I do think the situation is causing depression. It's important for you to have a voice and to be heard by your family, but it's a very hard thing to establish when you're feeling the way that you do. I've been in similar shoes, and it wasn't until I became an adult that I was able to talk to my mom about our problems. We had a really bad relationship when I was growing up. I was very unhappy, and I left home early(which I am not recommending), but it didn't make me feel much better and I still wanted a relationship with her. So we worked on it. I came to the conclusion that my mom was just a young woman trying to raise 2 kids alone. She was depressed and lost and screwed up a lot. It didn't take away from the things my sister and I went through, but it made it easier to look at my mom as a person. One of the harder parts of growing up is realizing your parents are flawed. They get mad over stupid shit, heartbroken, disappointed in themselves and life, scared, and so on. After a lot of time and conversation, I felt better and closer to her.
I have 2 teenagers now, and sometimes they make me want to rip my own face off and beat them with it, but I love the hell out of them and never want them to feel the way I did, so I always try to listen. I tell them to just tell me when they feel like I'm not respecting them or listening or if I'm pushing too hard. And I tell them when I am bothered by the things they do as well. The worst thing that happens is we hurt each other's feelings for a little while, but then we know what's going on and we can work on changing things. I know this is long, but all I'm really saying is hang in there. Maybe you won't fix the relationship with your family now, but it doesn't mean you never will. Maybe you can be bold and talk to someone. Maybe your dad. Remind them that you are also a person and the way you feel is valid. You might hurt their feelings but you also might feel freer. In the meantime hold on to the things that bring you comfort. Let go of the self harm, the control and sense of penance it gives you is fleeting and only leads to regret. I hope it gets better for you. <3
Is it normal that my parents hate me? (sarcasm in post, sorry)
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I do think the situation is causing depression. It's important for you to have a voice and to be heard by your family, but it's a very hard thing to establish when you're feeling the way that you do. I've been in similar shoes, and it wasn't until I became an adult that I was able to talk to my mom about our problems. We had a really bad relationship when I was growing up. I was very unhappy, and I left home early(which I am not recommending), but it didn't make me feel much better and I still wanted a relationship with her. So we worked on it. I came to the conclusion that my mom was just a young woman trying to raise 2 kids alone. She was depressed and lost and screwed up a lot. It didn't take away from the things my sister and I went through, but it made it easier to look at my mom as a person. One of the harder parts of growing up is realizing your parents are flawed. They get mad over stupid shit, heartbroken, disappointed in themselves and life, scared, and so on. After a lot of time and conversation, I felt better and closer to her.
I have 2 teenagers now, and sometimes they make me want to rip my own face off and beat them with it, but I love the hell out of them and never want them to feel the way I did, so I always try to listen. I tell them to just tell me when they feel like I'm not respecting them or listening or if I'm pushing too hard. And I tell them when I am bothered by the things they do as well. The worst thing that happens is we hurt each other's feelings for a little while, but then we know what's going on and we can work on changing things. I know this is long, but all I'm really saying is hang in there. Maybe you won't fix the relationship with your family now, but it doesn't mean you never will. Maybe you can be bold and talk to someone. Maybe your dad. Remind them that you are also a person and the way you feel is valid. You might hurt their feelings but you also might feel freer. In the meantime hold on to the things that bring you comfort. Let go of the self harm, the control and sense of penance it gives you is fleeting and only leads to regret. I hope it gets better for you. <3
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Richelle
10 years ago
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Thanks, I guess I'll just try to hang in there like you said, maybe like you, I'll understand more when I have kids.