I've been lying about being sick for years because I procrastinate so much. I'm a junior in high school, and I've missed over 100 days throughout my high school career. I just don't want to sit down and do the work because there's always something more interesting to do, and then when I do sit down to do the work, I just freak out and I run away. It's gotten to the point where I hate myself for being a coward. I've got my teachers, parents, and friends all fooled, I've got a 504 plan to give me extra time, I've got the best doctors in the country, I'm surrounded by unbelievably amazing teachers (I'm not even kidding, my teachers are ridiculous - I pay 1200 dollars a week for math tutoring), and I just can't do the whole self-discipline thing. I've got ADHD, but it's not that bad. I just can't study. I get really, really high test scores. I talk smart. I fucking look smart. I don't do any extracurriculars, I don't do any activities, and I just dick around on the internet all day while beating myself up about it. And just like you, I'd love to go into academia some day - like be an anthropologist or neurologist or astronomer.
But I'm living a lie because I procrastinate. I can't tell people, but I know that I need extreme psychological counseling, and then at the same time I feel I shouldn't even deserve help. I'm costing my parents so much money already. I see a psychologist, a tutor, a psychiatrist, a specialist, a college coach, and I still can't get my act together, because when I try to get my act together I can't do it because I just get completely overwhelmed with the gravity of what I'm doing to myself. It's a vicious cycle that I need to stop. And the weird thing is that sometimes I'm perfectly ok with it. I don't care. It's not a problem. I'm even on Prozac.
I know that this isn't normal, and I'm glad I was able to share my problems with you. I didn't think I'd ever find someone else who had this same fear of work.
Is it normal that Procrastination is ruining my life?
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I've been lying about being sick for years because I procrastinate so much. I'm a junior in high school, and I've missed over 100 days throughout my high school career. I just don't want to sit down and do the work because there's always something more interesting to do, and then when I do sit down to do the work, I just freak out and I run away. It's gotten to the point where I hate myself for being a coward. I've got my teachers, parents, and friends all fooled, I've got a 504 plan to give me extra time, I've got the best doctors in the country, I'm surrounded by unbelievably amazing teachers (I'm not even kidding, my teachers are ridiculous - I pay 1200 dollars a week for math tutoring), and I just can't do the whole self-discipline thing. I've got ADHD, but it's not that bad. I just can't study. I get really, really high test scores. I talk smart. I fucking look smart. I don't do any extracurriculars, I don't do any activities, and I just dick around on the internet all day while beating myself up about it. And just like you, I'd love to go into academia some day - like be an anthropologist or neurologist or astronomer.
But I'm living a lie because I procrastinate. I can't tell people, but I know that I need extreme psychological counseling, and then at the same time I feel I shouldn't even deserve help. I'm costing my parents so much money already. I see a psychologist, a tutor, a psychiatrist, a specialist, a college coach, and I still can't get my act together, because when I try to get my act together I can't do it because I just get completely overwhelmed with the gravity of what I'm doing to myself. It's a vicious cycle that I need to stop. And the weird thing is that sometimes I'm perfectly ok with it. I don't care. It's not a problem. I'm even on Prozac.
I know that this isn't normal, and I'm glad I was able to share my problems with you. I didn't think I'd ever find someone else who had this same fear of work.