not depressed, because ironically that's a depressing thought :/ Hopefully things will get better with all of you soon, and for me, and hopefuly life won't knock us down anymore than it has to :(

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  • wreckd
    12 years ago | pl

    Try to hold on to the good person that you are for dear life!!

    I know it would be hard to do, but try to get a job outside of the cafe. Tell your parents that it just doesn't pay enough. Hopefully you'll find a good paying job and you'll be able to move out on your own.

    When you aren't around as much, your family will appreciate you much more than they do now.

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  • musicluver1024
    12 years ago | pl

    My Sister is the most violent person I know. If I say ANYTHING she doesn't agree with (as long as mom or dad aren't home) she will scream the most hurtfull things with as much profanity as possible and hit you until you apologize. She's spent my whole life calling me a fat cow and a loser and ugly. I lend her money to buy stuff and she never pays me back. and if I don't lend it to her she just steals it. My parents actually DO pay her when she works at the cafe, only because she makes life hell for them. And she's stealing money from me. who only gets paid in tips.

    So I give people what they want. The trouble is they never stop wanting more. I'm tired and I don't think I have anything left to give. I think I just want somebody to notice. I think I'm just holding out for a "good job."

    I'm sorry for my rant :( I think it trumps your essay :( I'm Sorry.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    Humans can defy their own herd mentality and become solitary like the cat. Are you a young person? Your brain does not stop developing until early adulthood. Many people's personalities change dramatically around this time.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    I know this isn't normal... And yet I feel exactly the same way you do.

    I feel completely empty and irritated as soon as here my parents come home. I'm social with people when they're around me, and yet when they leave I feel pissed off that they were nice towards me (and me to them). Basically, I resonate with everthing you've written... Does anyone have any advise?

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    • musicluver1024
      12 years ago | pl

      I don't know- with me I start to believe my own happy face, you know? I do have happy spells sometimes, but they're becoming few and far between. But I guess when that happens it's just me FORCING myself to be happy. And I really hope I'm not diagnosably depressed. because I really don't want to ask for help. I mean, if I went to a doctor to give me anti-depressants, my sister would never let me forget it, saying that I was a big baby and that her life is way harder than mine and i'm just being dramatic, even though she smokes enough pot to make a brain-dead person sing with joy. it took me the longest time to decide to get on here and ask for help, and most of the reasons I did are because there's nobody who knows who I am on here. I'm sorry I'm not much help. Maybe less stress would help? that's a genaric answer for any question :/

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago | pl

        I think I could be diagnosed with depression... I've researched my thoughts and feelings online and it seems to be called "Atypical Depression". I try to combat these feelings with sport and excercise you know, healthy stuff. I don't want to talk to my parents about what I'm feeling coz they have this wierd way of making anything bad/wrong seem like its ''YOUR fault'' NEVER thiers.

        I think my feelings have become more prevalent since I started university (2 months ago). I hate it because I'm not studying what I want to... And its my parents fault that I'm stuck studying BS I have no interest in. Its having such an adverse affect on me... I've even gone as far as cutting all ties with my high school friends (I closed my fb and hardly reply to SMSs). Its not as if I hate them or anything, its just that it seems like all them are happy and studying what they want to. Its as if they're happines is bringing me down.

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  • CarlWayne1975
    12 years ago | pl

    Whether it's "normal" or not.... This basically described me...to a "T"!! Only me it has been since puberty. They are faint memories, me enjoying playing with other humans. I have always found it hard to understand other humans. They are weird!! Although, I love my family. In the best way I can. They understand me. AND, I am in an 8-year relationship. He understands! You just REALLLLLY have to find the right person!! I get through life by ... Acting! I deserve an OSCAR! Oh, yeah, I am a 35 year old male. 35 going on 16...

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  • macdaddyyo
    12 years ago | pl

    Maybe you have some sort of social anxiety. You said that you deflate when your family members walk in the door and that you are physically uncomfortable when speaking to them. This sounds like a reaction to fear, maybe something happened to you that has caused you to be this way, but you have blocked it out or you have become depressed. I don't find ot odd that you don't want to be around people, but I find it odd that you did in the past and don't want to anymore. I feel like there is a reason or reasons why this changed happen.

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