Is it normal, that nothing feels good?

20% Normal
12 Comments

hi like 5 years ago i started becoming sexually active and when i was first fingered it felt good with the first guy who has ever done it to me. Oral sex doesnt feel good either. i used to get off rubbing myself on something. then after that guy nothing anyone ever did felt good ever again and eventually masturbation didnt feel half as good as it used too. Sex either hurts or it feels like nothing. i have only slept with two people. everyone tells me im really tight and i get really wet. i cant always stay turned on either anymore or get turned on that much or as much as i used too.. but i can still get wet and stuff.. i dont understand? IIN? does anyone else have these problems? btw i am only 19..

Is It Normal?
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  • Gelmurag
    10 years ago | pl

    Well since you were 14 when you became sexually active, was it by your own choice, or was it something forced? The answer to that question could have quite a bit to do with what is going on now.

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    • ohheyyou
      10 years ago | pl

      @gelmurag it wasn't forced.. just eventually went through depression for multiple reasons but i feel like im fine now so idk.. its just annoying. i think its a mental thing for me but i cant make it any better for some reason.

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      • Gelmurag
        10 years ago | pl

        The subconscious is a very...I'm not even sure how to put it...finicky...thing. Even if you feel ok, deep down it may not be so. I'm not saying you are still depressed, but there is probably some link between why sex doesn't feel like it used to, and what your subconscious is going through.

        I'm a firm believer in a "two horny" theory. Most people think that getting hard/getting wet is horny...but there is a drastic difference between those (physical horny) and mental horny. Sure, you can get wet, and I can get hard. We could inside the womb. All kids can. Most adults can. That is a reflex action, much like blinking. Generally physical horny can be started given the right stimulus. maybe that gust of wind caught you right, or maybe making out for awhile. Or maybe someone rubbing you for a period of time. And although it might feel ok, you wouldn't describe it as good. At least, I wouldn't.

        Mental horny is a whole different beast. Its more powerful, more animalistic. It feels good. Very good. It isn't about thinking anymore, it is about having an orgasm. When this type of horny is engaged, it can make the physical happen. It pushes us to do things we wouldn't normally do, or even enjoy things like pain, or hurting someone else.

        Of course there are different levels of these too. Most people fall into the light/medium group. Back when sex did feel good, did you ever have a day, where no matter what you did, you still wanted more? Everyone has days like that, and those days are the "strong" days. Kinda like "brain off, me want inside, now."

        In your case, physically you are getting light horny. But mentally, you aren't in the game. I'd bet if you were able to match medium mental, with medium physical, it would start to feel better for you. But worrying about it will only make it more difficult to get there mentally.

        That was probably confusing, if you need some further explanation ask lol.

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        • ohheyyou
          10 years ago | pl

          @Gelmurag sex has never felt good from the start only one thing being fingered twice in my life has felt good when i was in like tenth grade or me rubbing on something by myself did.. now none of anything feels to great and i cant get into anyything mentally that much and i know worrying will make it worse but i cant stop! it bugs me. its fustrating:( what you said definitely makes a lot of sense thank you! i really appreciate it.

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    • x1frosty16
      10 years ago | pl

      If it was forced what do you think the problem could be?

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      • x1frosty16
        10 years ago | pl

        And what do you think could help? By the way I'm not the op just have simular problems

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        • Gelmurag
          10 years ago | pl

          If it was forced, there could be quite a few things going on. When it comes to sex, most people think its just a physical thing. But in reality 80% of sex is a mental thing.

          I normally don't cum much, and it usually just kinda dribbles out. But if I allow myself to relax, i can get a few feet, and almost double my "normal" amount. Same thing goes for trying to pee. I've been overly nervous for the past few months, and giving myself shy bladder. I literally have to force myself to go, but on the off chance i'm talking on the phone, listening to music, and thinking about wow, I end up peeing with no difficulty. Just using those as examples.

          I'm not entirely sure what could help, possibly talking to someone who is open-minded about what happened, or wouldn't judge you. It may help just to open up. If that doesn't work, possibly a professional would be in order...

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          • x1frosty16
            10 years ago | pl

            Thankyou for taking the time to give some advice I really did appreciate it :)

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            • Gelmurag
              10 years ago | pl

              If you'd like you can always send me an e-mail. I may not be good at most things, and even have weird/disturbing views on how to raise family/kids and run my life, but all that aside, I can at least listen.

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  • frankenweenie
    10 years ago | pl

    i go through phases where i am the same way and i wonder if it's the birth control i am on

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  • ccjigsaw
    10 years ago | pl

    Sounds to my like you're stuck on your ex, and you seem to know it. That's all I get from your post though, it might not be accurate, but I'm getting that feel.

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  • prasatko
    10 years ago | pl

    Some people can have these problems as a result of certain kind of medication, e.g. antidepressants, or hormonal contraception etc...but I do not know whether this might be your case or not, there are too many possible causes of this issue and you are certainly not alone in this.

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