I'm on mobile and the link is too complex to copy. But you aren't going to be getting any sympathy out of me on this one, I have no respect for a parent who keeps a child in an abusive situation, I don't care what the costs are. And if she is brainwashed or abused so bad that she can't force herself to leave, or atleast get her son out of there, then I can only pray that the gods will send someone who isn't as weak who can take the child away from her.
My brother died at the hands of child abuse, and I can't exactly say I'm lucky to have survived it with how fucked up mentally I am now. There is no time for gentle handling of this situation.
You really need to educate yourself on the dynamic of domestic abuse then come back here. Until then your "tough love" approach is causing more harm than good, to the child too. You're not just hurting feelings, you are adding to the problem. Talking like that is the worst possible approach where domestic violence is concerned.
This. But I can also understand where KholatKhal is coming from. As someone with personal experience of domestic abuse, s/he is obviously expressing what s/he feels was needed in his/her specific situation, and I can see how that may seem the case from the perspective of a child who lived through it. But realistically, it does not help.
I too grew up in an abusive household. Because of that I looked for abusive relationships. It didn't matter how many people told me I was stupid for staying, in fact it made things worse. I had three kids that were involved too. It's never an easy thing to deal with.
I also worked a job that put me in close contact with domestic violence victims. I have had hours upon hours upon hours of doestic violence training and that particular response is the very worst response there is, period. I understand where the response is coming from, I do, but it is still the worst response there is.
I agree. I linked a great TED talk from a highly educated abuse survivor, but sadly, KK didn't want to know about it. It seems so obvious to me that further degrading self esteem that is at rock bottom only aids the perpetrator. It's just as bad as telling a depressed person to just smile.
I'm glad you're out of that situation. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been trying to leave with kids.
I've always assumed you're male. I can't recall if you've ever specified your gender, but I know that for males, being the victim in an abusive relationship has that extra dimension of people heaping even more shit on top of you.
I'm rambling now. I'll shut up. It's just increasingly rare to have someone intelligent, discussing anything of importance on this site, so I latch on to it.
Yes. But. Victims have trauma to deal with that can prevent them from doing what seems obvious to anyome else.
That is one point explained in the video. Another is that leaving from a situation that has escalted to violence is often the most dangerous to the victim. Because that is when the perpetrator steps up to their last way to exert control over their victim, and that's to kill them. I can't remember the stats, but many/most women who are killed by their partners are ones who have left the abusive relationship.
Is it normal that my husband calls me stupid everyday
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I'm on mobile and the link is too complex to copy. But you aren't going to be getting any sympathy out of me on this one, I have no respect for a parent who keeps a child in an abusive situation, I don't care what the costs are. And if she is brainwashed or abused so bad that she can't force herself to leave, or atleast get her son out of there, then I can only pray that the gods will send someone who isn't as weak who can take the child away from her.
My brother died at the hands of child abuse, and I can't exactly say I'm lucky to have survived it with how fucked up mentally I am now. There is no time for gentle handling of this situation.
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charli.m
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I'm sorry for that. No one should have to experience that.
But victim blaming is still not the answer.
Would you blame a rape victim for not doing enough to protect themselves?
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I'd blame someone for letting a rapist get away.
I'd never blame someone for getting raped. But it's now their responsibility to protect others from this person.
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justbecause11
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You really need to educate yourself on the dynamic of domestic abuse then come back here. Until then your "tough love" approach is causing more harm than good, to the child too. You're not just hurting feelings, you are adding to the problem. Talking like that is the worst possible approach where domestic violence is concerned.
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charli.m
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This. But I can also understand where KholatKhal is coming from. As someone with personal experience of domestic abuse, s/he is obviously expressing what s/he feels was needed in his/her specific situation, and I can see how that may seem the case from the perspective of a child who lived through it. But realistically, it does not help.
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justbecause11
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I too grew up in an abusive household. Because of that I looked for abusive relationships. It didn't matter how many people told me I was stupid for staying, in fact it made things worse. I had three kids that were involved too. It's never an easy thing to deal with.
I also worked a job that put me in close contact with domestic violence victims. I have had hours upon hours upon hours of doestic violence training and that particular response is the very worst response there is, period. I understand where the response is coming from, I do, but it is still the worst response there is.
--
charli.m
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I agree. I linked a great TED talk from a highly educated abuse survivor, but sadly, KK didn't want to know about it. It seems so obvious to me that further degrading self esteem that is at rock bottom only aids the perpetrator. It's just as bad as telling a depressed person to just smile.
I'm glad you're out of that situation. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been trying to leave with kids.
I've always assumed you're male. I can't recall if you've ever specified your gender, but I know that for males, being the victim in an abusive relationship has that extra dimension of people heaping even more shit on top of you.
I'm rambling now. I'll shut up. It's just increasingly rare to have someone intelligent, discussing anything of importance on this site, so I latch on to it.
Yes. But. Victims have trauma to deal with that can prevent them from doing what seems obvious to anyome else.
That is one point explained in the video. Another is that leaving from a situation that has escalted to violence is often the most dangerous to the victim. Because that is when the perpetrator steps up to their last way to exert control over their victim, and that's to kill them. I can't remember the stats, but many/most women who are killed by their partners are ones who have left the abusive relationship.