Wow this is sad Hon... You should talk to her about family counseling because it sounds like she has some serious issues and it will also give you a chance to let her know how you felt about what happened so that you can move on with or without her. What would be terrible is her thinking that what happened was at all ok. It was not. You deserve an apology and it may not give closure but it may be a step in the right direction.
My Mom has problems admitting to the character failings that all people have, what we call "human nature". She told me that she doesn't experience jealousy, anger, hate, anxiety or depression. She loves to play dumb because she thinks that it makes her seem unsullied and "pure in spirit". She was a novice Carmelite nun for one year before she went to college and met my Dad. She is a Catholic ideologue. She actually said to me once,
"What does 'pissed' mean"?
I said,
"It means you're angry and frustrated all wrapped up in one."
She said,
"I do not experience those emotions."
She's happy to admit to non-moral "failings" so I guess you could call it a huge problem with her "moral ego". She has no self-awareness. She also criticizes other people's appearance constantly, whether it's relatives or actors on TV. She knows she's good looking for her age but won't admit it, of course. When I call her up, she talks non-stop for 45 minutes while I just file my nails. Then it's over and she's gone. If she asks how I am, she doesn't listen to the answer. When my husband almost died, she rang up to enquire about how he was going but still spent 45 minutes talking about her own life.
When I said to her once,
"You talk a lot, just like I do. I got it off you. It's really hard on other people. It's a lot to expect people to listen to non-stop speech from someone else who isn't their college lecturer or otherwise paid to to do it."
Her response was that she had no idea and then called me a liar. Whenever I say something true that she doesn't like, she calls me a liar. It's too hard for her to face the truth.
Wow I'm a psych research major and I remember us watching these videos of different patients in a study. We had to list possible disorders based on the symptoms and one lady would talk non stop about herself regardless of what the conversation was and this was big red flag for mania, and bipolar disorders. =(
And Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. The descriptions and categories in DSM-IV are too nebulous and have way too much overlap. That said, psych is a very important and useful field of study.
Mom married for the third time last year and she seems to have improved a bit from hanging around with a "normal" guy. Maybe he calls her out for her BS. She's a lot less "out there" now. She doesn't come out with as much absurd commentary as she used to. I know she used to love winding me up and probably still does but he gets her in line, at least a little bit.
I wrote a book in 2005 that got published in 2007 and she'd say stuff like,
"There are so many terrible books out there. So much crap gets published."
Never once did she congratulate me and she's never bought a copy. She is the most passive-aggressive person I've ever met. When I graduated college, she went off the deep end for not inviting her to the ceremony, even though I hadn't seen her for six years.
On the positive side, she is capable of genuine kindness and she can be quite a warm person. She's also hard-working and talented.
Wowsers, I didn't wan't to bring DSM-IV into it because people are often offended when they feel you analyze them or their loved ones but you hit the nail on the head. Passive aggressive is right. I smell a touch of jealousy in there also. I also see that narcissistic personality shinning through. She was upset about not being at the graduation and somehow made it about her, how dismayed she was, hurt she was, offended she was. when she hadn't spoken to you in years and placed her men before your well being. I still feel that you need to haul her butt to counseling because it will only give way to another situation in which she feels "justified" in her behavior because no one is telling her it's wrong. As for your book and graduation I'm proud of you! You should mentor because there's so many young people who go through this and give up! Your story is hope. The next time Mommy Dearest is upset and attempts to make your success about her let her know that you aren't where you are because of what she did for you but in spite of what she did to you.
So true. Apparently, analyzing people using all of your psych knowledge, as I'm sometimes prone to do, is socially destructive. So I try not to do it. If someone asks for your advice or pays you for your advice it's OK.
IIN that my parents ignored it when I ran away from home at 16?
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Wow this is sad Hon... You should talk to her about family counseling because it sounds like she has some serious issues and it will also give you a chance to let her know how you felt about what happened so that you can move on with or without her. What would be terrible is her thinking that what happened was at all ok. It was not. You deserve an apology and it may not give closure but it may be a step in the right direction.
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My Mom has problems admitting to the character failings that all people have, what we call "human nature". She told me that she doesn't experience jealousy, anger, hate, anxiety or depression. She loves to play dumb because she thinks that it makes her seem unsullied and "pure in spirit". She was a novice Carmelite nun for one year before she went to college and met my Dad. She is a Catholic ideologue. She actually said to me once,
"What does 'pissed' mean"?
I said,
"It means you're angry and frustrated all wrapped up in one."
She said,
"I do not experience those emotions."
She's happy to admit to non-moral "failings" so I guess you could call it a huge problem with her "moral ego". She has no self-awareness. She also criticizes other people's appearance constantly, whether it's relatives or actors on TV. She knows she's good looking for her age but won't admit it, of course. When I call her up, she talks non-stop for 45 minutes while I just file my nails. Then it's over and she's gone. If she asks how I am, she doesn't listen to the answer. When my husband almost died, she rang up to enquire about how he was going but still spent 45 minutes talking about her own life.
When I said to her once,
"You talk a lot, just like I do. I got it off you. It's really hard on other people. It's a lot to expect people to listen to non-stop speech from someone else who isn't their college lecturer or otherwise paid to to do it."
Her response was that she had no idea and then called me a liar. Whenever I say something true that she doesn't like, she calls me a liar. It's too hard for her to face the truth.
--
NayasBeauty
10 years ago
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Wow I'm a psych research major and I remember us watching these videos of different patients in a study. We had to list possible disorders based on the symptoms and one lady would talk non stop about herself regardless of what the conversation was and this was big red flag for mania, and bipolar disorders. =(
--
Anonymous Post Author
10 years ago
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And Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. The descriptions and categories in DSM-IV are too nebulous and have way too much overlap. That said, psych is a very important and useful field of study.
Mom married for the third time last year and she seems to have improved a bit from hanging around with a "normal" guy. Maybe he calls her out for her BS. She's a lot less "out there" now. She doesn't come out with as much absurd commentary as she used to. I know she used to love winding me up and probably still does but he gets her in line, at least a little bit.
I wrote a book in 2005 that got published in 2007 and she'd say stuff like,
"There are so many terrible books out there. So much crap gets published."
Never once did she congratulate me and she's never bought a copy. She is the most passive-aggressive person I've ever met. When I graduated college, she went off the deep end for not inviting her to the ceremony, even though I hadn't seen her for six years.
On the positive side, she is capable of genuine kindness and she can be quite a warm person. She's also hard-working and talented.
--
NayasBeauty
10 years ago
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Wowsers, I didn't wan't to bring DSM-IV into it because people are often offended when they feel you analyze them or their loved ones but you hit the nail on the head. Passive aggressive is right. I smell a touch of jealousy in there also. I also see that narcissistic personality shinning through. She was upset about not being at the graduation and somehow made it about her, how dismayed she was, hurt she was, offended she was. when she hadn't spoken to you in years and placed her men before your well being. I still feel that you need to haul her butt to counseling because it will only give way to another situation in which she feels "justified" in her behavior because no one is telling her it's wrong. As for your book and graduation I'm proud of you! You should mentor because there's so many young people who go through this and give up! Your story is hope. The next time Mommy Dearest is upset and attempts to make your success about her let her know that you aren't where you are because of what she did for you but in spite of what she did to you.
--
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So true. Apparently, analyzing people using all of your psych knowledge, as I'm sometimes prone to do, is socially destructive. So I try not to do it. If someone asks for your advice or pays you for your advice it's OK.