Is it normal that my mom doesn’t want me to have kids?

14 Comments

My mom literally said the other said the other day how she would want to die if I had kids. I’m 25 and have been married for a year now, we’ve been together for 6 years. I don’t want kids anytime soon but I do before I’m 30. She had kids really young (19)and she always hated that so I’m not sure if she’s projecting that on me or what. However I’m not super young anymore. I think she worries she will have to babysit all the time which is NOT the case I’d never do that to her. My dad’s parents were never really in my life and she always was so upset by that but now I’m worried she would do the same thing to my kids. And I hate that. I want her to be involved. For all of you out there that are parents are your parents involved? If not how do you not harbor so much resentment for that? I’m scared it’ll make me hate my mom..

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Comments ( 14 )
  • bigbudchonger
    2 years ago

    If you want kids then have them. There's something very healthy about the proper family unit.

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  • hauntedbysandwiches
    2 years ago

    This isn't normal. My Mom is the total opposite lol at 25 she told me that if I don't have kids by 30, I should adopt meanwhile lots of people have kids after 30 and she had me at 40 so kind of hypocritical. Sometimes Mom's don't make any sense.

    Have kids, ignore what she thinks and as long as you're not having her babysit them 24/7, she'll probably be happy for you.

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    • Sanara
      2 years ago

      Having kids at later age increases the chance of birth defects, so don't wait too long if you actually want kids. I dont think 30s is too late.

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      • olderdude-xx
        2 years ago

        More significant fertility decreases with age and health issues that the mother can face increases with age.

        A pregnancy later in life can seriously challenge many woman in their mid 40's and above.

        My wife actually thought she might be pregnant well into her 50's and we discussed the potential health issues and what we would have to check out and determine if she was indeed pregnant.

        It turned out that either she was not pregnant or that her body rejected it very quickly before it could grow to any noticeable size.

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      • hauntedbysandwiches
        2 years ago

        Lol not by much honey. My entire family is filled with people who had kids over 40. Not one has any defect. It's done to scare people, risks are low and medicine is more advanced now so the chance of something happening although slightly more is still low. My family are also filled with people in the medical field. And I won't reveal where I live on here but let's just say the majority of expecting mothers are 35 average and many are in their 40s. My coworkers at my last job were 40s two were pregnant. Quite common and quite safe. My cousin just had her 3rd at 46 and again no health problems :)

        As for me I really want kids, it's what I want most in life but there's no rush. I don't even have a partner so most likely will have kids around 40-45. My mother has more kids btw all four of us she had after 35 and the youngest, the one she had last she had at 43 who is actually the healthiest of all of us.

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        • Sanara
          2 years ago

          hauntedbysandwiches: Okay, I thought the risk was higher. But if you don't have a partner I still recommend trying to find one before 40 because most men dont find older women (usually the limit is either from 30 or up, or 40 or up) really attractive, at least what I heard countless times on the internet. There are exceptions, as my mom actually found her current boyfriend after 40 and they seem happy toghether. And if you were already committed in a loving relationship I think it matters less. But I wouldn't rely on it, if kids are important you may still need to hurry

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  • SwickDinging
    2 years ago

    My parents have never even met my children. They live in another country and I don't bother with them much. They have often said they are going to visit, but then make pathetic excuses and never show up.

    It's fine. My kids don't know any different. It's just normal to them. If I want to go out then I pay for a babysitter. Problem solved.

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  • Irizu3748392746483938
    2 years ago

    Id you want to have kids, have them. If you don't, then don't.

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  • [Old Memory]
    2 years ago

    That is your decision to make. If you know you can handle being a mother and you won't put a bunch of responsibility on your own mother and you can afford it and all that, then you should if you want to. Your own mothers negative attitude is quite possibly a projection. Whatever her reasons are it is not any of her business what you choose to do. It may be difficult to not have your mothers support, especially if the two of you are close which I assume you might be if her opinion weighs heavily, but you are an adult. Do not give up on something you want just because she may think it's a bad idea. Hopefully once you have your child her opinion will change when she sees it's working and she feels excitement about having a grandchild. At least if her opinion is heavily based on worries. Some mothers truly can't accept that their child is all grown up and still sees them as children or doesn't want to accept reality. Distance yourself a little and trust your own judgment and she may realize that you are an adult with your own life.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    Its not up to ur mom

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  • Lusty-Argonian
    2 years ago

    My mom wants me to have kids but I think she's finally figuring out thwts never gonna happen

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  • litelander8
    2 years ago

    I got pregnant with my first at 17. My mom recommended abortion. Now she’s obsessed with both my kids despite living 14 hours away. My kids other grandma keeps them on the weekend while I work, if they’re not busy.

    Babies sound like a burden. But once they’re born, people change.

    Have kids when you’re ready. Fuck everyone else.

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    • Sanara
      2 years ago

      There are some people who actually regret having kids and feel miserable in that role, so never just assume people will change. But OP should get to live their own life and have kids if she wants them. It will be her kids after all, and not directly her mothers kids.

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    • Somenormie
      2 years ago

      Totally agree with having kids when that person is ready.

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