Is it normal that someone changes like this?

Hello

My story is long and a little bit awkward.....I have a friend....she is 15 years older than me...we have been friends for 7 years,,,,,well we are not only friends......she is my sister, coworker and we even complete our studies at university together,,,,we had always been a part of each others life.....she used to introduce me as her daughter,,,,,we enjoyed spending time together,,,,,,I help her a lot......with everything,,,,,we became closer friends when her husband passed away and left her with two kids....one of them is at university now....i have always been with her....helping her out and he helped me too and i learned a lot from her......her father passed away a year ago and since then she changed a lot......she said that she felt his loss as a wake up call that tells her to wake up and become strong.....as a sign that one day she will be alone and she needs to be strong....she started minimizing our phone calls and we did not meet unless we have work....however, our year was so hard and we had a lot of work and studying and projects that we mostly did together and if we weren't together, we used to do it over the phone....until June 2, 2018.....everything changed....we had a fight at work.....a silly one....she shouted at me at work and left me then we had a holiday for four days and she did not even bother calling.....we met at work again and she acted as if nothing happened .....i tried to control my feelings but i acted in a way that i have never done before......after two days....i asked her if she is welling to talk to me.....she said....today no, i do not have time.....i have people that are waiting to see me.....i felt so annoyed,,,,,it did not even feel that she missed me! She called on the same day........and we fought again....then i did not talk to her again.....we completed our work only without any kind of talks.....she did everything alone....bough new electrical devices alone although we went together and chose them and she did not even tell me that she went and bought them....she started hiding things and she doesn't want me to know anything about her and when I asked what is wrong? she said nothing I just don't feel talking to anyone......and at the end i was the only one that she is not talking to....she is talking to everyone, seeing everyone but not me and when I ask: why aren't you talking to me....she always have the same answer: do not compare yourself to other people..........you know you are different....you are my friend that i know is always there!!!! she is contacting everyone,,,,,,taking care of everybody and missing everyone but not me.......she said that i am bothering her with my questions and it seems we need to decrease the amount of bond we have.......but in my opinion, it is not decreasing,,,,it is disappearing,,,,,i started to hate her and i miss her....we are still doing things that are related to work together but in a different way....we do not go together in the same car or talk about what we did before or after.......we went from phone calls that last for hours for no phone calls at all...i am not calling her since i promised not to call her and bother her and if she want to talk to me she knows my number! but i miss her.......should i tell her or is she trying to tell me that it is over? is it a work relationship only now? what can i do...i am so confused and hurt.....i feel i had lost 7 years of my life taking care of someone that doesn't like me! What do you think? Am i humiliating myself by trying to talk to her?

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Comments ( 5 )
  • badmanalive

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    Know what I’m saying?

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  • ubbi

    Thank you so much for your comments...well I might be a little bit clingy but before all of thus happened...she used to call...text and invite me over every now and then...even when I disappear or just do not feel like seeing her...she used to nag so as we meet....she used to discuss everything related to her private life without me asking and when she started to become silent in the past few months....i started asking because I was worried on her...she felt that I am bothering her!

    We work together in the education field...we have been in the same school for five years now....she used to be the KG Principal and I used to be the elementary science coordinator....but starting last year she became the KG and elementary principal and I be a.e the academic supervisor from k to 5...in other words.....she became my principal...i am the one who asked for this...i told the administration she is the best one to lead and ahe asked to have me with her in the new position that I had....we knew it is hard but we were sure that together we can do it as we did everything before.....

    The fight that we had was over a meeting she had and I was supposed to attend but I couldn't and when I asked what happened...she said I want to go home and ahe did not even answer...it was not the first time and I had a hectic day so I couldn't stop myself from asking for clarification to know what happened in this meeting....

    I gave her space but we meet in school everyday...i even told the administration I am quitting and I refused to renew my contract to give her all the space she needs...they refused and I am still trying...but she sometimes call me to her office and start talking about her private issues but I do not have the right to comment or say any word......she called me twice in the morning to have breakfast....i did not try calling her not even once...unless I have something related to work....she wants everything to be as she want...she bought a new phone and brought it to me to create passwords and download apps...she used the same code I use on my phone...she doesn't want me to interfere but she pulls me in sometimes without me asking...she keeps on saying she is trying to find herself and I am disturbing her that she cannot see the picture clearly!

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  • IrishPotato

    Dude. Paragraphs.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I'm sorry this is happening to you. So ya'll are both in college now, right? Is this just a random job or a job related to your field of study?

    If it were me I would distance myself from her. Maybe ya'll were a little too close in this friendship, and she was perhaps feeling suffocated. I honestly don't know of course, because I don't know either of ya'll and wasn't privy to the big argument that started this downward spiral in the friendship. I will, however, say that the two of you are at different lifestages, so that may have a lot to do with what is going on right now in the friendship and with her.

    Whatever you do don't harass her or beg her to change back to the way things were. Don't make a fool of yourself with her just because she has changed, is different, you're hurt and you miss her. Try not to see the possible loss of a friendship as a waste of seven years of your life, but instead try to see it as a learning experience. Fifteen years is a big age difference in a friendship, also as much as you may have enjoyed it the habit ya'll had of this mother daughter dynamic isn't necessarily a good thing, because it puts the friendship on uneven ground with a fundamental inequality between ya'll.

    If were you I would try to focus on finding more friends my own age! I would also look into seeing a counselor or therapist if I found that the situation was making it hard for me to function in my day to day life. I would try to be less available to this woman for sure. I would try to plan activities in my life if I were in your position. Whatever you do don't cancel any plans with other people or drop whatever your doing to be there for her if she calls you or requests your assistance.

    I am curious as to what ya'll fought about, and whether or not your current job is related to your field of study.

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  • DuchessK

    It's too long tbh. I felt like you were a bit clingy? She is entitled to have some space from YOU even if you were her sister. Death changes people. Lis you two fought and God knows what you told her or made her feel. Maybe she wants new things. Maybe she is being moderate after she realized you two are too connected. Maybe you're overreacting. Do not stop calling. I mean, don't give up on her but give her space. Call to check on her and then busy yourself with life. She'll call whenever she'll miss you and since you want her to miss you maybe you should give her time to. 4 days is nothing. Try giving her a week. Meanwhile, try having new friends and having fun.

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