Is it normal this still hurts?(her first time)

This is one of many reasons I hate the value that's placed on virginity. It hurts people.

Have you considered seeing a therapist? It sounds like your anxiety about this is really affecting your life and could affect your relationship. This really, really isn't healthy.

This sort of "morality" implies that you have some sort of claim of ownership over her, and it really is not healthy.

She's pregnant with your child, therefore you guys have probably been having sex for a while, therefore you knew she wasn't a virgin and still decided to continue onward in the relationship to the point of choosing to have children. If you ask me if this was such a big issue you shouldn't have let it go this far if you had no plans on changing your ideas of "morality" and are going to hold something ridiculous against her.

If you love her enough to have a child with her then you should just let go of the fact that you weren't her first.
It's not that big of a deal. And I understand that you want to be her first and last or whatever but honestly it's much too late for that and you need to put it behind you before it ruins your relationship with her. It'd be very awkward if you guys broke up because you weren't her first and then you never got to be her last because she found a man that didn't put so much pressure on her damn virginity.
Young people make mistakes. And you have to get over that.

This is why I want to wait until marriage with someone who wants the same.
I want to avoid that feeling you felt trying to think of an explanation for your child...
Because I will never be okay with it...
The only other option I have is to change my morals and believe it's okay to sleep with whoever and whenever.
I will have to just de-value sex so that I will no longer think of it as one of the most intimate acts of love, that exists to show that one special person how glad you are that you will be spending the rest of your life with them.

I see people as a package, a collective collage.
Made up of their past and present.
To me, someone who lost their virginity to some random person years ago is not like me...
They are just part of the crowd who were curious and gave in to their urges.

You must let go of the past.

Totally understandable. But hopefully you'll realize one day that sex and love are not the same thing.

My wife must have had over 50 men between 13 and 23 years of age. We have been married now for 33years. She feels that lack of self confidence at the time led her to seek solice in sex. . I had to deal with jealous feelings early on in the relationship. At the end of the day the other men were ships in the night. She choose to settle down with me and is one fantastic wife mother and grandmother. Actually now ,Although she doesnt like to do it I encourage her to talk about some of her sexual experiences It turns me on so much.

It's probably normal to feel a little jealousy at first, but most of the time, it should fade as you grow more secure in the relationship. I agree with those who say that you should try to put these troubling images and hurt feelings out of your mind. This other man was her past, but you're her present (and future). She is chosing to live a life and build a family with you, not him. If this knowledge doesn't reassure you, then perhaps you should seek counseling lest your worries affect your relationship.

Allow me to share some quotes on the ego:

"The ego is your enemy, not your friend. It is the ego that gives you wounds and hurts you. It is the ego that makes you violent, angry, jealous, competitive. It is the ego that is continuously comparing and feeling miserable." - Osho

"All troubles come to an end when the ego dies." - Ramakrishna

No one belongs to anyone, and you don't belong to anyone either. Get over yourself, try meditation or something that will help you get over the situation. Or the way you feel might poison your future. Focus on the present, not on the past.

On a side note, you should understand she probably had her first time with someone else than you to PROTECT herself. Womens first times are generally different; (our first times feel wierd anyway - I don't know of any woman who ENJOYED her first nouki, seriously. It either hurts like hell or it's awkward, not as good as we imagined... But as years go by we enjoy it all the more) . All I know is I didn't want to have sex with my first love because I knew it would be too memorable and I didn't want him to have that kind of power over me. So I had sex with a "decent" guy, I was assured wouldn't hurt me, because I was not in love with him.

You are an extremely caring person so just talk with your wife and maybe just for some support go to a therapist and I hope the best for you

This is the reason why Islam says a woman and man to stay in their limits... But now past is past .. You must forgive her and just love her...her present matters ,not past... Trust me she is the best and only lady for you

*the thought that I was not and never will be her first, sorry

Plenty of people feel like this, and it's not at all unusual, but what you have to realise is that it's highly unusual for a woman to marry her first lover these days. My wife was highly conservative and religious, but had had three lovers before I met her (she was 26). None of them gave her any pleasure, and I'm just happy that I was the one who introduced her to the joy of sex and love. Your feelings are often due to repressed homosexuality. I'm not saying you're gay but maybe you're repressing these slight gay feelings we all have, and you are allowing this guy's prick to invade YOUR space, instead of dismissing it as the total irrelevance it is.

i dont know if you've read 50 shades of Grey, but Christian Grey was particularly possessive and determined that Ana's sex would belong to him and him only. He got jealous that she had even kissed another guy when she was younger.

There'e nothing wrong with this at all I don't think, it is clear that there is a strong connection betweent sex and love and that's brilliant because Sex should mean something. Maybe thats why you're hurting now, you realise that your lover was used for it.

Good on you for realising the issue and trying to deal with it. It'll heal with time. Remember, Ana and Christian had a happy everr after, so you'' be fine!!

In the neighbourhood I grew up, there was this old dude that offered to help every girl lose their innocence before getting their first boyfriend. He would give them a drink of whiskey to ease the pain and make them bend over his table for it to be "less personal." Two girls I know lost their virginity to him, so he got some ass this way. On the other hand the sex was less than amazing. Putting it in, having to stop because the girl is hurting, moving a little, having to stop etc. Until finally getting off enough thrusts to cum, her bleeding all over your dick and all.