Have to be honest here..I dated, for several months, a beautiful, gorgeous woman who had boatloads of medical issues, over 30 surgeries, a cane and/or walker, and internal stuff going on. And, was such a flirt with other men that the thought of being with her "because nobody else wants her", or "she's not healthy enough to get anyone else" never crossed my mind. I knew guys went to her, and, instead of seeing her as "broken", would just make the adjustments, like I did, to have sex with her.
Just because a women is disabled or physically damaged in some way doesn't mean they can't or won't go elsewhere. In this age of the 'net, people meet and date all the time, and, if she's disabled, she has all the time in the world to be online and getting attention.
It's tricky because "disability" is a broad concept that can encompass just about anything. I think there's a psychological aspect to being dependent on someone -- and emotional dependence can follow financial, social or medical dependence. This contributes to attachment and closeness, encouraging time spent together, while discouraging relationship dissolution.
As for the woman you dated, I'm afraid it has more to do with the type of disability than its severity. Say, you're with a deaf person, and you learned sign language; they can't just strike a casual conversation with some stranger in the waiting room, and anyone else who wanted to be with them would have to spend time and energy to learn sign language themselves, if they were willing to. If you're with someone who needs your physical assistance to get out of the house, you know they won't be going out whenever they like without your knowledge. Sometimes the barriers are not physical but mental, e.g. selective mutism.
That's one difference. The woman I dated, and still, now, see once in a while, although her body is physically a mess, and she's disabled, is a very proud, tough-girl, very independent even though physically dependent often. If I had a dollar for every time she told me "I can do it", no matter what it was, I'd pay off my house.
She doesn't like being dependent, however, has help from family and a visiting nurse, as well as me at a moment's notice. The fact she's still an amazing beauty, without really trying, is testament to her, and, I guess, good genes. She can be a huge flirt, maybe it affirms that she hasn't lost it, but I know some guys would take advantage and hurt her. She really can't defend herself.
For me, she's one of those people who you..Just can't shake. Not that I want to. But I do know her physical condition very well.
That makes me think that it has more to do with a person's unique personality than anything. But personality is something so elusive, ambiguous, fluid, changeable, and hard to measure. It's much easier to pin-point a disability.
If you check the statistics, there are many variables that correlate with divorce rates. I find it interesting that the divorce rates of marriage counselors and therapists are not atypical, but higher than those of engineers, for example. That, I suspect, underlines the importance of external factors.
IIN the thought of marrying a disabled person appeals to me because...
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Have to be honest here..I dated, for several months, a beautiful, gorgeous woman who had boatloads of medical issues, over 30 surgeries, a cane and/or walker, and internal stuff going on. And, was such a flirt with other men that the thought of being with her "because nobody else wants her", or "she's not healthy enough to get anyone else" never crossed my mind. I knew guys went to her, and, instead of seeing her as "broken", would just make the adjustments, like I did, to have sex with her.
Just because a women is disabled or physically damaged in some way doesn't mean they can't or won't go elsewhere. In this age of the 'net, people meet and date all the time, and, if she's disabled, she has all the time in the world to be online and getting attention.
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azizedelash
6 years ago
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It's tricky because "disability" is a broad concept that can encompass just about anything. I think there's a psychological aspect to being dependent on someone -- and emotional dependence can follow financial, social or medical dependence. This contributes to attachment and closeness, encouraging time spent together, while discouraging relationship dissolution.
As for the woman you dated, I'm afraid it has more to do with the type of disability than its severity. Say, you're with a deaf person, and you learned sign language; they can't just strike a casual conversation with some stranger in the waiting room, and anyone else who wanted to be with them would have to spend time and energy to learn sign language themselves, if they were willing to. If you're with someone who needs your physical assistance to get out of the house, you know they won't be going out whenever they like without your knowledge. Sometimes the barriers are not physical but mental, e.g. selective mutism.
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Justmehere
6 years ago
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That's one difference. The woman I dated, and still, now, see once in a while, although her body is physically a mess, and she's disabled, is a very proud, tough-girl, very independent even though physically dependent often. If I had a dollar for every time she told me "I can do it", no matter what it was, I'd pay off my house.
She doesn't like being dependent, however, has help from family and a visiting nurse, as well as me at a moment's notice. The fact she's still an amazing beauty, without really trying, is testament to her, and, I guess, good genes. She can be a huge flirt, maybe it affirms that she hasn't lost it, but I know some guys would take advantage and hurt her. She really can't defend herself.
For me, she's one of those people who you..Just can't shake. Not that I want to. But I do know her physical condition very well.
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azizedelash
6 years ago
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That makes me think that it has more to do with a person's unique personality than anything. But personality is something so elusive, ambiguous, fluid, changeable, and hard to measure. It's much easier to pin-point a disability.
If you check the statistics, there are many variables that correlate with divorce rates. I find it interesting that the divorce rates of marriage counselors and therapists are not atypical, but higher than those of engineers, for example. That, I suspect, underlines the importance of external factors.