I'm the father of a daughter who's now a young teen.
She certainly got disciplined when she was very small. This usually consisted of me tucking a wriggling, shrieking toddler under my arm and hauling her off to sit and howl alone in her bedroom for a bit. (We never once hit her.) Once she'd vented enough rage that she could be as rational as any three-year-old can be, we'd go in for a cuddle and talk about what happened.
I'm obviously biased, but I think she's a great kid. She's very friendly and caring and considerate of the needs of others. Her only quality that her mum and I have problems with is that she's rather lacking in self-confidence. We have no idea where that comes from, because we've done all the things that the experts say helps to build self-esteem in kids.
Maybe that's just the way her brain was always destined to be wired up from the moment of her conception, and maybe the fact she's turned out pretty good so far has very little to do with how her mum and I have treated her.
There's a perennial question about how much of the way people turn out is down to the genetic luck of the draw and how much is due to how a kid was raised. I'm sure it's a combination of the two. But it seems to me that if a child is treated like it's the centre of the fucking universe and they deserve anything and everything they ever desire, then the odds are good that the kid is going to turn out to be an obnoxious, entitled, inconsiderate shit. Permissive parents who just want to be their kid's best pal can seriously mess kids up, both in terms of what sort of life they have, and the impact they have on those they come into contact with.
The flip side of that coin is authoritarian parents who have loads of rules about absolutely everything and expect kids to behave like little robots who immediately obey whatever command the parent issues. It's worse if some of those rules make no logical sense or are applied inconsistently. Even worse than that are parents who create new rules on a whim and tell a kid about them just after they whack them upside the head.
I do wonder if part of the reason our daughter seems to be on track to turn into a decent adult is because her mum and I always made it a rule to never just say 'NO!' to her. From the time she was very small, we always made it a point to explain to her why we were thwarting her wishes. Maybe it's her or the dynamic between her and us, but that did seem to usually make it easier for her to accept and comply with our directives.
IIN That parents don't want to punish their children for bad behavior?
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I'm the father of a daughter who's now a young teen.
She certainly got disciplined when she was very small. This usually consisted of me tucking a wriggling, shrieking toddler under my arm and hauling her off to sit and howl alone in her bedroom for a bit. (We never once hit her.) Once she'd vented enough rage that she could be as rational as any three-year-old can be, we'd go in for a cuddle and talk about what happened.
I'm obviously biased, but I think she's a great kid. She's very friendly and caring and considerate of the needs of others. Her only quality that her mum and I have problems with is that she's rather lacking in self-confidence. We have no idea where that comes from, because we've done all the things that the experts say helps to build self-esteem in kids.
Maybe that's just the way her brain was always destined to be wired up from the moment of her conception, and maybe the fact she's turned out pretty good so far has very little to do with how her mum and I have treated her.
There's a perennial question about how much of the way people turn out is down to the genetic luck of the draw and how much is due to how a kid was raised. I'm sure it's a combination of the two. But it seems to me that if a child is treated like it's the centre of the fucking universe and they deserve anything and everything they ever desire, then the odds are good that the kid is going to turn out to be an obnoxious, entitled, inconsiderate shit. Permissive parents who just want to be their kid's best pal can seriously mess kids up, both in terms of what sort of life they have, and the impact they have on those they come into contact with.
The flip side of that coin is authoritarian parents who have loads of rules about absolutely everything and expect kids to behave like little robots who immediately obey whatever command the parent issues. It's worse if some of those rules make no logical sense or are applied inconsistently. Even worse than that are parents who create new rules on a whim and tell a kid about them just after they whack them upside the head.
I do wonder if part of the reason our daughter seems to be on track to turn into a decent adult is because her mum and I always made it a rule to never just say 'NO!' to her. From the time she was very small, we always made it a point to explain to her why we were thwarting her wishes. Maybe it's her or the dynamic between her and us, but that did seem to usually make it easier for her to accept and comply with our directives.