Is it normal the way i feel?

I am a socially anxious guy who does not have any friends but only people that I hang out sometimes.The last month I have started drinking and smoking cigars again because thats they only way I become an interesting guy .Yesterday I achieved to sleep with a great woman way older than me and all it happened because of the whiskey, otherwise I suck.In my life I had many times sex but there are maybe 3,4 times that I was sober.I have no motivation to do anything else in my life ..I wish I could meet a guy like me to help eatch other.I know alchohol fucks up my mind because many times I end up crying alone in the room but it also makes me a confident person for some hours.There have been times in my life that I have been sober for a long time and I felt so empty. I am not an alcoholic but thats the only way I can become the person I want to be for some hours.
Is it normal for socially anxious guy life to suck? why it has to be so hard..